Coming From Within

As we continue this conversation between Ann and John, they explore the territory of connecting to the energetic behind everything we see and experience as a way to get closer to the truth.

Ultimately, it’s about making a shift from letting the outer world enter us and affect our lives (a planetary life), to allowing the inner energetics to come through us to affect our environment and the people we interact with (a spiritual life).


For the first in this series, see Tearing the Threads. (At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)

John: Now, what also happened last night was I was forced to confront this quality where I hide. I actually hide more than I realize.

Like for example at Christmas, I never used to celebrate Christmas. I would cringe inside and shrink inside because I wouldn’t give gifts and people might send me stuff, and I wish they wouldn’t of course, because I don’t send anything back in return. I never celebrate my birthdays, none of that sort of stuff.

Well, in this particular dream I started off obligingly maybe giving a few things but I didn’t have my heart in it, and then all of a sudden with the feminine influence or something going on, I’m now giving some things that are a little bit over-the-top, and I even arrange them on kind of a sleigh, or pallet, or something, and I separate them a little bit so that they fit in each in their own way and they’re tailor-made for each particular person.

Then I get hit with this third part [of the dream image] that is probably the reason why I never would do this before. You have to take responsibility for how to take it back when the energetic is over-the-top.

I did not know. I tend to give things but not… I tend to do this stuff in a way that it’s got a plausible deniability to it. It’s like if Jeane needs a new computer I will get her an extra nice one or if I see something in someone’s nature in which they are stuck, there might be some little thing that I could do that can affect it that I can give them in some fashion, but I do it in such a way so that it is like I didn’t do anything.

And it has never cycled around something where there’s a stigma of a birthday or a special day like Halloween or I don’t know what the special days are, Valentine’s Day I guess, and Christmas. I can get away with it under that context and I can generally shape it so that it’s okay but if you’re doing it in relationship to something that’s acknowledged as something celebratory, or something then if you overdo it or if you create some sort of unintended impression, you have to know how to invisibly take that away.

And so I guess I kind of know how to do that if I avoid the areas in which there’s a lot of attention placed, but I do not know how to… I have never… I have steered clear of doing anything where everybody’s attention is at.

Ann: Wow, that is very fascinating isn’t it?

John: The theme of what we are talking about is it’s all about this different way of playing with the energetic.

It’s about seeing things differently with the energetic based upon being shifted, either in terms of realizing more specifically that that’s all that’s going on, or being in areas where certain energetics are better facilitated than in other areas – so it’s easier to see that energetic part of yourself and therefore be able to reason and understand something slightly differently because of that and, just like we used to talk before, it’s another example of how everything correlates to the inner coming into the outer.

The outer can reflect that, but you’ve got to be awful careful because the tendency is when you see how the outer is reflecting that, the outer… you can tend to think okay, it has something to do with rearranging the outer and it doesn’t. The outer is rearranged by the inner, coming through, and within that is information imbedded within that vibration, within the lights of that vibration, and that’s what does the rearranging, that’s what does the shaping. It’s not the thoughts and the senses that we have that we think that we are corresponding to that are directly, as we would like to think, correlated to that outer appearance of something.

That in and of itself is dead, like in the dream I had last night I couldn’t tell in terms of looking at outer image and outer consequence or something I couldn’t tell how old it was. It’s like I’d go through… I’d be given a ride to go to my mother’s house only to find out that the weeds have grown up all around the For Sale sign, and you could barely see the For Sale sign, and then the person lets me off and I realize I needed to pay them $10 for the ride.

Well, I think I know where they live and so I go to where they live and their house is all boarded up. It’s like something is haywire in terms of the time, a time that’s correlated to outer appearances, instead of the energetic in which there is no time.
And the energetic just sits there in some other kind of greater speeded-up space. The energetic light does have some substance to it, just like where you have… but it’s lifespan or however you would say that, has such longevity that it’s another level of growth that’s way beyond what we will ever contend with.

We are just looking at the phase of catching up with the longevity of the light, just like there’s light that’s coming in when you stare up into the sky that is coming from stars that died out maybe millions of years ago but that’s so far back in the cosmos that that light is still streaming forward at the speed of light and hasn’t died out yet even though the source from which it is coming from may be nonexistent.

And so we don’t get into anything like that or, if we do, that’s yet to come. We get to the point where we recognize everything is… that we are a light and that everything around us is something that has been slowed down and compacted through the aspect of sound principle and that we are inclined to relate because we are in manifestation, with our dumbed down senses, we are inclined to relate to that outer, and yet when we do we go around and around in circles and we continue to see the smallness of things instead of the wholeness of things. And to get out of that we have to catch up with the energetic, of which that’s so obvious that we don’t see it.

It is so simple that it’s like you do not quite get it. I mean, I think it’s embarrassing in a way to have a dream like this in which I was so… or to have this… I mean, since I have been down here night after night after night has been about the energetic, but it was not until last night that I actually started to realize that.

I mean understanding something in terms of this bizarre event that occurred where someone got hurt… Learning to suddenly then see it not from the context in which it’s presented in the mundane black-and-white, but from what is going on in terms of what’s making that person tick that caused them to be the way they ended up being, which is an energetic way of seeing things. That didn’t dawn on me until I had a dream that showed it to me.

And that dream was just a precursor to finally getting really shaken in terms of making the shift that it all has to be seen as an energetic, and it’s been embarrassing at the efforts to try to get me to see that, like the woman in the dream group who came up and said that I was a mystic based upon the fact that I’m seeing everything as an energetic.

And I take and turn around and I had actually been prepared because I expected someone else to bring this up a little bit, and I hate labeling, and I was going to lower the boom on them, but it was the person who brought it up was not the one that I expected to, but she got both barrels of the shotgun at the same time.

Now, the one that would have, that I expected to bring it up could have handled it, because this person is making major strides or whatever is poking and opening the reflection inside themselves. They would have gotten it. But this one will get it too and I can see that they’re getting it and now I can feel it in the ethers…

But it was a state of confusion for at least a week. The teacher does this to the student too. Like when I we were at the program in California, the teacher comes up and as Jeane’s explaining to the teacher that we’ve moved to Vegas, I hope you’re don’t do too much gambling there, or some comment or… that wasn’t it. The comment was hopefully you won’t lose too much, are you making any money there, are you making any money there? Something like that. Money of course is a way of identifying this energy.

And she says this just as I am walking out of the bathroom door and so I catch the last gist of that, and I flinch because I fall hook, line, and sinker into something in which I don’t speed up into the fact of the energetic gist of what that was about. I’m still sitting with the identifications that can be bizarrely correlated to something outwardly and I grumble a bit about that.

Oh, well this is a common way and people just off the truck, you know, stigmatizing what Vegas is about, instead of realizing that everything he said if you look at it symbolically was saying something entirely different and it was done on an energetic level. And I was correlating and relating from a physical level yet.

It’s one thing… I can’t help but think how did the beef that’s laid on Solomon in that Solomon in his day was considered to be a very, very wise man, but the beef on Solomon is that he may have been able to perceive this, that, and the other, but he couldn’t live it.

He could communicate it and he seemed to communicate it but the essence of that actually being taken in seemed to have been… was a big problem for him. A lot of people who study that denote that…

You know, the songs and stuff is just full of wisdom, but somehow or another the perception that is kicked out is that somehow or another even though what he says is incredible, it kind of escaped him in a way.

Ann: Wow, that is really fascinating isn’t it?

John: Yeah, that’s the key statement, like in Proverbs: “Vanity, vanity, everything is vanity,” even though you can have this insight. And thus the statement that I made in the dream group that the mystic is kind of a bad word. It doesn’t necessarily mean you live it. It takes the alchemical aspect of your nature to bring it through.

And the same thing is true on this energetic level of them having a lot of these raw energy dreams and the raw energy dream is a dream that kind of in and of itself the aspect of the roughness of the dream energetic can discombobulate, and it discombobulates because you don’t get the download. You don’t bring it through. If you bring it through it’s okay.

If you do not bring it through it leaves something distraught, and in terms of that kind of dance there were things like where Jeane will be feeling really sad and if she feels really, really, really sad she can’t put her finger on it, but she blames me in some way. And she’s blaming me in some way because I’m not doing something that she feels that I should be doing, but she doesn’t know what it is that I should be doing. If she does, she can’t tell me.

And my responsibility is to bring through a certain energetic quality, a vibration. We often times call it concepts or the clarity, to bring that through, and then the feminine nature knows what to do with it in terms of integrating it and working with it in terms of a wholeness in life, in terms of the overall. And if for some reason there is a gap or a barrier, then you can develop this perspective that something is being denied.

I mean, this is the precursor of disputes that come up between masculine and feminine, when there’s something that appears to be getting withheld, and often times it’s because of some little trite thing where you got slighted and so now you hold back, and then it goes on and on and on because what’s being withheld is a two-way image.

There’s the masculine image and it’s needing to have something that makes the inner coming through, that needs to make it real by grounding it, which is the feminine principle and integration in life, and then there is the feminine principle that sits in the space of not being able to readily bring in the determinate factors, you know the things that influence and affect that will set something in motion in a general clarity way. That’s more difficult for the feminine to do.

And so if the masculine is not doing that, he’s not doing his job, he’s not doing his proper lifting. He’s not carrying his weight. He’s not doing the protection. It’s often seen as a protection kind of thing. All of this fits under this energetic thing. Isn’t that interesting?

Ann: It is fascinating. Unbelievable. It just really is.

John: Do you have any dreams? I bet you if you have dreams they will be portraying that too because it seems to be such a simple subject, such a simple thing, that it goes unnoticed for a long, long time as you look at your neuroses, as you look at your complexes, as you look at your shadow dynamics, all of it kind of correlated to something that’s causing things to happen around you in an outer context that shows that you have an imbalance in terms of not being whole in terms of yourself, and you tend to play on that level of sorting it out for a long, long time until eventually you just let go of that and shift into the energetics.

It is just a quality of… because we all carry the same thing inside of ourselves. It is just a question of what we have placed in there as veils or confusions in the way and so if you establish a dependency in some regard then that becomes a purposeful definition that you’ve placed upon yourself so that you can’t… Well, it limits your growing because everything gets filtered through that prism.

It is like the Catholic Church too. It has its ideals in which you have to go through the communion and you have to do this, that, and the other, as if there is something between you and God. And when you see it and believe it that way then it exists like that, and then the angelic kingdom and all of that is something else, as opposed to it being some part of your inner makeup.

In the Chisti [sufi] tradition you have the quality of music accentuated and opposite music what’s accentuated with the Naqshbands [sufis] is the silence. And then somewhere in between all of that is a stillness. In between both of them is kind of the octave of a stillness, where you just go somewhere.

And then somehow out of all of that, something else occurs, where you have a connection or a linkage to something that can flow through you and for the sake of again keeping a kind of… I still have not fully sorted this part out, but in terms of trying to kind of keep a way of relatability to a human being who has to see themselves as a chip off of some bigger block of something, it’s always the idea that when you’re becoming conscious you’re becoming conscious in a way so that something can access through you, as if that is coming from somewhere else.

Well, there is no real somewhere else, but you will constantly have people that have to characterize it like that by saying things like they have gained access to the ascended masters and they’ve got this information from the ascended masters, or they got this big download like when you hear me say. In my sleep I got some sort of download last night when I’m sleeping, and that carries the impression that this all came from yonder and hilt – somewhere else.

But it really is emerging inside of one’s self. In other words, it’s like there’s an aliveness, and we’re entwined with this aliveness, and this aliveness awakens more and more all the time, and it is all around us, and we are in it in every way, shape, and form – but don’t know it.

So when it opens up inside of us, it’s like it swept in, but if that were so, then that would mean that they’re all kind of things that exist, but in the end there’s nothing but the nothingness. But all up to that point we keep making statements that have to do with pointing to other essences.

And the teachers will talk as if it comes like that. They all talk like that, but deep down only when they shift into a particular way that most people don’t remember because that is a type of opening up of something that is too much, and then you can kind of get a sense that that’s been taken away because then in the next inflections at another point in time it’s addressed in this little octave of these other planes or something.

It seems to be kind of like how you communicate. In other words, it’s like when the teacher talks about this and that and the other opening up, it’s for people who need to hear it that way that’s how they hear it, as if it is coming from somewhere else. And then for those who have had experiences within themselves of how something like that just kind of comes from within, they kind of know and understand it differently – but not really.

Kind of like the big lie, because you can’t prove it one way or another can you?

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