The Burden of Responsibility

John: The way my dream went it felt like a part of me that needed to be returned, hadn’t been returned because I’d gone missing. When I return, if I can be brought out of my amnesia state – so that I recognize that I am me – then it can be given back.

My dream starts off in a room where there’s a shadow of a person sitting there in a state of suspended animation. There’s a container off to one side that carries something that’s incomplete. For the longest time I don’t know why it’s incomplete, I just know that something doesn’t feel right.

One day, news comes that a person needs to come to the room because there’s something in there for them. When that person arrives, a huge feeling of relief occurs when the object that’s in the container is suddenly turned over to them. It changes the dynamic dramatically.

However, there’s one caveat and the caveat is that, now that the object has been returned, I can’t have a casualness that causes me to lose sight of my surroundings because, if I do, a camel can just sneak up behind me and lay down on me – as if I’m a pillow! Under no conditions can I ever, ever let that happen.

I know this caveat, yet somehow I’ve forgotten it. I’m in the room, thinking I’m all alone even though I know that’s not the case. I’m not looking around very well, but I notice that I picked up three or four white hairs on the soles of my feet from having walked around the room.

While I’m sitting pondering what that means at some very deep level, there’s just enough time to catch me off guard and, coming up from behind is a great big, white camel. Before I know it, this huge smelly camel lies right down on top of me. I have no idea how I can possibly move. But, of course, in that moment it becomes totally clear to me that, under no circumstances, do I ever let something like this happen.

It’s as if the consequences of the first part of the dream lead to this event, and now I have to deal with an even greater complexity, or problem. This circumstance happens as a vibrational energetic; it’s invisible, i.e., I can feel the weight of the camel even though I can’t see it.

In trying to understand this, I go through a process of “What’s going on?,” during which, for the longest time, I feel a sensation of uneasiness.

So what happened? That which needed to be returned to its rightful place was in the room, but the connective energy was dormant in the container. That created some sort of waiting and feeling of suspense. Then a person (a part of me) arrives at the room and the energy is returned, lifting a huge burden of responsibility; that which was held for safekeeping could be set free, returned to where it belongs.

Yet this freedom carries with it a reminder, which is that a focus must be maintained. We have to hold and carry what’s presented to us in such a way so that it doesn’t create another (invisible) weight, causing us to become unintelligent in a whole new way, as seen in the burden taken on after this shift (the camel).

The dream is saying that some disconnected part of me has found it’s home again, causing a completeness, or an end to the separation. Yet it also offers the warning that a lightness can exist, and a laziness can exist. The sense of completion, in other words, can set off another kind of amnesia, where we don’t pay attention to something that can sweep down upon us, unconsciously.

The completeness opens me up, but to what? Openness can be like a fishing net, where you don’t always know what you’ll catch. So a responsibility is required, and a vigilance. The point is, that which is intended and comes to pass mustn’t have the collateral effect of setting in motion some other complexity, because that complexity is of such an unconscious (invisible) nature that I could lose focus and find myself consumed by it.

The mystery to be resolved then, is how is it possible for me to return to who I’m meant to be and, in so doing, find in that return something that’s able to awaken? What awakens carries with it a presence and knowingness that I’m supposed to maintain. The only good thing to say about the burden I find myself under is that it has a sense of humor, because it’s a big white camel just sitting on me.

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