Month: August 2012

Something is Needed

~ d2k ~ Leave a comment

In spiritual development, the struggle often comes down to the question of whether we allow ourselves to be affected by people and things in the world around us, or let go to being guided from within. (At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)

Jeane: It’s hard to remember my dreams last night, but the last dream I was having it felt as though I must have been working as a counselor again, and there was a girl that had been assaulted and I wasn’t able to counsel her as part of my regular counseling.

But then someone comes and tells me that it’s almost like I’m going to have to do some volunteer work at a certain agency, and I realize that actually it’s through that volunteer work at that agency that I’ll be able to counsel her, or other people involved, whereas I wouldn’t have been able to do that if I were doing it directly through work.

I’m already kind of calculating how many hours I can get at that other agency because it almost feels like there there will be a certain freedom that you don’t have in your regular work. Then it feels like it’s the same theme, the same people, but I’m in more of a castle like it’s back in time and there’s a fight going on.

John: In the first one you have a type of enfoldment or orientation about yourself that evolved over time, in a way that probably reflects the inner linkage from which it unfolded. However, your attention upon the outer mannerism, you can’t get that to feel right to you when you pay attention to it and try to orient and shape and guide your life according to that.

At some point it probably made sense when you were just naturally evolving, but now you can’t just naturally evolve by looking at the circumstances around you. You can’t just naturally evolve in terms of them. You have to orient yourself to something else.

The counseling that you’re doing has to do with finding that inner essence flow that makes what you’re doing meaningful. The image that you painted as a blasé, has a certain dormancy in the past, because it’s, yes, something that you could say is what you’re doing in an outer context, but what is important is what is triculating inside you, in an inner way, so that those reflections of the outer have a meaningfulness.

Jeane: As I said, the same people, the same theme, the girl that needs to be protected is all going on, but the scene has changed to a castle scene and I seem to be fighting my way to where the girl is to see that she’ll be okay. I have a fencing sword, or two, as it happens, and then I get to this one room of the castle and I look down and I see that she’s standing there.

There may be some people coming at her. She’s got this kind of odd almost like cloth circle that is hooked to her and goes around her. It’s kind of beige and folds over on itself and it’s almost like a belt, but it’s floating out in the air about three feet from her or so, and somehow I see her with that and I see that she’s actually in a way going to be able to hold her own.

I throw her a fencing sword and she has this gleam in her eye. I know she knows how to use the sword. It’s almost like I know she will be okay, but she also seems to be like maybe she has to stay within that certain circle. I don’t quite understand what that cloth meant, but I knew that she would be okay because I could see the gleam in her eye when I threw her that sword.

John: What the cloth enables her to do is spiral, to spin. In other words, she can take that cloth and just flick it out and it’s almost like you quicken or spin out of a slower state into a faster state, and then you slice through it with the sword. You slice through whatever it is that’s the stale environment or something that’s situated around you.

Apparently, you’re starting to feel a bit cloistered or confined energetically, and you don’t feel that unless you’re missing something that’s meant to hold, or catch up with, your attention, from within. You’ll feel that, you will have sensations of that, you will create images of that if your orientation goes to the outer scenario, as if that’s how you do it.

It’s as if a part of you can almost think that if you make that sort of thing sensible, but this part of you that really makes you tick, doesn’t know how to relate like that, because it relates to something in a bigger general flow, and thus you have sensation-type images and dreams in which something hasn’t quite come together.

You felt real discombobulated by all that. It’s like getting disjointed. Now, you have been having feelings of dis-jointure for some time and haven’t been able to figure it out, and a lot of it’s been correlated over the fact that something is in a state of overwhelm, and that state of overwhelm has to do with something not being nurtured or rolled inside of yourself to the point where you think you need something.

If you need something, I mean, everything you’re doing in relationship to your dad and me and whatnot, doesn’t quite twine, in that there’s the sense of uneasiness because there’s something that doesn’t stroke the heart now. And it’s not like you can take and devise something to do, nor is it possible for you to quite appreciate or enjoy what you had been able to appreciate and enjoy before.

Something subtle is missing, and so now you are having dreams on that. When you have dreams like that it means that you’re missing something on the soul element, and the soul element has to do with where things quicken. Your dad is, too. That’s the thing, and when he suffers, you suffer. When he grieves, you grieve.

There’s a certain quality that can be in his voice where he can look forward to something and have a bounce or a joy, and one needs to find it. The ballgames for example aren’t working for him. They may have never worked for him, but he may have talked himself into it, and then maybe there are moments and whatnot, but left to one’s own devices, it is almost like something can surge and replug you in, or something. But in his particular case, he’s waiting, he’s strewn out, and he’s waiting for something to click. I don’t know how it ever clicks – if you do not have that inner linkage.

To download this file, Right Click (for PCs) or Control Click (for Macs) and Save: Something is Needed

Looking for the Entrance

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Here we explore the nature of what it means to allow what wants to awaken in us, which requires quieting the noise and distractions of the outer world, in us. (At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)

Jeane: When I went to bed last night I’d brought my iPad in and my plan was to put on the ear buds and listen to some guided visualizations, but I turned out the light earlier than that because I realized I was too tired and I’d just go to sleep.

So it felt like the first part of the evening my dreaming felt like there was some kind of energetic push/pull going on with the iPad, there was some kind of energetic connection from there to me, and I was just kind of reading the energy. That is the best way I can describe the early dreaming.

It was just watching this energy flow that was pulling me to something that was on the table next to the bed, and I’m assuming it was the iPad.

John: You must be building into something new, because that’s a flashback to an old habituation or pattern that causes one to get caught up in the indulgence, instead of an inner flow, which is uncharacteristic of where your normal dream process takes you.

That’s why I’m suspecting that it’s a precursor to another shift or something, because that’s a backward image. This is what happens to most people, most of the time, who are not connecting to an inner flow.

They find themselves driven by their preoccupations, which act as if they have a will of their own, that drive them to have to support, or to sort, something out. And so this malingering kind of preoccupation, and in some instance a type of checklist of doingness, seems to control the perception, and thus keeps them veiled from accessing something deeper.

Jeane: In the other dream I had it’s like I’ve gone maybe with some cousins to visit my mother’s mother at her home, so it’s my grandmother’s home, and apparently my grandmother had been gone for a period of time and she’s returned, so we’ve all gone over to visit her.

And there’s kind of a certain free flow with visiting her. There’s even a dog around, but at one point she leaves the room, and I look at my cousins and I tell them that my grandmother’s going to take off again.

She’s actually out of the room checking into a cruise or a tour, or she’s going to do something, and I realize they’re a little shocked by this, but to me it’s just that for some reason my grandmother doesn’t like to stay at home. She wants to go travel. She doesn’t want to just do it the traditional way where she’s there and you go visit her.

John: This is an image of something opening up, in other words, a greater dimension reaching out, in that everything is there. Meaning you’ve got your cousins and you’re all going to visit this quality of something that’s your grandmother, and it’s not a stale environment. It’s an environment that’s shifting and moving about, and keeping things fresh and alive, which is not how it has seemed with regards to accessing the deeper parts of yourself in the past.

Usually when you access the deeper parts of yourself, you’ve had a kind of stigma in terms of those parts being somehow, in their ancientness, set or preordained in some fashion, as they open up and awaken. And in this image you’re finding that the grandmother part, or the ancient part inside of you, is on the move.

It’s going to be interesting to see how it is that your dreams integrate with mine. I haven’t figured that one out yet. We tend to dream in some sort of to-and-fro, that has a pattern to it, so I guess we’ll just have to see what evolves.

I guess the theme of the dreaming must have something to do with an aspect of our self shifting or waking up, because the first sentence that I wrote is: I’ve experienced subtle awareness that is on the verge of slowly waking up. I can see this in a dream in which a part of myself that is still conscious is yet getting in the way, so that at the very last second it keeps me from reflecting upon a consciousness that is quite tangible. I mean, it’s that close.

In other words, it lies just beneath the surface of an awareness that seems even like it’s in the outer too, or in the environment of the outer. I am shown that what is happening right at this point in time is that when the energetic of what is going on is on the verge of a breakthrough of awareness, it seems like something unfortunate comes over me.

So when I settle back I see myself by doing this, allowing something within to get my attention and in doing so it makes a breakthrough. What happens is I reach an unshakable awareness that is so strong that it seems as if it was always within my grasp consciously.

In other words, prior to that of course it was just out of reach, and now all of a sudden it’s like always been like this. When I am like this, it is easy to assume that I have an unbreakable connection, and always had such a connection, even though others around me find this, and in my perception when I look around me as well, it is illusive to others.

Fortunately, I do not go off the deep end that is also there, because to do so would destroy or destabilize a good thing. I am able to tell I still carry within the shadow dynamic of being of an awareness, that has an imbalance in it, because I can sense the flip out.

I am so thankful that I am able to hearken to the deeper roots within. In other words, I seem to somehow be lucky enough to do that, because this other is not that far away and could easily just happen as well.

And even though there are times when it is easy to lose the fluid and flexible and easygoing way, and to do so would be like getting in the head, in some capacity, and tearing something tenuous and precious asunder.

You might say this is a dream that starts off with a sense of, like yours, of something slowly waking up, only in your particular position you actually are in it, as it’s waking up with the grandmother no longer where she should be in a quiet easy way. I mean, she is on the move and as part of that waking up, you find yourself in this new way of waking up, you find yourself kind of going back to a beginning kind of quality, where you’re taking into your frame of reference a kind of indulgence, an indulgence that has a mundane aspect to it, like a starting over aspect, in this new way.

Because what you described at the beginning is very typical of how most people tend to perceive life, only it’s in a shallower motif.

The purpose of the dream or the theme from last night, is to instill an appreciation that is not going to go away when times are difficult. In other words, it is to make it so that you do not flip out or go backwards, or crack up, or turn your back upon something vitally important. In other words because this helps you gain a better sense of what’s vitally important, and what’s subtler in terms of what is going on.

Because to lose that would be like becoming a disingenuous person, who can’t help themselves. And to flip out would create the appearance of you being a kind of monster, in other words, really bizarre, especially in the face of another kind of knowingness that something is important.

The inner dreams and awareness flicker within, in order to keep me from becoming a beast that I cannot like, because if I become such a beast I lose all sense of common decency. Fortunately I have a living example that has just occurred in the environment in my life, which, in its way, reflects the graciousness as a thankfulness. It was being with Mike these last few days at the trade show seeing how he is able to be thankful and able to take in a wonderful flow around him and never let any of this go to his head.

My tendency is when I take and I have a whole sense of where I really get something black-and-white, so succinctly, that it can lead to a type of arrogance, and Mike doesn’t have any of that. In fact, he even slights himself a bit in his graciousness when he needs to actually, and has a sense of how better to probe out to learn things, but because he has got such a huge entourage around he’s trying to make sure everybody’s content and yet he’s the one that has got to know how to steer the ship and make the big decisions. And they’re looking at component parts and he needs to look at the big picture.

And so in his graciousness you almost wonder is he going to be allowing himself enough time for that to happen and it seems to work out for him.

The deeper awareness of this dreaming is that it is possible to see the importance of something very subtle coming into being when I am able to be in a world where I’ve surrounded myself or opened myself up to being able to set aside my denser preoccupations, so that this side of itself can come across in a more gracious or respectful or nurturing manner.

Then I have an image that tries to create a corresponding symbolism with that deeper awareness statement that I just cited above. In the image I am before a structure that goes straight up high into the air. What it looks like is it’s a little bit like a base and it looks like there are a few steps at the bottom that you can see from a short distance, and then it stops, like it goes straight up again and then maybe there’s a little cut.

But it is gaining height going more and more straight up all the time, so in order to handle something like this that goes up in the air, if you just looked at it it would seem impossible to scale.

At the beginning however there are steps that are barely perceptible from a distance that one can climb. Only after you climb these steps do you notice that there are still other steps that may take you in a way that’s even steeper, that you wouldn’t see from the ground, that you only reach when you get past say an initial level.

And so it goes. It seems to be like this, on and on, as you keep going steadily and steeper up something that is hard to believe can be scaled. If you were to stop you would be hit with the idea of wondering that it won’t take much to slip and fall or something, and then all would be for naught.

With that doubt in mind, a shift in the image occurs and this is what now unfolds. I find myself standing in the only car parking spot in the area in which the surface is covered and designed by sawdust.

In other words, there might be all gravel parking spots but this one is a square in which the sawdust has been laid out in it, and around the corner to my surprise comes a woman who sees me. It seems like a fluke because a moment before she was blocked off from seeing me by an object in the way.

The significance is the sense I get is that it works like this over and over again. In other words, it’s like the scaling of this thing that goes straight up in the air. Just when it seems impossible something is there at your disposal, or awakens synchronistically, or however, so that you are able to keep going on and on and on and on.

Or, in other words, just when I am on the verge of blowing it, or think I am out there floundering, I am able to suddenly find, within myself, the right spot at just the right time in which something is able to be there as needed.

In this last dream, this last dream really puts it to the test to understand what this means. In the dream I am told that a woman bought The Flamingo [hotel]. Isn’t that interesting? A woman bought The Flamingo.

This makes me more interested in figuring out the change that is occurring. To begin with, I do not seem to know where I am at. It is like being in a trance. As I start to come out of this, I notice that I am walking off the sidewalk on a lawn, going towards a building entrance.

It is dark out, so I do not notice the wet spots that I suddenly walk in and get my feet wet. I do notice however that the lawn must have been recently flashed, you know how they tear everything up around here to make it grow better, because it is very thin and mostly dirt.

The meaning of the dream is I am still assimilating that which is different about the environment I am in. I haven’t yet awoken to how it is that I am meant to be. I’m looking for the entrance that will take me inside. I have wandered off the beaten track looking for the entrance.

I know that things have been stirred up, and that this is supposed to make things better in the long run. I am not yet seeing what lies before me, but have a good sense of where I am heading.

To download this file, Right Click (for PCs) or Control Click (for Macs) and Save: Looking for the Entrance

The Sensation Function

~ d2k ~ Leave a comment

Today’s dreams explore the realms of feeling, from outer to inner, and inner into outer, and explore what’s involved with balancing ourselves in relation to what we are processing. (At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)

Jeane: I had a strange dream last night. In this dream I’m in a building. I’m in a room with a group of women and there’s a group of men nearby. And it feels like people are going to teach us how to make love for the first time.

On the other hand, they’ve matched me up with this Japanese woman and that doesn’t make sense to me, so I have my eye on this guy in the other room. Through signaling him or something I know that when the time comes, I will hook up with him instead, because that makes a lot more sense.

But then it feels like we go from the room before we’re all going to our hotel rooms or wherever we go, and we go to a banquet. The first thing I notice is that they’ve overcooked the chicken, like you cannot eat the tip of the chicken wing because it’s just all overcooked crust, and maybe if you go down to the next layer you can get a little bit of meat. That’s all I seem to notice there.

John: As a consequence of you showing a preferential to the masculine side, what seems to unfold is now when you go to the meal the chicken is hard to eat?

Okay, so this indicates there is the wrong order of things here going on in the outer. I mean, it’s the feminine that knows how to make all of that, pull all of that together, not the masculine. In other words, this is the byproduct of you hooking up in an imbalanced way.

So what happens?

Jeane: Then we go to a room that has hotels in one area and a big swimming pool right in front and then an area in the middle that I’m not sure what those rooms are.

Well, it feels like at first we go through a party and I overhear a man saying that the man that I’m with is not really who he says he is, but he’s actually someone who’s pretty wealthy, a prep-school type that is kind of disguising himself and pretending to be let’s say more of an average person. I overhear that and note that.

I’m also looking around and it feels like I’d like to find a space to go be alone with him, but all these prearranged hotel rooms seem kind of bizarre, plus there’s a party going on. So we go out to the swimming pool, which it’s almost like a very black water, but when we get in there I see some people standing in the alcoves kind of spying on one, so that feels uncomfortable.

Then I look at these series of rooms in the middle of the building that I didn’t know what they were before, so I suggest we go there. It feels like we’re separated for a minute and I talk to a man who seems a little bit like a mentor or something, and I explain to him that I found out that this guy actually is someone from probably a pretty wealthy or sophisticated family who’s there, not even giving his own name, but that doesn’t seem to bother me, because I look around and I said, “You know, if you look around the city right now, most of the people have been leaving the city for the suburbs, and here someone at least has left the suburbs to come back to the city,” so that’s why it doesn’t bother me in a way.

Then I hook up with the guy again and we go in to try to find a room. Well, once we go in it’s almost like this is a series of circular rooms that are not private like I thought they were. There are people of all ages going around in there and I think they’re walking counterclockwise, and we’re going in and looking around clockwise, because it’s kind of a circular space and one room seems more like an arboretum, and we’re looking for a bed or a place we could be private. But then you have these people touring the area and also there’s an arboretum. There’s an area that I find where staff sleep, and if there were stairs upstairs to actually private rooms that’s blocked off.

There are glass windows that go out to an area that looks really dark. We kind of complete the circle and we come back and we’re looking at the swimming pool of having to get in a swimming pool again as an option, and I think that’s when I wake up.

John: The hint as to what this means was right at the very beginning, in that there’s something in terms of what is accessible that isn’t coming through, or isn’t opening up. It’s there but it hasn’t opened up.

It’s amazing how this kind of coincides with what we’re talking about. And so you’re drawn to this particular scenario, but by being drawn to it what you see in the scenario is all cluttered or fumbled. You can’t find a room, or the chicken initially is the byproduct, is cooked wrong.

It’s kind of a dream that is scoping in almost a type of sensation-way, to catch up with something that… In other words, I was evaluating this in my dream. How is it that you come to know something that you need to come to know? And when it is inside and it’s locked and it’s hidden, the thing that is most out of balance in your nature is your sensation function.

And it’s almost like it throws new light on the meaning of what is the sensation function, and I’ve always noticed that the sensation function in my nature is the most imbalanced part of myself, but now that throws the question, is it really? Because a teacher did indicate to me, he wasn’t so sure that that’s really the most imbalanced. And even felt that the dream world would indicate otherwise, but on the outer it comes across as the klutzy or the most imbalanced.

And your dream seems to have this sensation dilemma going on of trying to get something into a cadence, and you’re doing this and you’re doing that and you’re doing this and you’re doing that and somehow you’re scoping all around to catch up with the energetic in which it all tends to then flow with a uniformity and a synchronicity.

But as long as it’s not, then you are not finding this or the chicken is… It’s like you went into this long sequence of a dream which I even tended to mostly forget because you indicated and told the schematic of the energy by the fact of this chicken being off. The rest of the dream had you feeling the whole sensation quandary, right?

In other words, you got it in a blunt, direct, to the point way, and then you had the whole meander for the rest of it.

That was the strange theme I guess of last night, and on a sensation level I got thrown off straightaway because of this call that came in when I should be sitting down meditating so I didn’t get started until an hour later, and I felt what a catastrophe, but I also felt that there was a part of me that had been affected in some way that I couldn’t explain where I would be able to just immediately let go.

Often times I sit down and it’s the time to be sitting down and all of that, but I also know that I don’t quite feel like I can just let go. This time I felt like I could just let go even though it didn’t make sense that I could just let go.

And so the first thing that happened within about five minutes was I noticed this incredible feeling. It was like something had fingers and the fingers had a certain softness to it so that they wouldn’t scratch, and the fingers could reach and take something right off the cheek and it was such a sensation to just pluck something up like that.

And what was the relief, what was so amazing, was the relief had this whole energetic of something being lifted, something being… well, it was a relief, but the image of this happening was one thing, but the sensation of the energetic relief was another.

It was just like a bizarre snippet sort of thing and so after five minutes of sitting down I’m going to start writing something like this up. I mean, this isn’t how my meditation works. I come across something after an hour or two or three or something, so I ignored it. And then I came out of my meditation thing, hours later, and I remembered something that was all had to do with a type of soothing that was going on on a sensation level.

In other words, there was something a little imbalanced, a little off, and then something that was like a type of rejoicing inside that made the sensation feel wonderful, but as I’m about to write this up which I know is going to be a long dream, I reflect upon this snippet that I hadn’t forgotten.

As soon as I reflect upon it the dream goes completely away and I remember the snippet. I write the snippet up and I go, wow. So then after writing the snippet up I then come back to what occurred in the main dream as kind of a whiff or sense and all I can say is that there was this whole soothing or letting go as if something had lifted, and I could tell this on a sensation level.

So it had me pondering the significance of the sensation level, that when I’m most bewildered, confused, and wandering around and dense. That’s when something that could be flowing isn’t flowing, and when I’m in this whole sensation exhilaration or something, that’s when something is flowing, and so then it got me to pondering.

That which can be sensationally flowing inside of myself, can be something happening on an inner level. I could still have chaos or mayhem happening in the outer, but I don’t identify with it. So far what happens is because I identify with the outer, and recognize this on the inner, my sensation function sits in kind of some sort of wibble-wobble, where it doesn’t quite gel unless there’s a cadence in the outer, as well as in the inner.

Because I can have this quality that’s amazing on a sensation open up on the inner, and then all it takes is some catastrophe or peculiarity that completely surprises or shocks me that occurs in the outer, and it can knock me off. Or if I don’t know that that’s going on, I can still stay on this inner and that other won’t matter. Well, this is bizarre to me. This is my sensation imbalance.

Anyway, this is the nature of how the dreams were last night is they tended to zoom around the theme of how it is that you measure, or detect, or gain a schematic of reference, and it has to do with the sensation function.

Now, if you’re going around, and another way of saying the sensation function is to say okay, you have an auric sense of well being, and if this auric sense of well being that you carry comes into a schematic, and you start feeling self-conscious, or peculiar, or acting up, because that auric sense that you carry does not comport with the density or the limitations or the streamlining of, lets say, the schematic that you’re in.

That schematic can start triggering an imbalance in the way you carry yourself, or a self-consciousness, or something, you can really get beat up, you can really get strange, you can really get weird, you can really get peculiar. And what happens is, on a sensation level of the inner effect of your being, in relationship to the outer schematic that’s going on, and you’re out of touch with that outer schematic, what readily shows the break in the intertwined linkage, is your sensation function.

I had never stopped and looked at why the sensation function is such an important quality, of four qualities, thinking, feeling, intuition, and sensation; I hadn’t stopped and realized how the sensation function is such an interesting tuning fork.

Isn’t that interesting? It was a type of schooling, so to speak, that occurred last night that was triggered by things. As far as the dream element, I mean you may have had a dream, but you were being pressured to catch the memo. That’s what was going on. We call that dreaming.

To download this file, Right Click (for PCs) or Control Click (for Macs) and Save: The Sensation Function