John: In Coming Clean, we discussed how the feminine can hold the note of something purely, even though there might be a veil of contamination because of personal psychologies. In my dream, we see the flip side of that: how the masculine gets disconnected from what is purely held.
Through history, the masculine has had the audacity to impose its will and power (physically), likely because it has lost its ability to connect to true power and true will (energetically). The feminine has, over time, taken on what appears to be a contamination but, deep down, it’s just wounded, because when you take away the wound, it actually comes back to a spark that’s unalterable.
Because the masculine functions more actively in terms of how it relates to its environment – more doing, less being – it has tended to view things in a more personal way. That deviation from its connections has become imbedded in its psyche as an inner conflict – the masculine is no longer able to offer the clarity of its natural connections.
The feminine holds it, and is able to cause the masculine to reconnect again. The masculine can find that connection through the groundedness of the feminine aspects of its own nature, but only when it sets aside the personalized aspects of its viewpoint – its efforts to control and wield power in a physical way.
In my dream I just have the feeling that I’m carrying the belief that change is needed, but I find that others are resistant to the change. I’m pressing for change because somewhere inside I know its importance. The reason I’m resisted is based upon a claim that I’m guilty of duplicity.
In this scenario, the masculine has been contaminated, and that causes an inner contradiction that feels like duplicity – it’s a betrayal of oneself. In the dream, I am both the seeker of change and the resistance to it.
In my outer life, I’ve been trying to see what’s behind the glittering lights of Las Vegas – to see through to the energy that enlivens this place. I know there’s something more there, but in the dream I touch opposition, which triggers a fight-or-flight psychology in me. As a consequence, the argument against change is that I have no right to be the one that seeks it because I’m already compromised.
In other words, I’m not strong enough to make the clarity of the situation visible – the purity behind it, which is the feminine trait. I can see that the collective argument being used against me makes a good point.
So this dream exposes my sense of righteousness in wanting to push change through. I wouldn’t feel righteous if I were truly clean. I, too, am fighting something in which I’ve been wounded and hurt in the feminine aspect of myself. At the same time, the deviated aspect is creating confusion or veiling me from it. I’m revealing that I lack the rootedness needed because I haven’t gotten to the bottom of where it’s coming from.
So how can I offer a resolution (change) if, deep down, I’m poisoned? If one is really innocent and truly clear, it comes through. Something of the truth still echoes in me as an ancient memory even though it’s not very clear, it’s repressed as a contamination, and that affects what I seek to achieve. This inner psychology is working against the transition that’s possible.
I remember once sitting and playing cards, and I got really upset over how I was just not drawing any cards at all. While in this deviated state, a certain conversation came up and I reacted very strongly against it. A woman at the table – who is very, very conscious and a teacher in her own right – said, “Ah hah,” and her eyes twinkled. I understood her meaning: Whenever we have a really strong reaction to something, there’s more to it than meets the eye.
Now, in that moment I strongly disagreed with her, but I never forgot the message of what she said. Whenever we feel righteous about something, it’s rooted in something deeper that’s unresolved. It’s almost like feeling forced into a corner, where you’ll fight hardest to get free. Righteousness has that same inner depth of feeling – it’s like a survival mode. Such psychological contamination can prevent us from allowing necessary changes to occur.
