John: Yesterday, the theme of the dreaming had to do with catching up with a certain adjustment, or shift, that needs to be made in order to keep a flow alive. We each have to do that in a slightly different way.
In my particular case, I carry a righteousness that leads to an inner cringing when something isn’t working out, or I feel it isn’t right, or where I become overindulgent in some fashion – trying to get my way or control what is happening. I feel it as a tightness in me that shuts off the flow.
In your case, you measure the energy around you and, when something isn’t harmonizing properly, the part of you that pretends that there’s no such thing as good, better, or best on that level, senses that, apparently, there is, and so you go on strike.
If the music is not just so, or something like that, you go on strike. But you hold off well; you hold off for a long time before you go on strike. However, if the lack of harmony causes a break in the linkage, there’s only so much you can take – then you get headaches, etc.
The problem with going on strike, or feeling an internal cringe, is that these are both forms of shutting off from the flow. The difference between us is that when the masculine does it, it’s an attempt to pout about how it wants something to be the way it wants it to be.
The feminine shuts down because she apparently identifies going on strike as a response to some sort of unacceptable behavior, or inner wounding. A person in this work can realize that going on strike is just a form of self-torture; you can hold out, but eventually it taxes you and you get drained and then you lose your inner speed and acuity.
And you lose the knowingness that is naturally embodied in the feminine. You can’t hear it in you any more. For the masculine, the knowingness seems to flow from somewhere else, rather than being embodied. Actually, they’re both the same, but they’re experienced slightly differently between masculine and feminine perception.
This pattern of going on strike is actually a kind of feminine way of declaring war on God, or on the wholeness of one’s self – so you don’t dream and you don’t pick up a process flowing through you because you can’t get that through the lower mood or tone. Somehow the focus and attention can even go adrift. When the focus and attention is still there, you can still pull the dream out, which can help reset or retune something – up to a point.
My dream again showcases the masculine side of the story (in terms of the inner cringing and whatnot):
In this dream, when I’m called upon for an answer, I seem to get it wrong. I cringe when this happens and, by so doing, I close down. A spiritual teacher in the dream is trying to cause me to notice that this happening because my ego is craving recognition.
Of course, there is obviously an aspect of ego involved here because I become veiled from a flow. The spiritual teacher asks a question. I raise my hand with an answer. Another person raises his hand as well.
The teacher is about to call on the other person, but then he senses my craving for recognition and, to make an even deeper point, he chooses to expose this pattern by calling on me. I say, “The answer is four.” He says, “No,” and turns to the other person. The other person says, “Ten.” The teacher says, “Right.”
I cringe but, because I’m seeking to hear and know, a most interesting thing occurs. I notice that the teacher has understood this outplay ahead of time, a split second before, because he could read the energy. Because I acknowledge it, it causes something different to unfold.
Suddenly, I let go of my cringing long enough to see that what is important is following the flow wherever it leads. That’s what is right, so “four” was right. It’s the number of completion. It turns out to be right because it leads to seeing the flow, and “ten” was right because it contained the knowingness of one in its fullness.
Said another way, the four is important in order for there to be a flow in Creation, and the Oneness is what holds Creation together. In this example, being okay with being wrong gets me aligned to the flow instead of me staying within the cringing of my ego self.
I come to know the greater truth that’s always behind whatever is occurring, in the realms of causation. That truth is the wholeness that’s coming through from the inner into the outer. And it’s a flow that’s natural and complete in its sense of knowing.