John: So, what I was describing yesterday (see Jailed Cells) was how I limit myself in becoming conscious.
In the dream I’m explaining how I worked in the old days. I’m giving a history lesson to people who see me as an old timer, like I went through the horse and buggy stage of courthouse development.
So I’m standing there describing how things used to be and how I was there when the computer technology was gradually ushered in. I’m telling this story like it’s a glamorous history. But what I’m not able to communicate is how I had to live with this in my chakras.
In other words, I’m telling this glamorous story of what happened in the outer life, but I’m not conveying how it evolved in my inner life – in the chakras – where I cringed at every change. I was fearful that each change would cause me further embarrassment, or that I wouldn’t be able to figure it out, or that I would in some unknown way be harmed.
That was the irrationality that I had to contend with as life jerked me forward against my will, so to speak, but for my overall benefit and for the overall benefit of the whole. This is what we all do in our daily lives when we resist change, or when we try to control the outcome of events when really we should go with events and navigate the flow like a kayaker in a river.
Of course this process is seen in me through the lens of the masculine. The masculine is introduced to change as if it’s a matter of having to contend with more variables – that’s how we look at it. And having to contend with more variables, we don’t sort it out very well because we want to tackle them individually when we should be bringing in the spaciousness and encompassing qualities of the feminine. We need to unite the many into one (feminine); that’s how the masculine aligns.
The feminine can pull a new energetic down into her overallness and create the feel of how the new can be integrated into it and be okay within the (expanded) whole – in spite of fear or anger or reactivity patterns. That’s the process the feminine needs. She can then incorporate the masculine aspect that will bring out a greater breadth and depth to the naturalness that she holds.
When I’m confronted with having to work with an intertwined oneness, when I realize how I’m a part of everything, it triggers a dueling nature in me that I’ve become accustomed to and am familiar with. This familiarity is, as I mentioned before, in my tissues and I have the realization that this seeks to protect me from change – as if I need protection from change.
It seems to be a kind of survival mechanism that’s part of my synapses and my familiarity with this has become a dependency. To relate to everything as light and know that change is possible based upon how I take that light and run it through me is a scary prospect.
Thus, I hold onto the density, which appears as familiarity or patterns in the outer, and accept that because, even though I know on one level that it inhibits energetic change, on another level I experience it as something dangerous. Ultimately, I have to adjust to be able to grow and accept change.
Isn’t that interesting? And do you see how much differently your experience with this process was, and yet it was the same thing (see Finding What’s Natural)? In other words, you adapted a more subjective naturalness to the imminent change, while I had to take a beating with my sweating at night and my stiff shoulder.
