The Inward Spiral

In a spiritual development process, as energies are awakened from within, what is awakened in a person needs to be accepted and incorporated into the self, and a new, elevated state of balance attained. Jeane’s dreams delve into this inner struggle, where young (emerging) masculine energies arise and encounter some internal resistance. (At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)

Jeane: My first dream, the impression I have in it is, it feels like there’s all male energy into it, mostly adolescent male energy, and they all feel a little impoverished.

And it feels like the energy is always flowing downhill with them, kind of going through them, like I’m seeking something and going down through these boys, kind of down from like the hillside to an alley, that sort of thing.

I don’t remember very many specifics in that dream other than that was just how the energy flowed.

John: Yes, that would be a problem in terms of the feminine looking at things from a particular position that she would hold in terms of how she would see things in an overallness in life.

And so she would have this general sense, and whenever she looked at the ideas or something that would be coming through that would stir things up, she would look at that as a type of energy that is flowing down, that is coming down, which corresponds with how it actually is in terms of the breath: it comes down as an out-breath.

So she would be looking at that as a masculine energy that’s coming through the boys, and of course the boy in this case has an added meaning because she’s seeing these boys as though that is a developing quality of her inner self.

Where this is significant is a guy, a man, is seen as something that’s a fairly mature aspect of herself that comes with all kinds of qualities that are fairly set and established, black-and-white, in terms of maybe direct expression.

But boys are a part of one’s self in which energy comes through in kind of a casual, almost non-serious – kind of just through them kind of way, without any recourse or something at a depth that is apparent behind it; it just flows through.

So that tends to not necessarily set off reactions when it’s that innocent in the way that it comes across, and so you’re able to more readily accept and recognize this kind of flow that you’re able to appreciate and accept it rather than fight it and then see it as a type of an energy line.

I say line only because you know the direction it’s coming, you know, that it comes down and the common image that one creates of that as it comes from the crown, down into creation, and then of course the feminine’s energy goes from creation back to the crown because it’s complete in creation; it just needs to be awoken and then it flows back to the crown.

And then when you break things in the masculine and feminine then you see it coming through the boys, coming downward, and then ultimately whatever that effect is, to the degree that it’s a pure effect touching you – because there’s no spin put on it or anything that you react about – if it feels okay to you, then it awakens something as a correspondence that then goes from the depths of creation, it flows back as the in-breath.

So, yeah, that’s correctly seeing it and what’s interesting is you dream it like that, and I dream the opposite of that, because I struggle to try to get the awareness in the outer to go back to what I would consider the within.

And the within is like a place that is at the fount of it all, which I suppose in the analogy I used would be the crown or something. So as you take and struggle with it, not necessarily struggle, but recognize that the flow comes downward to the boys, I look at it as having to find, to create the loop. In order for the loop to be created, the full breath to be created, has something to do with the feminine.

In my dream I see myself seeking to denote everything that I see that affects me, which means in the outer, which is in a feminine creation, as having an inner into outer underlying flow. As I review what is going on around me, in other words I’m looking at the masculine element knowing that everything that affects me, that can grab me with its outer appearance, but I still recognize that behind that there is an inner into outer flow.

But that doesn’t keep me, when I’m in the outer where I’m caught up in the waking state of my senses, from feeling a pain as a result of my sensitivity, knowing that there is an interconnectivity and even sensing the interconnectivity, but not able to put that into flow because of the identification with the senses.

And so I suffer or struggle or however you would put it, and I feel the pain within and even though I try to reach towards an inner, I’m not yet able to make the sense in the general outer environment I live in daily, coincide.

In other words, my senses will still blink at things that are happening in the outer. Of course, this becomes evident when a woman says to me, “I can understand what I see you trying to do, but I cannot relate to what you say.”

Jeane: In my next dream I’ve gone with you and we’ve actually even I think did some cross country skiing over to a house where there’s a kind of a gathering going on with your ex-wife and her friends.

And I’m a little preoccupied in the back of my mind because I know the next morning I have to get up early to take you to the dentist, so at the party, as they’re doing various things, I kind of have in my mind what time we have to leave.

They’ve kind of dressed up a lot and I think I’ve dressed more simply, and I realize that I have this watch on with a red watchband and it’s kind of come loose and then you’re ex points out that that was actually a watch that I think she’d given me or loaned me to wear.

But the watchband is coming loose so they put this new watchband on it that’s really kind of odd. It has three different ways it plugs in and it looks odd.

Meanwhile, something else happened where it feels like I had some dentures or something in my mouth that were broken and I wanted to go into the bathroom and fix them so they fit right, and so everything looked right, so I’m kind of avoiding everybody so I can get some privacy to go do that.

And then when I come out, because I’d taken a while, you’d left to go get some sleep so that you would get some rest before you went to the dentist. Then the watchband she gave me has fallen off. I don’t know where the watch has gone. And now I’m preoccupied with getting back so I can get you to the dentist in time.

So I head back and then it feels like I get on one road and it feels like the wrong road, so I go up to the hillside, but the hillside doesn’t have the right kind of a path. There’s a guy that comes up on a motorcycle behind me but I kind of point out to him this path doesn’t look like the right path. I mean, it’s green and it goes up a hill and gets rocky and it’s not taking us anywhere, so I turn around to come back down.

I knock a rock loose, a big rock. It goes down into the road but it doesn’t hit anything and it rolls over to the other side so no car will hit it so I’m kind of relieved about that but then I start heading back towards the town and kind of go through some stores. It feels like I’m getting lost but I finally get to the dentist and then I have a dream about being at the dentist after this dream.

John: Well, this dream is full of what is considered a type of doingness. And you start off most removed from the doingness by an awareness of cross country skiing, which is like kind of more of an overall motif.

But just the term cross country skiing has a doingness to it but at least it has a… it’s more expansive or more spread out in terms of a wholeness within the environment, although it’s not the complete wholeness. It’s spreading your wings.

So within that you interject something that then has to be taken into account specifically, within what would normally be the ordinary motif of what it is that you’re able to extend your awareness over. As you do that then you continue to set off a kind of yo-yo effect, reverb effect, in terms of time.

In other words, now you have, instead of being something that is capable of just being in the overallness, outside of time and space, and take it all in as a wholeness, you find yourself having something specific as a doingness dragging your attention.

And thus comes the confusion of the watch, and then comes the confusion with the dentures. Because the watch then from a doingness then time comes in, instead of it being just in a general overallness of yourself. And then as that comes in you can’t help but then note other things, maybe you’re pain because of your dentures or whatever it is.

Pretty soon it goes on and on and on and on and on and so you get caught in this spiral, this spin, and I imagine what the second dream will do is you probably go deeper into the spin but maybe somehow then yo-yo back.

Jeane: I doubt it!

In the next dream, which goes downhill from here it looks like, it’s like I’ve taken you to the dentist, and while I’m there I’m supposed to get some impressions made too. So I leave you upstairs with the dentist and I go downstairs and he’s going to do something really fast where he does some kind of exam on me, but he takes out my dentures and he brings me back somebody else’s, which don’t fit.

So then the lab technician has to go start looking for those. I put my hand in my pocket and I find other teeth and they don’t fit either. Nothing fits. The technicians all want to go take a lunch break, so I start following them around.

I’m going to go find the lab so I can find what fits and fix it myself. They don’t particularly want me to do that so then they’re following me around the lab and I’m trying to figure out where they put things in the lab and get things sorted out because I feel like I only have a certain amount of time before I should be up with where you’re getting your work done.

John: Actually, the way that is spinning is it’s almost throwing you at your wits end.

Jeane: That’s exactly what last night felt like.

John: It’s actually coming very, very close to you actually getting it, because you’ve taken this doingness to a point of ludicrousness to where it doesn’t even make sense to you on another level.

And so it’s like, dentures, you know, really, you’ve got to be giving me a break and they’re somebody else’s dentures. What you’ve done is you’ve gone to a point where in the doingness, it’s supposed to make sense over something, in some fashion, in some way.

In other words, there’s a reason behind it, and now all of a sudden on some level inside of yourself, the rug is being jerked out from under you and you’re having a hard time coming up with why that makes sense.

Yet that doesn’t keep you from struggling to try to make it make sense in your doingness. You haven’t quite let go of it, but some other part inside of you is already making a mockery of that; can’t quite grasp and grab that reflection.

In other words, you spiraled into it to a point where now you can’t help but see it as kind of, something about yourself is making a mockery of yourself, because you really do understand it in kind of a different light.

And so you have that inflection almost into a nothingness, and then back into the doingness, and then back and forth, and you’re going to get this visualized one way or another. You can’t let this kind of go poof on you. This is getting very, very strange.

So, you’re spiraling. You’ve really created this spiral and that’s how the mind can get when it gets off on a full fledged tangent of trying to hold onto something, and yet at the same time on some level inside that’s no longer a possibility, of getting it to buy into it so that it totally makes sense.

Some level can’t quite do that anymore, and so you’ve created this dichotomy going back and forth. If I did it in my way, that would be a sadness. In your way it’s a tremendous agitation.

Jeane: Yeah, it was feeling like you were over there sleeping like a baby and I was just struggling with this all night.

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