Jeane: In my next dream I work at a hospital, in the administrative or lab offices. It’s in a two-story building.
When I go from the main floor up to the next floor, I find out that two people have died and they’re considered to have been suicides.
Well, I go up and look into it further, and I’m able to point out that at least one of them was murdered. It wasn’t a suicide, so that needs to be looked into. Then I go back down to my floor.
The next time I go upstairs I find out that two more people have died, and again they’re considered to both be suicides. I know one of the people, a man, and I just can’t believe that he would do that, but I hadn’t really talked to him lately.
I find someone to talk to, a girl who works in that area, and I’m able to ask her questions. But then another girl comes down and it seems like she really wants to shut down the conversation. She insists that this person was a loner and that they committed suicide.
I feel like I don’t know what to do with all of that, but I do know that this man was married and had five daughters, which the others don’t seem to know. I just find it hard to believe, but I don’t know what to do about it.
John: Are you feeling sad?
Jeane: I don’t know.
John: I thought you were kind of happy and cheerful about things.
The difference between suicide and murder is that a suicide is something a person does to themselves, and a murder is something that occurs to a person where something just gets wiped out.
In the collective, the tendency is to want to view a suicide as due to some imbalance – it’s sad but explainable. And a murder is seen as some miscarriage of life.
However, it’s different in the inner worlds. In the inner, when you make a shift, something actually dies. But it’s not necessarily a suicide, it’s a murder.
On the inner, a suicide is where you purposely stab some part of yourself. It signifies some area with which you can’t yet cope, so it postpones the issue for later.
A murder is where something just goes poof – it’s let go. It’s released. It’s not like it still has some sort of malingering trait or mannerism that may not have been lived out. The death is symbolic of a merger, in relationship to something reaching a complete transformation.
The way this dream may coincide with the first dream (see Broken in Two), is that if you’re going along with something but aren’t quite letting yourself experience it, like the masculine aspect that you reject as being not-too-with-it, then you cut that part out, for whatever reason. That’s committing a kind of suicide.
But if you take and include that, and its imprint and effect upon how everything works in terms of the whole, when you put the two together you go into a space where everything goes away, and that’s like a murder.
So your dream is kind of playing upon some tone or mood or mannerism. It doesn’t have to be a sadness. It can just be a type of lilt in the light where you can see something that feels okay and you go along with that and, therefore, ignore something else that you recognize would create a heaviness or a peculiarity.
Yet whatever that heaviness and peculiarity is, you really have to come to grips with it. You have to know it for what it is, and then let go of it completely, not as a suicide but as a murder, where you no longer create those reflections and those images.
To dream this dream means that some part of you took a step back, and wondered, and asked an odd question inside. So then you get a peculiar answer and, in getting the peculiar answer, the thing takes you to what the whole idea is all about – it’s murder, not suicide. It just is what it is and that’s a nothingness.
This thing takes you around to seeing the nothingness and the emptiness, and that seems to be something that you needed to do last night, and you did it in a very odd way, but you came to it. That’s amazing.
In so doing, you show where you have a tendency to subrogate; subrogate to mean where you shift with your energies in terms of what you take on, and what you choose to leave off and not contend with.
In your dream you’re indicating that you have a tendency to make your life more balanced, and part of you is able to make the argument that subrogation makes sense. Then, before the dream is over, you’re shown that, no, you’re into this to be gone, to disappear, to not suspend or delay things, to not keep things dragging along like a suicide tends to do in which there’s still the mystery. With murder it’s just over.
It’s an interesting, very peculiar way of getting to the point.