Choosing the Right Door

Jeane: In the next dream I’m a brunette in my early 40s and I seem to be at a university. I’m taking courses but I realize that I’m not trying to get a degree like other people, because I already have a degree.

I’ve met a man on campus at one of the coffee shops. He seems a little older, but he’s very interested in me and he wants me to meet him at the place where he lives on campus.

It seems like he must be a teacher or something because the place he is describing is a type of campus housing. While we are sitting in the coffee shop we are playing some odd style of poker that I sense I can’t really win at.

But I do decide to go to his place. When I get there, it seems that I have to check in at one building before I can get to the building this man is in. This process makes me feel very self-conscious; I’m not sure whether what I’m doing is the right thing.

But then I see other women come and check in. I watch them put their lipstick on and then walk back out of the building – I guess to go see someone. The whole thing doesn’t feel quite right, but I continue to the next building where this man has a room.

I walk up to this wall – it’s a white, plaster wall – and it has a smooth corner. In that corner I can see the outlines of three doors and each one has writing on it, perhaps even a symbol of some sort.

I know one of these doors leads into his room, so I’m reading the signs very carefully. I want to be sure that I get the right door.

That’s all I remember of that dream.

John: Yesterday we looked at the dream you had earlier in the night (see A Saint in the Darkness). This one continues the thread, yet takes you a step further in the progression.

As we discussed, the previous dream found you in a foreign land (with a teacher), feeling out of sorts and unable to trust the circumstances – even the water was too contaminated to wash in. So here you find yourself as a women in her 40s taking college classes, so you are still in a strange environment, but it’s much less strange.

Seeing yourself back at college as an adult can be looked at in different ways. It could be read as an inability to move on – becoming a perennial student is like existing in the void. Or it could be seen as gathering new information to allow you to go back into life with a greater understanding.

In this case I think it’s the latter; you’re actually looking to come back into life. So you are returned from the foreign land, so to speak, and this now is another step in the process. And you are trying to incorporate this new knowledge into your life.

Unfortunately, you woke up before we saw which door you selected. Because it’s possible for you, being in an uncomfortable position, to select the option that falls back on the old established patterns rather than working through the struggle to incorporate the new growth into your life.

Just as we discussed yesterday, are you going to shine a light in the darkness? You’ve made an inner recognition where you’re no longer sure of what you’re feeling, so you’ve gone back to get another infusion of insight, i.e., college classes.

So how will you utilize that? Will you take it back into life as a growth and advancement? Or do you use the new insight as a crutch to lean on, like a merit badge you point to for your own sense of security, or idea of balance?

When you were telling the first dream, I kept thinking, that’s a type of transcendent journey, because you get into an expanse where you can’t find anything about yourself. Everything can seem dead and dry. Then, when you told the second dream, a positive way to look at it is as a return to a point where something is seen as vitally alive again.

You’ve gone from a dazzling darkness in the first dream – where there’s aliveness, but you’re not aware of it – back into the light. I think it could be a very advanced stage that your dream might be describing.

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