The Lost Feminine

John: In this dream, two women I know – one is a friend the other is a tenant – go off shopping together. I’m to pick them up at the grocery store on the corner. I drive to a parking lot across the street and I don’t park very well, i.e., I park at a side angle. I leave the car running and jump out because I expect them to be ready to go. I have two other people with me in the car.

I don’t want this to take long. I mean, everything is supposed to be bang, bang, ready to go. Because it’s not, I feel guilty that I’m inconveniencing the people in the car. I run to the store to see if the ladies are there. 

I glance back before I walk inside and there’s a car that I’ve partially blocked; the driver is barely able to squeeze around me from his parking spot. I go into the store and search up and down each aisle; the women are nowhere to be found. They must have left and I’ve no idea where they went. 

Now I’m in limbo because I don’t know where they live. I don’t have a cell phone to call them, even if I could remember my friend’s phone number. I’m thinking that I might remember the first digit because I’ve called it before, and then the rest of the number will just pop in my head.

This dream is showing me that a connection, or a linkage, to the feminine has gotten lost, or is breaking free of me, or has changed its mind. I’m trying to figure this out. It feels, on one level, like abandonment. I see myself stranded. Not really, because I can always go back to the car, but it seems like I’ve dropped or lost something that was supposed to be part of the equation.

To a lesser degree, my disorientation is radiating out into the ether and affecting others or inconveniencing them to some degree (there was the car that had to squeeze out of its spot, and the two people waiting in the car.)

So I wake up with a heart that’s confused because I’m feeling temporarily out of touch. It reminds me that my business partner said, “Watch out for the woman tenant because she’s showing a quality of being only out for herself. When she got the lease, she said, ‘You know, I have a lease!’ as if she now had something to lord over us.”

That idea has worked through me and caused me to have a dream like this. The underlying connection is that if I hold an attitude or mannerism where I become too adamant in terms of what I think I’m doing, instead of flowing with the guidance of the universe, I can become disconnected, particularly, in this case, from my inner feminine.

At a deeper level, I have to wonder if this dream has lessons in it that apply to other aspects of how I am in Creation. In other words, usually when I have a particular mannerism that allows something to go on and on repetitively, I think it’s minor or insignificant. But that just supports this little quality or trait, and in affecting me it can affect everything around me.

So, when I have a dream like this I don’t look at it in a strictly literal sense (by saying it’s just about the new tenant). I always wonder how it might reflect on other aspects as well, that are about me and my internal processes. Often such dreams portray how I’m feeling inside even though whatever it is hasn’t yet come to my attention or consciousness.

What’s happening is that an inner acuity, which we all have, is able to see energetic nuances and recognize where there is a subtle imbalance. Whether it becomes loud enough to confront it, and absorb it, is another matter. In this particular case, this energetic imbalance has a feminine quality, but it has a disconnection.

This subtle disconnection perpetuates some aspect that keeps me at a certain distance, which deep down I know I shouldn’t be perpetuating. Every now and then I’ll get an internal memo about it, through my dreams, and it will be shown in a way that makes it look silly (I’m lost in a parking lot with no phone to connect).

Now, the thing about such imbalances – the argument that I make with myself about it – is that I can’t tell if there is a greater purpose behind it. In fact if you get right down to the nitty-gritty, I actually do believe that there’s a greater purpose about it, or behind it, even though it’s off in some regard.

I feel that I have to go through, or somehow deal with, what is off because it’s keeping something else from properly unfolding. This other thing that’s supposed to occur is part of the bigger context of things, so if I react in a way that prevents it, I feel that I’m cutting something off from the whole.

The big equation in life can take a lot, but if I continue to inconvenience it in some way, eventually that inconvenience can grow into something even more problematic.

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