John: Well, your dreams provided me with an answer to a pattern that just keeps repeating in me. The pattern keeps repeating because I’m not accepting it – I’m not getting the message.
The best way to explain it is that I can’t get beyond a condition that I feel is an inner, latent anger, or frustration. So, as I’m falling asleep at night, I still carry this latent anger in me, even though I sense that there’s a change afoot that I should be embracing and excited about.
This energy seems so loud that it’s smothering my ability to take a transition or a take step forward. Consequently, I’m sweating during the night and I’m basically crashing; I’m not breaking through.
This turmoil actually weakens me on a physical level. The feeling of peace I need isn’t there because I’m not at ease with the world around me. The anger I carry about certain conditions that exist is very deep. It feels like it’s a part of my cellular structure. I mean, how else can I explain that one part of me can feel it, while another part of me still can’t let go?
It may be something that needs to be lifted from my being by reaching a higher energetic state, as when you are with a teacher and their knowing reflection let’s you see clearly what you are holding onto. Yet as long as I carry this condition it clouds the way I relate to the world connectively.
I know this is why I’m not able to get better physically (my stiff shoulder), and why I sweat at night. Because I’m unable to drop my outrage, I’m unable to bring through a heartfelt connection to the whole. I lack the compassion, composure, acceptance, and freedom that I need to sustain an overall, intertwined, sense of being that I can feel is trying to surface. Without this overall sense of being, which merges into the light of everything, I’m unable to facilitate an inner-into-outer life connection.
Instead my dwelling enables this aspect of anger to rise up and contaminate things. So my patterns of reaction get in the way and veil my heart, which should naturally be aligned with all there is in life.
So that’s my situation. Why is it so imbedded in me? What did I do to create this physical pain (stiff shoulder) and sweating at night?
In this dream I’m very talkative and I’m explaining the process of how I’ve worked with local courthouses for many years. In the old days, all the records and paperwork were kept manually. It was very cumbersome, but I got used to it and knew how it worked.
Then, over time, as various new systems came into use, especially computer technology, it really changed the way things were done and simplified things a lot. These changes caused a resistance and a reaction in me.
I felt I was always being challenged to figure out what had changed, and was forced to adapt to receiving information in a new way. Even if the computer technology made things faster, I still preferred using the slower system. The newness scared me; it embarrassed me. It caused me to have to ask questions.
In a way it made me feel helpless again and the reactions that I felt in having to cope got printed in my cellular makeup. My resistance was a form of saying “No” to the changes. But whether I liked it or not, the changes were coming.
This is an example of why I have trouble making these kinds of shifts in my life and, perhaps, also explains why it takes a long time for change to occur in the world, because we have imposed these patterns upon ourselves in a cellular way. Our patterns give us a sense of comfort to the point where we resist both physically and mentally.
So we embrace the familiar rather than the new. This makes it necessary for us be jerked forward, because otherwise we’d stay right where we are. We tend to say no to energetic shifts that can actually enable us to experience life in a whole new way.
Another analogy might be when a person is trying to lose weight. When they’ve gotten accustomed to carrying themselves in a particular way and try to fight it, it’s as if the print in their cells gets in the way because they can react as if they’re starving. This can cause all manner of thoughts and feelings that can cause a relapse back to old ways.
That’s just a small example of how a process can unfold when we try to shift from the mundane (daily life, personal) into the light (spiritual, universal).