Archive for April, 2011

John: Jeane has described two dreams from the same night and one had a feeling of delicacy, prettiness, and flow (see Getting Smaller and Smaller), and one was closer to a nightmare with kidnapping, and forced surgery, and genetic engineering (see The Factory).

Dreams during a single night are often related. In the first dream, you had an inner flow going with the envelopes getting smaller, but you stepped off that flow and found yourself at the university campus – back in reality – because of a name or a word that sent you off on a detour.

At first blush, that detour from the envelopes might have looked like something interesting, but as you went into it you began to realize that what existed there was not as interesting as what was happening in the flow of the envelopes. At the university, an aspect of you is tied up in that identity.

In the second dream, which was much more bizarre in its imagery, the real connective clue came at the very end where you indicate your frustration with the person justifying the treatment in the factory as a shortcut. They had rationalized that it was okay to gain something in such a way – it’s another kind of detour that’s also associated with identity.

You sneak into the factory, and you have binoculars, and you are observing what is going on there – at some danger to yourself because you might be caught. Every time we deviate from the flow of things, which we do by identifying ourselves too closely with something in the outer, we discover that what we think will be there isn’t really there. Whatever those people in the factory were gaining, or staying ignorant of, was not worth the experience.

Usually you don’t get such a grotesque image of what it’s like to go off on a detour. But the object of the process is to continually travel as far as possible, staying with the quality inside. We always have the choice to step off and take a time out, but the effect is to lose the flow and the access to the greater quality.

When you’re going deeper and deeper inside yourself, at some particular point in that depth of traveling, it can become too much. You could blink, you could have a fever, or feel it’s just too much light. The detour, or deviation, is an act of grasping onto something more tangible and more familiar.

It shows you still feel the need to identify yourself with something outward, something external, as you delve deeper into the internal. And that need is what creates the moment of stepping off. Once there, it may look fascinating and you might appreciate it, but ultimately you realize that the flow is so much better and you begin to say “No,” it’s not worth it.

That’s when a person comes to the knowing that the process of the journey is what it’s all about. I’ve heard it said that the right attitude for the student is to recognize and accept the journey itself, and not worry, or have expectations, about where it is going. Whatever comes up, comes up, where you are free of the identity that seals you in and cuts you off from the flow.

So your reaction to the depth that you are experiencing is to step off, landing at the university at Chapel Hill. That reaction is a defense mechanism that is still coming up. It’s like an underlying reaction, so it’s on a very subtle level.

It’s an attitude too. It’s almost like you really don’t have anything that you need to claim or hold onto, yet you grasp the detour just the same. That shows an aspect of immaturity in terms of the growth process of a person.

So the consideration here is the degree to which you have to step off the path and out of the flow. In your particular case perhaps you’re deviating because you feel compelled because you’re not up to the challenge, or because your nature is to jump into things like that as if you’d been dared.

At the end, you feel angry and frustrated. The university seemed interesting to start, but then it degenerated. As you probed it further it became more and more bizarre. The way you portrayed all of that bizarreness has to do with a kind of vibration inside of you that’s a little miffed that you went for the detour again and came up empty again.

So these two dreams show a really interesting sword battle going on inside of you.

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Jeane: I still don’t remember the middle dream, so this is the third dream of the night (see Getting Smaller and Smaller). It feels completely opposite from the first dream which had a very delicate, pretty, flowing sense to it; it was a feeling I very much wanted to get back to.

I think this dream could have been influenced by the fact that I’m reading a book called The Family. It’s about a right wing political group that thinks they’re anointed to be Christ’s soldiers, but they’re really about being the elite who are running the world  – they want to be the power behind the scenes. 

So in the dream I’m either with you or some other man, and there’s another man with us who feels more like a brother. We’re trying to investigate a factory at the edge of town where we know people are being taken. Surgery is being performed on them, and it seems they are even being genetically altered.

Some group is doing all kinds of things to make these people the way they want them to be. They are kidnapping people, holding them against their will, and then altering them.

I’ve been in the factory once and I’ve seen what they do. We’re trying to expose them and close them down. Some of the people who work their support what is going on, and others just turn a blind eye and ignore what is happening.

We’re trying to break in or get enough information so the factory can be stopped, but we might get captured ourselves. Part of me just wants to get a good pair of binoculars and observe what’s going on, and another part of me feels like I have to try to get in to the factory.

You tell me that if I should get caught, to just act like I’m there to give someone sexual favors as a way to distract them. I’m not too down with that plan. You might even tell me to stay away, but either way I’m suddenly on my own and going into the factory. 

It feels like this time there is a woman who is helping me. I’m almost discovered. There’s a worker who’s suspicious. I see a way to get out, but I’m carrying some bedding and maybe my binoculars, or a camera or other things, and I need something to put them in.

I see some very thick plastic bags that look like they are manufactured there; maybe they even put them over the bodies. I’m opening one of them up, while being watched with suspicion, so I can put my linens and stuff inside.

When I finally get outside the factory and into town, suddenly someone is questioning why am I doing these things. I actually knock them down. I think I’m trying to beat them up. I’m mad because I think they put up with this factory making changes to them because they’re changes that they really couldn’t do on their own.

I’m really mad that they would allow it to continue just for that reason, so it feels like I actually want to beat them up or something. At least I’ve knocked them down. That’s about the time I woke up.

John: So, why do you feel that this was so different from the first dream?

Tomorrow we will look at how both dreams explore similar territory using very different images and evoking very different feelings.

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Jeane: I had two very contrasting dreams. In the first, it’s almost like I’ve fallen, or I’ve traveled, somewhere and I’m going down into this kind of… It’s like going into an envelope and finding a much smaller envelope and flowing into yet a smaller envelope. Everything is white, and pretty, and delicate. It reminds me of those folded paper fortune-tellers that we played with as kids – they open up in four ways or something.

So these envelopes keep getting smaller as I travel down and in, and there’s a very pretty feeling that goes with it. It’s almost like being inside a lily or something because it’s white and flowing and it’s getting smaller and I’m kind of seeing what’s in the next envelope, or going into it.

But I don’t really see into the next one because someone distracts me by yelling out a name, and because they’ve said this name, I become a person again and I can’t continue into the next smaller envelope.

I feel like I’m somewhere in Chapel Hill, North Carolina, at the university, but I don’t really see myself on campus or anything. I just have the name, but because I have the name in my head there’s a person now, so I can’t keep flowing into the envelopes. They’re pretty little white envelopes and I can’t get back there even though I really try. That’s the first dream.

John: What your dream is describing is what it’s like to go inside yourself, in a way in which you are letting go. Normally we hold onto things, even our thoughts. A principle behind meditation is that we have to bury our thoughts. The idea is to figure out how to let go of our thoughts, or bury them, within a quality of the vibration.

But it’s just like remembering a dream: as soon as a thought comes into your head, something dense that causes a distraction, that thought will obliterate whatever else is going on. Dreams are generally quiet and subtle, and they have a vibrational flow. Any sort of thought from your waking state is much denser and tends to shut off the vibrational flow of the dream, and therefore shuts off the journey itself.

So in your dream you are portraying both the journey and the interruption. It’s like an in-breath dream, because as you’re going in on the in-breath, you’re going deeper and deeper into a subtler place of emptiness.

Your limitation is when a thought comes up that’s still an issue for you. Then you suddenly find yourself in that place, based on whatever that thought or that specific issue was. You instantly step off your inner elevator, so to speak, and find yourself in Chapel Hill, representing something you still need to deal with.

You have to think what Chapel Hill signifies.

Jeane: And there was also somebody’s name, but I can’t remember it.

John: It’s almost like subtle humor with yourself, in terms of a certain persona that you’re still hanging onto.

Let me ponder this for a moment… whether this is an out-breath or an in-breath action. The image of going into smaller and smaller envelopes is like an in-breath. Yet when you flow into the outer in a vibrational way, you’re actually going into the density of things in a smaller and smaller way. So it’s like you’re going in both directions at the same time.

The vibration… that’s why this whole thing has a paradox to it. The smaller and smaller direction, then, is a letting go of things. In other words, that’s where the paradox is. It’s not a microcosmic thing. It’s the letting go of things more and more, smaller and smaller envelopes, which is why it really is more of the in-breath quality.

The in-breath takes us home, yet is stopped when there is still the need to identify with something. So you are still identifying with something – Chapel Hill – as a process of educating yourself. It’s like you haven’t grown out of it completely – it still interests you in some fashion. Otherwise things would just keep falling away and falling away, until all of a sudden you’re into an emptiness, or a nothingness.

It gets smaller and smaller until there’s just nothing tangible to put your finger on anymore. It’s interesting that you would have an inner motion dream. That’s what I would call it. I mean, I’ve had the outer motion dream, or an out-breath dream, which is like coming down an elevator but maintaining a certain focus and concentration on something as you get off the elevator – before you go zipping back up.

This is more of a dream of the in-breath, and what it’s like to go deep inside where everything falls away and the issues that you contend with get smaller and smaller, less and less, until poof!

The actual vibration of a nothingness is so great that the tendency, at some point, is to still hearken back to something that hasn’t been completely let go. And then the thing is to make a note of that subtle reflection – represented here by the Chapel Hill aspect – so that you, in noting it and feeling what it is like, can let that go, too, to travel even further, into the deeper, subtler areas within yourself.

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