Saying Goodbye

Jeane: I’ve become aware that someone associated with a van has killed a man who is an older brother that I didn’t even know I had. The police have put out a bulletin: “If anyone sees this van with X numbers on it,” and all that, to get in contact with them.

Then the dream focuses on me at the funeral. I’m responsible for people getting up and speaking about his life. I’m sitting in the very back. There are a lot of people at the funeral. People, including my cousins, are getting up and talking. I have an older sister that I also can’t seem to relate to, who is crying. Apparently she was pretty close to him.

There’s a line of people on the side of the wall and I want to go over to that line. Then I’ll be one of the last people; I can go up and summarize things. I’m thinking it’s very good that all these people are speaking because I can’t even remember him. I’m wondering if one of my parents was perhaps married before, or maybe he was just that much older.

Then the scene shifts slightly and I’m seeing the sister that was close to him sitting in front of a table….

John: That’s a switch in energy again. First of all, it’s very positive that the scene is one where everything is taken out – all your memory is gone. If you’re at a funeral, you don’t dwell upon a person’s imperfections (your associations), you’re going to remember the essence of them that shone through. So you have little or no memory about this masculine energetic in the form of a brother.

In this case, it’s about recognizing something that was a spark. All that’s left is the spark, or essence, that has touched you. Consequently, that’s a freedom, and that freedom then fills the breath. So that’s what that image is doing.

Jeane: It must be after the funeral and an older sister (I don’t know her very well either) is kneeling in front of a table set up like an altar. There are different things propped up on it, maybe a book and on the cover is a picture of the brother, and maybe some things are written there. She is in tears.

Next I’m looking at the bulletin that the police put out, you know, for the van with a certain number on it. And then I’m looking around and I’m having two thoughts simultaneously. One, when I see her sadness, I realize that maybe because she was older that she was closer to him, that she has a knowledge of him that I don’t.

And then I’m thinking that any of these people walking or sitting near me could have been the person driving the van that killed him. It’s like I just don’t know. So I’m looking at them a little bit and wondering. That was that whole thing.

John: Now, the dream did switch of course. What occurred with your sister (which means a part of your self) asks the question, when an equation of life is dropped before you, to what degree can you relate backwards in terms of memory?

There are two types of memory, memory that goes to the essence, and memory that travels the synapses. So this dream is like one of those tests where I might ask you for the first thing that comes to mind. If I say “up,” you might say “down.” If I say “cold,” you might say hot.” If I say “black,” you might say “white.” Then if I say “ turpid,” you don’t know what to say. Your thoughts will have to jump somewhere else.

All of that is the synaptic approach to memory, based on associations. So when your sister is crying, technically speaking (on a higher level), she is crying because of the associations that she’s still attached to, in terms of her synaptic memory.  And she (that part of you) needs forgiveness from those associations because they create heartache for her, instead of a sense of freedom.

So, the perspective you experience in the dream, with no memory of the brother, frees you from that kind of heartache. There is a masculine essence that you were trying to hold onto, yet you weren’t quite reaching. You are told you had a brother, yet you don’t remember anything, which says you missed the essence.

So then you shift. You try a little harder. The sister part inside you, or this other part that has a connection to the brother, is sitting there grieving and crying because that part of you is interceding with the synaptic associations, but that’s still one step removed from the essence.

So, what’s the crying really about? It’s about the failure to catch up with the freedom of the essence. Actually, it’s a form of forgiveness. It’s a release, a letting go. If she is able to do it properly, then the freedom will exist. If she can’t do it properly, then your sister (aspect) keeps feeling the loss (because she can’t drop the associations that stand between her and the essence).

From your higher perspective, you are seeing this. So the dream’s higher octave is telling you that because you’re putting certain perceptions or certain images in the way, it’s keeping you from reaching a certain quality of essence that’s there.

It’s like you’ve created a state of ambivalence for yourself: you don’t have the essence, and you also don’t have the associations (memories) that prevent a type of forgiveness. The process of letting go is very similar to what your sister was doing. Can she do that? Can she drop what she recognizes as memorable that she still is attached to? If she can, she sets herself free.

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