Yearning to Be Free

free_from_prisonThe idea of “dying before you die” in spirituality refers to the complete surrender of the personal identity we all create for ourselves during a life. That is the part of us that thinks it can control the outcomes of the world, or the flow of life, and that takes everything that happens to us personally (i.e., why does it always rain on my birthday?). Letting go of all of that is the only way to connect to the universal flow of things. And, of course, it doesn’t mean we no longer play a role in how our life proceeds, it means that our decisions are guided by our higher connections – which are concerned with higher purposes. (At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)

John: So, in my dream, it starts off with me picking up a person who has served his time, in other words, he’s been incarcerated in some fashion, as if in prison, but I mean you don’t see the prison you just feel that he has had to contend with things. And now he has served his time contending with things, and so now he again is dropped into life.

In other words, he goes through a door, so to speak, that was a realm in which he had to contend with how it was that he was, and he has served his time, so now he’s released into this other area. I’m there, picking him up as he’s released into this other area, and to be released in this other area the main apparent seeming path that’s laid out, that you’re inclined to think you have to follow, goes straight ahead.

And in going straight ahead there are certain things that are required. Because there is still supposedly a stigma that remains, even though he served his time, if he were to pay attention to the stigma that yet remains the requirement is for him to give up everything he is entitled to – which is kind of like a social security, or per diem, that he gets in life. And so he would have to give that up in addition to paying some sort of restitution.

So as I walk with him as he comes through the incarceration gate, instead of walking straightforward into life, he drops it all, he turns to the right and goes down a trail that goes through a garden planted area, or field, and on the other side is a gate that takes him completely out of existence.

It is all I can do to keep up with him because what he’s doing is a kind of disappearing of himself. In other words, he’s not going to pay any attention to the per diem, nor is he going to pay any attention to the restitution. It’s too much weight, too much barrier, it’s too much to have to bear. In fact, he has served his time, so he doesn’t have to bear anything. By having served his time, he knows that the process is one of letting go of everything. Why should there be the per diem, or the restitution, or whatever else that still malingers upon the heart?

So, the way he’s walking is he’s walking off the face of life as it is known. As I try to catch up with him as he’s proceeding along, and I’m asking 10 and 20 questions, he says, “I’ve already done that.” That’s his answer basically to all my questions.

So I follow him as we walk through what is like a kind of a big field or garden or something, struggling to keep up, and in the struggling there is this scramble to catch up with a true comprehension, instead of having to take it in in relationship to how it is in this other zone, or realm, or even aspect of a level.

So, as he nears this gate on the other side of this large field, which is planted in kind of a crop, that is kind of a manmade crop, that’s kind of pale green, as he walks past that – I get it. I know as soon as he passes through the gate on the other side of the garden zone I will never see, hear, or know anything about him again. In terms of the system, he will not exist. There will be no news from him ever again, which means that for all intents and purposes it will be as if he never existed and there will be nothing in life that is able to have an effect upon him whatsoever, in any way.

I realize that not only is he not paying one iota of attention to anything that limits the heart, he is also likewise obliterating, by a type of letting go, so that it is as if it never really existed such self-imposed system obligations there that have nothing to do with a true inner will. With the slate wiped clean, and all energetics for him to relate to, in the outer, gone he is no longer bound by anything.

The meaning is that I yearn to be free of all that I carry in an imprisonmented heart. The problem I have is I just do not know how to truly let go. I’m talking about a letting go that is so mind-blowing I am not quite able to grasp it.

And what is it that I am to grasp? Something like being absolutely free. It has to do with as if I have served my time, that I can let go of the outer heat and burdens completely, because I am free of the self-imposed, manmade weights and measures that are placed upon the heart when I think I have to be this, or that. I do not have to account for myself in any regard whatsoever anymore. It’s as if I can write myself out of the face of existence and be nonexistent.

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Getting in the Game

metionHow does the universe decide what happens next? In many cases, it’s according to a predetermined criteria. Babies are born, generally, according to a level of development. It is the same with the onset of puberty: the developing body meets a criteria of readiness, and the changes begin to happen. It is the same with our spiritual development: the universe can’t give us our next, higher, changes until we meet a criteria of readiness, meaning we have let go of the aspects of our inner life that no longer fit, and therefore block, what we are trying to be with. When we do let go, what awaits can then connect with us. (At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)

Jeane: Then, in my next dream, I’m in a fairly large house. I’m visiting, and there’s a man who lives there who seems rather seductive of all the women around him, including me. His mother’s somewhere in the background, or at least another woman who has some relationship to him, and he kind of seems to go from room to room fairly rapidly. And I have the sense that I’m visiting and I’m scoping out what’s happening there.

Then there’s a shift, and I come back, and everybody’s seated at a table where they’re playing poker. At first I just observe, although sometimes people will try to hide a hand from me. He’s in charge of the game. He’s like the one who deals the cards, and passes out the chips, and supervises everything.

Well, at some point, I decide I want to play the game and that’s kind of alarming to, I guess, the women around me that know me because it’s not normal for me to be that much of a gambler. But then I have to figure out if I have enough money to get into this game. I think it takes at least $100 worth of chips or something.

Now I open up my purse and see that I do have chips in there, and then I have little containers where I might have other chips, and there’s somethings that I have taken home. I don’t know if I have enough because I have to try to sort and find out where I stashed things. And then some things are inside of other things, and then I will find some chips but I’m not sure what their value is. Some seem of higher value, and some seem like they’re just a dollar, and it feels like we want chips that are at least $5 and up.

And I know I have maybe half the amount I would need to get into the game, but I don’t know if I have all of it because I can’t figure out the denominations of some of the chips. And the game is going on around me, and I’m trying to see at what point I can get into it, and I think that’s when I wake up.

John: So what you’ve done is you’ve created a kind of above and below scenario, in which your perception of the way things are affecting you, energetically, still carries a motif of influence as if you’re having to contend with the issue. It’s as if it’s having a vampire effect upon you.

You’re failing to see that that issue is not something that is too much, but because the energetic feels to you like it haunts you, in some fashion, that takes liberties in some fashion, you are feeling overwhelmed by that, in other words, almost like vamperized by that.

So that takes and sets the condition of how it is that you’re able to conduct yourself, because with that as a deep underlying way of perceiving, vibrationally, yourself in terms of the overall, with that as a conditionality, what that means then when you have to flip the coin over to put what you are aware of consciously, or to put a consciousness that flows through you, into action, as if this is an action now that is lived out in existence, because of a bias perception that you have that is inclined to not see what this overallness is all about, in terms of its beingness that isn’t vampirish, but is you. But because you see it that way, you’re not able to fully come down and be grounded in the game of life.

And so no matter how you try the same essence, when taken into the physical, because the game is now created, in other words, first it was an essence coming down into you, and now that essence has been reformulated into something that’s created, called the game of life, that you just don’t have the chips, you just don’t have what is needed, because you have a reaction, an energetic reaction, that isn’t quite totally letting go – or able to totally let go. And if it were able to totally let go, then you would be acting and functioning from a state of true freedom, a true emptiness, a true non-beingness, a pure energetic essence.

And that pure energetic essence then, in a manifestation, would have a connection and a flow, that connection and flow being represented by the chips – or what is made available to your hand – you would have all that you could possibly require naturally there.

But these two inner and outer images work hand-in-hand. The reason why the flip side of the coin can’t be that way in the outer is because, on an inner awareness level in terms of how you’re feeling yourself and seeing yourself, you still have some sort of perceived oppression. In other words, instead of seeing something that leaves you totally free, and is an overall essence that can come down and through you, you instead see it as something that you are having to contend with, that is vampirish yet, as opposed to totally free – meaning you haven’t totally let go. You’re not totally embracing that which can come through you and, therefore, you cannot act in a way that you could be conducting yourself in the game of life, which would be the inner into outer. That isn’t able to be possible. That’s quite a dream.

So, when you put that dream back into the matrix of things, what you end up with is in that dream you are shifting and having to take in something more, but still are doing that in a type of limitation which isn’t totally free. In other words, it still is affected. Maybe it’s affected in a new way, but it is still affected.

And in the second dream what you’re doing is you’re showing, you’re revealing, that what you’re taking in is still biased in some fashion, contaminated. It isn’t clear and clean. You still have qualms about it, in other words, as if in the first dream that other is there to the degree that it is because, from the second dream, there is still some sort of qualms that you have, vampirish, or conditional, or however it is. And, as a result, your viability and functionality in the outer, because there’s only the inner flowing into the outer, and you haven’t caught up with the fullness, the total completeness, of the inner flow, which would take you into an emptiness, a non-beingness, you’re still holding out – and therefore you don’t have access to all of your chips as you play the game of life.

When you’re still struggling to find your chips in the game, you’re still acknowledging something, which means you’re still creating a defense mechanism to what is trying to flow freely into you. And you’re taking it in as vampirish, and thus, even though in the first dream you have made a shift, it still isn’t complete. There’s still an element of beingness that has come in. It might be a greater beingness, it might be able to take in more, it was something that is important to who you are, yet is something that you had hidden, or something that had been hidden, that you’re now able to open up to, but within that there is still limitations, and therefore still a kind of collateral outer effect which has been portrayed, in the second dream, in that you don’t quite have all of the essence chips at your disposal, the inner essence chips.

To download this file, Right Click (for PCs) or Control Click (for Macs) and Save: Getting in the Game

Getting Reacquainted

m222ultThe ways of this world tend to make us lose our natural connections, because we are born with everything we need already in us. So to reunite with a long lost cousin, in a dream image, is to reconnect with a part of ourselves that had been set aside and forgotten – a higher part of ourselves. In our development journey, we reawaken the connections that we’ve always had in us – that’s why it’s called “awakening,” rather than “finding” or “creating.” So we awaken what we have left behind in our early life processes, and we bring those aspects of ourselves back together – because we need all of our higher parts to be able to make the journey that lies ahead. (At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)

Jeane: What I remember of the first dream is, it feels like I’m at home where I live with relatives. And it’s like I become aware that a cousin, a male cousin, that I was really close to when I was younger and I thought had died, that actually the family had just separated us because they felt we were too close – and he’s still alive, has been living in Canada or somewhere.

So, he’s going to come and visit. And he comes, and it’s like I just feel in this kind of odd space with him because he was important to me, but I had thought he was gone, and so now it’s like trying to get acquainted, or let someone know where your life is at. And, at the same time, you have an idea of who they were, but you don’t know quite who they are now, or what they think of who you are now.

So there was a certain awkwardness that had been caused by the separation, and trying to kind of find: how do we relate now, compared to how we related then? That’s what I remember of the first dream.

John: What you’re doing is you’re portraying something that has shifted, or changed. And the way your portraying it, is you’re portraying it as if it is something new, that was part of yourself, that you kind of held in an out of sight and out of mind capacity, while you were being and going through life in a particular way.

And now that you have shifted, this is now present as a way of being that you’re now able to relate to, or factor in to, how it is that you see life – which you had stopped doing before. Now it has opened up to you again.

And the thing about the image is that it is still an image of a beingness. In other words, it may be another level of yourself, but it still represents an existence. In other words, it’s not yet a state of non-beingness in which you have totally died before you die. You are, instead, taking on another level, or quality, in an unfolding and an awakening emergence of yourself as a wholeness.

And this part, that had been veiled out, as if it was foreign to you, is now able to be taken in. And what that effect will mean has to be taken into account in some manner, or another. And if what this means is taken into account in some manner or another, that some manner or another will be the new burden upon a heart that is striving to be free of everything, and in nothing but a soul essence of the whole.

To download this file, Right Click (for PCs) or Control Click (for Macs) and Save: Getting Reacquainted