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Archive for July, 2012

John: I had two short dreams.

In this first dream, I drive up to a large pull-up door. It’s a door that you could actually drive through when it’s open, but I stop in front of it. There’s something on the other side that’s colorful, that’s fascinating, that’s wonderful but, as far as I know, the door is closed to me.

Suddenly the attendant says, “Oh, what the heck.” I’m not supposed to be able to go inside, but he’s going to open the door so I can at least take a peek and see it for myself.

I’m standing just outside the door, but now that it’s open, all I see is a grayish mud. I’m told the colors on the roof are incredible, so I absentmindedly step inside to see them and I nearly fall down because the mud is too soft. My hand goes down and gets full of goo. It’s like a shock to my system.

The shock-like effect is because I’m not quite “getting” it. I never do get a glimpse of the beauty that’s being talked about. All I can do is hear about it. I can’t go through the door yet; the floor hasn’t firmed up enough.

This image is similar to the idea of being clear enough in terms of my own issues that I can look at others and see them for who they are, without any personal projection. This image I showing me that I’m still not there yet. What’s beautiful and colorful is still a bit out of reach.

In the next image, I’m lying in a bed against a window. It’s 10am and daylight outside, beyond the curtain. I peek out and see a person standing there, six inches from the window. I see a man’s back.

I don’t make out his entire outline because I’m groggy, I haven’t gotten up yet (it’s like I don’t want to create the contrast).

Then, all of a sudden, I feel like someone’s stepping through the window, like a person’s leg is coming in. My thought is to grab the leg and hold it so that it can’t be pulled back out.

But then I feel frozen, unable to move. I can’t lay there and grab the leg at the same time.

This scenario is creating the relationship between what’s on the outside and what’s on the inside. So again it’s like a shock and surprise. I can’t quite accomplish what I want to accomplish or see what I’m trying to see.

I’m not able to actually be in a neutral enough space within. I’m projecting biases around me and I’m finding myself comfortable being that way. As a consequence, that interferes with my letting go and being in the overallness, and I’m seeing that something isn’t quite possible.

So I can’t actually see the light (colors) but I can hear about it. It’s not quite soaking in, it isn’t quite firmed up yet, it’s still in process; I can’t step through the door.

I also can’t quite integrate what’s in the outer (of the window of illusion) and me in the bed. I can’t quite deal with that because they’re still two separate things to me, and to the degree to which I toy with that I’m apt to shock myself.

Of course what kind of a waking life scenario is behind these images? Well you could say a big scenario is the idea of the future, and in order to have a better future, we have to figure out how to hold this inner space inside, no matter what’s occurring in the outer world.

If we aren’t able to be empty in ourselves, then how can we expect others to find the compassion, and the recognition, and the coming together, and the intertwining, and the wholeness for themselves?

That’s the huge picture and it has to do with the whole. But of course I’m being shown that I even have difficulty from a personal standpoint in that I’m not even handling the little stuff.

This whole spiritual process begins with having to deal with the dark side of ourselves. Even in that we can get caught in the reflections of going back and forth and back and forth. At some point we have to take a leap forward into something that’s an overallness, or a wholeness. As one attempts to do that, the realization comes that the light is not necessarily what we perceived it to be, and we have to make another shift to realize that all the light is inside us.

The light we connect to isn’t some light that we find as a support in a collective way, as if there is greater clarity outside ourselves. We’re all created out of everything and we have everything in us. But, are we finding it? Are we working from the principle of the whole, rather than from the principle of figuring out how to pull all the component parts together? Are we acknowledging the fact that everything is already intertwined?

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John: In my dream, I’m confronted with two different energetics. I’m of the opinion that I can’t let the two energetics come too close to one another, so I put one in a separate container, away from the vibration of the other. This way I can handle each one distinctly; I don’t know how to carry both of them as part of an overall whole.

At first I do try to figure out how to put them in the same container, but I realize that I’m just creating confusion for myself. Somehow being together lowers the clarity for both of them, to the point where I’m not sure if I can handle either one.

I see that each of the energies is having some sort of effect on me. That effect, of course, means that I still have some sort of personal involvement, or mannerism, with each one, and perhaps more with one than the other. I have to keep them separate.

Then I realize that to truly disassociate myself, I need to farm it out, which means I delegate the responsibility of one energetic to another person. I’ll handle one and someone else can handle the other. This way I don’t have to go back and forth energetically with these two distinct issues.

If I still have the idea that I have to be a certain way with the container over here, and I have to be a different way with that container over there, then all I’m doing is confusing myself. Yet as I do this, I suddenly realize that it’s not just two energetic issues, it’s three issues. So maybe I have to take one on and delegate two out.

Then I realize that, in a world of inner connectivity, they all come together. It’s just that I don’t really know that yet. The degree to which I’m feeling that I have to disassociate and cut myself up into components or parts, has to do with the fact that I’m not able to take in the entire big picture.

Even though I know that what’s going on is all correlated in terms of an overall energy, I’m not there yet and I’m feeling overwhelmed. The overwhelmed feeling has to do with the need to jockey back and forth in terms of the vibrational mannerism of one energetic versus the vibrational mannerism of the other.

In doing that, I’m effecting the heart, in terms of how the heart is able to hold in its container capacity. If my heart is able to take and recognize each energetic for how it is, yet still understand it as part of an overall, then I won’t be afflicted the way that I am.

But I don’t have such a heart, so I’m caught up in how to not be overwhelmed or confused because there’s this tendency to cut myself to ribbons.

What is the scenario that creates such a conundrum? Well, the scenario is multifaceted, with bigger levels and lesser levels.

On a bigger level I feel I’m somehow responsible, in an overall way, for trying to find a cadence in terms of the energy, which could cause everything to let go of its separateness and come together as a wholeness.

But that seems too big a gulp to take on, so that leaves breaking it down to something smaller.

In the dream, you could say one container was my sore shoulder, another was something that’s been bugging me a little bit that has to be dealt with differently; it requires a different focus and attention. Then that opened up to where there was a third thing.

Perhaps energetics are like thoughts, and they each vie for a part of the heart. The degree to which we allow ourselves to be pulled in all these directions, is the degree to which we’re eventually whittled down to a nub.

Something in outer life triggered this imagery, and it’s that I’m being torn between a number of work projects that are in critical stages. And I’m having to rely on other people, some of whom have personal agendas and aren’t proving completely reliable. So it feels like I have a number of very separate issues going on that I have to keep track of, and each one has its own personal intrigues because of the people involved.

So it would be very easy for me to become just as scattered as these issues, and be a different way, in me, for each of them, and to get sucked in to the politics of every situation, which would just drain everything from me.

Of course what I seek is to see the Oneness of everything, and to hold the same inner location no matter what I’m involved with, or interacting with. I aim at being able to carry and hold an energy so that whatever circumstance I’m in in the outer, that energy is able to remain in its nothingness, its inner essence, and in its emptiness.

But if I can’t carry this inner state in the small ways, then I can’t do it in the big ways. If I get thrown around like I was describing, how can I hope to carry an energetic in a wholeness such that it permeates out, and infuses itself, into a bigger picture answer?

If I can’t find it for myself, then it can’t be connected to in what’s going on in the larger context. Therein lies the real problem, and I don’t necessarily have good answers for it. The purpose of the dream is to see if I’m able to multitask various vibratory reflections, while holding an inner connection through it all.

If I’m unable to do it, then there’ll be cross contamination. If I’m able to do it, I’ll find the thread of interconnectivity and be able to flow, holding onto the inner note that’s at the essence of it all (even though I don’t realize this yet).

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Jeane: In my dream it feels like I’ve had someone imprisoned in a hospital for something they did. I’m pretty sure it’s a woman, but sometimes I seem to think about them as a man, so I’m not positive on that part.

Some time has passed, and now another man and I are going to the hospital; we’re going to smuggle this person out and break them free. This will probably be as much a surprise to the person in the hospital as it would be if the hospital staff discovered that we’re the ones doing it.

So we have to distract the staff and smuggle the person out. I get them in my car and then I have to decide whether to have them hide, or maybe cut their hair short, so if it’s a woman she can now be disguised as a man until we can get past any roadblocks.

I’m trying to go through different scenarios of how best to keep hidden. Then we drive off.

I have the impression that one of the reasons I can break this person free now is that my children have all grown up. So it feels safe to let this person out or to break them out. There’s also some kind of intense dialogue I seem to have with them now.

John: The theme of the dreaming last night has to do with having to hold onto some sort of overall inner balance, in relationship to being confronted with things that are overwhelming, in terms of the use of energy, in the outer.

What you did was start with a general, overall vibration in terms of how you felt things. Then you took and added to that. There’s a certain overallness to an energy from within, which you hold inside. You’re in a physical body and you’re able to direct that energy in particular ways, and when you do direct it in some specific way you can, when coming from the center, have a lot of energy . And you can do it in a free way – providing you hold onto the understanding that it comes from.

The energy you’re working with is an energy that’s at the essence of your being, or is from the inner, so when you’re having this dream, in terms of you taking and now applying this energy in some specific outer way, what you’re doing is weighing the degree to which this foray takes something away from how you feel yourself connected in an overall context.

And you find you’re able to do that because something about you has grown up (the children), or has gotten to the point where you can sustain the energy that you feel within, without losing it. Ordinarily when you take energy and cycle it and funnel it into some outer capacity, it faces a lot of resistance from you, in the form of personal or psychological indulgences. So the degree to which you personally indulge, is the degree to which you do harm to yourself in terms of maintaining this inner space.

You have this dream in which you’re trying to see if you truly are free, if you truly have let go. In other words, can you deal with a huge challenge, from an outer context point-of-view, that you’ve decided to take on, to see if you can effect a change in it or break something free?

And, can you do this without contaminating yourself, or without contaminating the inner space? A part of you is saying yes you can, because something has grown up. However, you’re not sure, so what’s facing you is presented as a dream, with the potential to be caught, or not break free.

So what you’re doing when you have a dream like this is you’re weighing the forces inside you that are personal versus impersonal, or that are totally free or in a nothingness or an emptiness, versus still having some sort of involvement in an outer capacity, reflective way.

In doing this you’re recognizing the degree to which that kind of lack of independence, in terms of letting go, will actually distort or hurt you.

An example of what that’s like is when the American Idol judge Steven Tyler commented to one of the participants that her biggest challenge was in accepting herself. He felt that this comes with time and that eventually she would get to the point where she could just think, “I don’t give a shit.”

Using that language, and many other mannerisms, is Steven Tyler’s way of showing that he’s beyond what other people think; he’s not limited by what other people project on him, or how they try to define him. So he stays true to his core. He said to the participant that she may not have that quality and freedom now, but she’ll get that. Eventually it will come to her.

That’s kind of how this dream is. You have this huge energetic opening up – can you process it in a way that doesn’t compromise it, or inject some limiting personal, self-image problem, in relation to what you’re experiencing inside and what you’re dealing with on the outside?

The dream is a testing ground, presenting a situation to see if you can take and truly bring inner into outer. Because if you just take the bait of whatever life throws at you, feeling that you have to confront it and deal with it in some separate capacity, then you really haven’t found, using the words of Steven Tyler, the spiritual version of that “I-don’t-give-a-shit” mannerism inside you. That place that’s totally free, empty, and in a nothingness.

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