John: The second dream of the night has to do with something that’s happening at a very deep inner level. Only by pulling out a dream like this (remembering it or writing it down) can I recognize that there’s something else repeating and repeating to try to get my attention (for the earlier dream, see The Complexities of Ownership).
What’s happening is that there’s an energetic in my dream that has a shifted sense about it. On a deep level, my inner attention seeks to embrace the energetic that’s coming through from Creation, while at a shallower level I’m still concealing it by holding on to personal attachments in the external world.
In other words, I can see this energetic on the inner, but at the same time I’m veiling it in the outer. This is what happens in waking life when we act from our ego-based mannerisms, or when we act from personal identification. This causes us to diffuse the energetic flow coming through and to deny it it’s full effect.
We exist in the world in a microcosm capacity: we are a small part of the whole. But we separate ourselves from the whole when we become personally indulgent. We do that when we expect the world to go “our way,” or we take on a “me, me, me” attitude. That’s an ego personalization of the life experience.
Now, the imagery that portrays this conflict is like a funny joke. It concerns a slot machine because we are spending time in Vegas. But it shows how we eventually always take the “ego” bait, no matter how good our intentions. When we do that, we betray ourselves in the sense that it causes a disconnection between us and Creation.
I’m with a male friend in Vegas – a person I know in waking life. He’s very grounded and rooted, but he ultimately can’t be trusted. If it makes sense for him to cut you out of the equation, he definitely will. He repeats this pattern over and over again. (We all know a person like this, and he’s in the dream representing this ego-based aspect of me that I’m wrestling with.)
So, we’re together and we’re near one of those huge slot machines. It’s against a wall and we can get to it through a little corridor with an open door. Something isn’t right about the scenario: there are other slot machines that people are involved with and they’re all suffering in their habitual playing.
In other words, they’re under a sad delusion. My friend says, “Give the handle a huge jerk,” and I do. It spins madly and something flies out of the machine and I expect it to land off to one side. I just think the machine has malfunctioned or something.
Instead, some part flies by me and goes into a garbage container way off to the side. I’m stunned. I say, “I’ve never seen that happen before. What does it mean?” My friend says, “It means you hit the jackpot.”
I go over to the machine and sure enough it’s spewing out cash. To keep from being interfered with, I go into the room with this machine and close the door behind me. I need to sort it out: how much money is there, and what’s going on?
I attempt to lock the door. My friend is attempting to open the door, but now he has become a woman and she’s pulling on the door as I attempt to lock myself in. The woman says, “What happened? Yesterday you were saying to me, “You’re the woman, you’re the boss, and now what?”
I wake up.
So I’m being shown that in order to bring the inner energetic (the jackpot) into the outer life, I need to be in the world, but not personally identified with it. We each carry a unique energetic – we are a thought of God – and we’re meant to pass Creation energy through us into life in our unique way – but not in our “personal” way.
When we take any part of the energy for ourselves (closing the door to collect the jackpot), we deny the whole with which we’re intertwined. In the earlier dream I was shown that I’m able to tell when I’m cutting myself off from the whole, and getting personally involved, by the way the energetic feels in my chest.
In this dream I’m shown that I betray my best intentions to not act in a personal way when I hit the jackpot and consider it “my” winnings. I try to lock everyone else out of the room to have it for myself. Basically, I fully take on the attributes of the male friend – who began as only a small, selfish aspect of me. The fact that he then changes from a man to a women indicates that I’m shutting out the feminine or, I’m cutting myself off from Creation.
The image began with me looking at the conditions of my surroundings and wondering what’s needed to change things. I decide to give the system a huge jolt. A shift occurs beyond my wildest imagination (the jackpot). But, instead of staying true to my original principle, I’m so excited by the result that I have to personalize it until I’m able to sort it out.
In the process, I deny Creation what it seeks, which is to make a shift from its current, limited expression, into a greater freedom coming from within.