The Conversation

Jeane: I had a few dreams. In the first one, it feels like I’m waiting for my friend, K., to come and visit. I haven’t seen her for a long time. She gets really delayed – I mean days or weeks go by and she hasn’t arrived, so I search through my mind and try to figure out what’s happened. I figure out that on the route she was traveling she probably went by where I used to live and met my friend, D., and she is probably staying with him. She may not want to tell me that because she might think that I like D., but that isn’t the issue. The issue is that I know that women really like D., but he is someone who acts like he’s very available but he seems to break up with the woman he’s with about every two years. He’s not really available, he just looks like he is. And how do I tell her that?

So having figured out she’s with him, I decide I should travel there and visit. So I go there and she also has a son, who is older. It seems like she’s there, but I can’t tell if she is staying with D. or if she’s staying separately from him. I’m not quite 100% sure of their relationship. I want to be kind of diplomatic and find a way… I mean you can’t really tell a person that someone they like is not available when they look like they are. It’s one of those hard things.

So I’m thinking about all that and then it seems like we all have to travel somewhere and D. is traveling with this older Native American man.

John: So far what you’re indicating is that you’re going through a psychological process of telling yourself that nothing is permanent, and that whatever you feel and experience at any depth inside you can only exist for a certain period of time. Somehow or other you have this inner belief that this is how it is in life, and it’s probably based on your understanding of how things seem to reflect externally. Of course, if you look at the outer world as a place of continuous disturbance or, as some would say, even a place of general suffering, then whatever identification you have will always get turned on its ear at some point in time, so in that sense, things that exist outwardly, that have no connection to the inner essence, will always come to an end at some point in time.

What’s so peculiar about the dream is that D. is really an aspect of you, and yet, you’re waiting for something about that aspect to become more enhanced, i.e., more ready for a certain commitment.

And the part of you represented by K. is trying to hide from you, so to speak, as it seems to be able to disenfranchise the D. part of yourself, which is an even deeper essence part of you. You feel a responsibility to point out that none of this can go anywhere, and by taking and maintaining this kind of mannerism between the three of you (triad), you believe you can somehow keep yourself from being hurt because you’re being rational, and you’re showing common sense, and you’re making an observance that has stood the test of time for you in terms of how the inner energies reflect into outer consequences.

All of this begs an even bigger question, because this way of seeing in you will always project this kind of consequence or outcome. So is there some part of you that doesn’t carry what is almost a kind of jinx in terms of perspective? The essence connection inside of you isn’t really alive if it can vary and change over time. It’s not really a part of your beingness if it is like that. That is too disjointed for an essence connection, which is something deeper and permeates through. That’s the nature of an essence, it has a permanence that can always be connected to or with.

So this dream shows you having a conversation with yourself about all these areas where you still carry an involvement, and the involvement brings with it aspects of fear, aspects of attachment, aspects of identity, and qualities or characteristics of a state of beingness. And this conversation understands that these involvements need to fall away for you to solidify your deeper connection to essence. It is the essence that will remain, ultimately, after everything else has fallen away and you stop projecting your life from your less permanent places.

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