Shades of Neutral

John: So we have both experienced dreams examining a similar territory, with quite a few elements at play. These dreams reveal two ways to look at a situation where we’re unable to handle the energy of a particular inner depth.

In your dream (see The Self, Absorbed), you required a group of images to get the message through. That tells me that there’s still a certain degree of discontinuity in your nature. (Your unconscious broke it down into separate images because part of you was short-circuiting; that happens because you’re beating yourself up by not fully accepting who you are.)

In my case (see Feeling in the Heart and Not Yet Awake), I pulled it all through in one dream image.

Humans are capable of creating change in how others act or feel – and do it in an unnoticed way – just by the kind of energetic space or state they hold within. If this energetic state doesn’t impose upon the other person (i.e., radiate judgment, anger, etc), the neutrality can be liberating. They may not even realize that it’s happening, but what is liberated in the other person can also be too much to handle.

When it is, it can come back at us. So, we need to accept that and be able to handle it. In other words, we can’t have it just one way. We have to have it in both an above (inner) and below (outer) manner.

In thinking about this imagery, I’m recognizing that I’ve been a bit ungrounded lately, and therefore not as appreciative toward others as I could be, in a heartfelt way. I’m trying to listen more deeply to reach a knowable condition that I’m supposed to embody. And I’m coming close to being able to absorb the pain of things, or the awkwardness of things, or the peculiarity of things, in a given scenario.

But the way this has happened has left me off the ground a bit. Yet I know I wouldn’t be off the ground if I stayed rooted in my heart and was able to transform with it. I need to be able to recognize that “it is what it is” – holding a state of neutrality toward life – rather than being over-the-top in my reactions. This is still something that I’m not able to do graciously and this is noted when I react towards you (in waking life) instead of connecting naturally or being able to listen to you in a balanced way.

I notice yesterday, in fact, that I bristled a couple of times when you were just being yourself and it’s just terrible on my part. I don’t like doing it and it shows that I’m still on some sort of personal tangent or limitation. As long as I react in such ways, I deny a greater state of empathy toward all things that my dream describes at the beginning.

When I am in my personalized reactivity, I cut myself off from the heart and it’s only a matter of time before I get beat up (as in the dream). I do this to myself over and over again because I’m not staying entwined with my surroundings. When I’m connected with my surroundings, I get the hints.

So I’m just not quite hearing it. In my outer, waking life, I’m getting hints of things before they happen, but I’m just not quite able to remember them. It comes as instinct, or an inner impulse, or as an intuitive feeling.

In the dream the tangent I cause represents, at its extremes, a sense of personal shame toward my “failure.” I’m either too understanding and I relieve an anguish, which keeps something pent-up from leaking out as an ugly trait, or I’m rude as I try to hold onto a state, which snuffs out the connection. In trying too hard to hold a space I disconnect from the heart and go off on a righteous tangent of my own making.

The purpose of this dream is for me to become more connected to myself as seen in the outer, waking life. It’s been a long-term mannerism of mine to project an outer aloofness, which I apparently still think is important in terms of timing and events and what’s happening. But I’m being shown how it’s possible for me to be more open and connected to others, yet in a way that no one gets hurt.

The only person who actually gets hurt when I flip out is me. Yes, it seems that others are affected, but that’s because I’m not clearing the space in a balanced way, as I know how to do.

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