John: So this begins with me trying to break a trance. The dream scenario is one where there are options in terms of how to flow. And there is also a watcher who has an overview of the process, from within, which gives it a knowingness regarding the situation.
As for me, I am hoping for the best in observing the situation as it unfolds. I would like to interfere or be involved, but I can’t. I must let what is unfolding unfold as it is meant to do. Confusion seems to dominate the situation. The watcher is aware of the choices that are made and the potential outcome. I am torn because I am aspiring to catch up with that which is meant to be (in other words, I am in the outer).
The watcher has a sense of something in a quieter way. For me, being in the outer, it is much more difficult because I am thrown around and pressured and I don’t know where anything is going. My uneasiness exists because of the suspense that I feel. I can’t access the knowingness that I carry; it’s gotten lost. I can sense it, but I could be wrong.
In other words, I am gauging this back and forth process inside myself with something other than the mind. It depends upon the way I am able to listen to my heart. If I have a good connection with the heart I may get it, but if the mental faculties or the way that the inflections from the heart are heard are wrong, then I am apt to do it wrong or get it wrong. So how do I break the trance and get this to come through? The heart has a memory, but the awareness is not conscious to me in an outer way.
So the best I can do for guidance is note how the heart is undulating back and forth. Of the choices that exist, some step has been taken. That step sets in motion the potentialities. They are set in motion, and the watcher has a sense of where that can go, but the watcher is a watcher and it can’t interfere and it can’t help me out, and I’m sitting in a state of delirium about this. So the combination of that choice seems baffling to me, in the outer, but from within there is a sight. From within I am able to close in on what is meant to be. I am able to see how the choice that was selected correlates to the intended end result. In the outer I struggle to grasp what the heart knows is right and screen that out from the options my mind presents. To the degree those options come strictly from the mind instead of from a direct inner knowingness is the degree to which I see myself under a lot of pressure.
One of the reasons I am under pressure is that mental ideas have a manner about them that tends to cloud the clarity. The heart seeks the clarity. The mind is reaching for what it thinks is right. To go from thinking into knowing is a big step. It is automatic when one’s attention is able to be on the heart first and foremost. From deep within that is possible.
On the outer level for me, the scales are still tipped towards my perceptions and thoughts. The result is a kind of an amnesia and bewilderment. A part of me wants to just sleep and swim unconsciously in the unconstellated knowingness, but I can’t. I just go somewhere else so far away that what I am shown and what I am able to experience tangibly become the issue. In other words, much of what I am shown is lost, and that is an issue of negligence.
So I fight to somehow bring it through. I have to struggle to remember. Remembering has phases to it. There is a remembering that is readily eclipsed. This is a memory in which the inner connection is obliterated by a single thought. To a large degree I have made it through this phase. Where I am now is having to deal with a memory that needs to access more energy in order for the knowingness to become outwardly more conscious. The problem that I have in seeing this from within and bringing it forth in the outer is associated with wanting to go within and, in so doing, give in to the outer tiredness and fall back into an amnesia.
The watcher is caught in the middle. The watcher is both in the inner and in the outer. The watcher is a kind of lightbody. From its inner connection it is able to remain still. In this particular scenario, the watcher has caught up energetically with the information embedded in the lightbody and there is a direct, not tangible, connection to what needs to evolve. To a degree this leaks through to me in the outer, at first as an intuition to the degree to which I am able to connect that innerness to the outer. Very weak, in other words. The idea that there are ideas to be grasped and taken into account only confuses us; that is when the mind comes in.
The knowingness exists directly as a function of connecting to what is meant to be, and that is not a thought process. It is a process of energetically catching up with a knowingness embedded in light; a light of the whole. Because my light is pulled to that in order to see what is going on, rather than only intuitively sense it. The new information revealed is that in the early parts of the process you sense what is going on, you intuit it, and you can kind of catch up with it with meaningful coincidences so you know there is some validity to it. Then you learn to protect a certain quality of your own nature, of your own light as you are using that to discern things.
But you are doing this by feel initially, because you are still addressing and looking at your light as something that has a lot to do with who you are and you still, in spite of what you may hear, you still don’t have the perception to not see yourself as separate. Then when the time comes when your light has to be recognized as nothing more than a part of the whole, that is when the seeingness takes place. That is when you can actually start to see what is meant to be going on. Up until that particular point, you are only getting it by a type of inflection; what you could say of it is intuitive, or just a sense of it.
