Sweating it Out

John: Well, what’s been going on with me is that I’ve been sweating in the night during my sleep. I feel it’s because I’m struggling too hard to make something happen inside, but I can’t because some piece is missing.

What makes it so awkward is that I can feel what’s missing. It’s like the universe has shifted in such a way that this thing needs to happen, yet from the position I’m in it’s not going to; I need to change.

So this struggle is tearing at me and I keep trying to burn through it, so to speak, and the attempt to burn through creates the sweating. My lower self can look and say, “It’s not going to happen.” But my inner (higher) self can say, “Yes, I feel it has to be.”

Then I had a dream that explained what was missing. I tried to write it up, even though I didn’t know what the beginning of the dream was. I just knew that this pattern was repeating and repeating inside of me.

The dream starts out with me walking with a woman who is carrying an energy that she keeps to herself. She has described to me a dream with a disk in it, and I want to know more about it. I know about the energy, but I don’t know the full depth of it.

She has her reasons for keeping it to herself, but she sets up a process that can cause a shift: she has me wait. In a sense, too much information needs to come out of her, and so she finds other things she needs to do: she has to go further before she can bring this out.

As a result she has me wait because she’s on a tight schedule; she needs to walk her dog. Once she gets that out of the way she will have the time to relate again and she can be more communicative.

I see myself waiting off to one side. I’m not sure whether I’m supposed to know automatically when she’s through walking her dog, or whether she’s going to come back to where I am so we can resume our walk.

Somehow in all this she’s indicated that she’d like me to see her house. Normally she hides her house from everyone. This time, as part of the revealing, as part of finishing everything up, she will show me the house that she lives in and that will then make the whole thing complete. It’s nothing sexual; it’s just her wanting to share, to be open.

The surface meaning here is that this woman is a person whom I know in my waking life as someone who has a connection to an insight that she’s withholding. She doesn’t share it because she’s afraid of rejection, or of being seen as crazy or dangerous in her perceptions.

But she owes it to life to share what she embodies. Until she does, there’s no way certain things can work out for her, in her life. And her reality is being used symbolically in this imagery, because this is also the scenario in my dreaming that is causing me to sweat. In my case, I feel I’m unable to complete a process until some intangible energetic is shared. By coming out of her shell, she’ll able to bring the missing piece to something that otherwise would not transpire.

Now this has a deeper meaning, because all of these dream components represent a part of me. So the imagery is showing an aspect of me that has a fear of being rebuked or rejected. As a consequence, I’m not giving to myself what I need in order to accomplish something. It’s actually a type of feminine anger within me. When I allow myself to take this self-rejection in, and be okay with it, it amounts to self-forgiveness.

So I’m given this simple step to bring the magic of the feminine into the process of my life, because not everything can be solved through power and pressure (masculine). Until I do, all my efforts will result in sweating because I’ll be unable to make the linkage and I will suffer with a subtle anger or pent-up rage.

What’s also interesting is seeing how this intertwines with your dream, where you needed to integrate the masculine to further your own process. It’s two sides of the same coin.

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