An Act of Defiance

The states of nothingness and something are explored in Jeane’s dream, where she finds herself unaffected by the state of things around her, yet something is trying to draw her back in. It points to an element of resistance on the journey toward truly letting go. (At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)

Jeane: It felt like I had one long dream last night, and in the dream it almost feels like there had been a storm the night before, and things had occurred in the town based on the storm, and that one’s trying to figure out all of what went on.

And it’s just more than what one believed happened, and maybe some things were like people were robbed or people had fallen down in the mud, so it feels like slogging through the mud the next day, uphill or slightly uphill, and it just seems to go on forever trying to sort out what happened the night before.

That’s the best I can describe the dream.

John: It’s actually a kind of letting go. You’re describing a type of letting go condition because there’s a sensation behind it where you actually don’t notice anything.

In the dream you may have still been noticing something, but then again it’s very, very close to not noticing something. In other words, you’re just able to move about and the degree to which you feel that you’re slogging through, or there’s something to persevere through, is the degree to which you’re holding your attention on to something.

But within the dream context itself, is a surprise. There seems to be a surprise in there. The surprise seems to be that you can somehow or another just drift about in things, and this can surprise you, but that isn’t how you’re perceptions think that they need to operate. So you look to see yourself as slogging along, and slogging through things, but you’re almost, on a real deep level inside yourself – not quite able to believe that.

You can see yourself slogging through things, but then again there’s a higher self, or deeper part of yourself, that can see yourself as not even being affected, or having to be affected by that. So you’re going back and forth noting the distinction, in terms of what you kind of create as an illusion, or as an issue, or as a reflection.

How you kind of support it and maintain it, and how you can kind of let go of it at the same time – that there’s a place inside that can just let go of it too. It’s an unusual condition and state to be in because it’s an overallness of your nature that just seems to be somewhere else.

In other words, not in the circumstance of creation or life, and yet at the same time the degree to which you denote your senses, or some process that’s going on with the recognition inside, is the degree to which you still see yourself slogging through things.

So it’s kind of like you’re setting up a contrast between an emptiness or a nothingness, and an aspect in which this is how a doingness still tends to be, or to look, and you’re feeling the distinction. Right?

Is there more?

Jeane: The only thing more, is it seemed like near the end of the dream, in slogging out, that there was somebody to the side that thought maybe we’d robbed something, but it feels like the robbing it’s like if you’re slogging forward maybe you picked things up or you turned leaves over or something. But I didn’t see anything as being robbed. I didn’t quite buy into that. I just saw this whole process that kept going forward.

John: It’s a strange sensation where you flicker almost in defiance to the emptiness. You flicker back to where you take on some barrier, or take on some weight, or take on some mannerism – and it’s like a type of defiance.

It’s like you know you can let go of it and yet, at the same time, can you take it back on again? It’s like a strange dare that one plays inside themselves because in the emptiness you don’t know what to do with yourself, and then in the strange dare where you can kind of, make-believe, take it on again.

This is a cute way too of taking and looking at the contrast between a deep inner awareness, overallness, and the degree to which something can have an imagined effect – and you toy with that.

It’s a condition that is almost a strange kind of peculiar defiance, a defiance to the emptiness even, or the nothingness. You presented that, and then go into the reflection or the illusion with some sort of audacity. The interesting thing about this is, as you do this, a part of you, you’re testing your nerve is what you’re really kind of doing, your nerve between the emptiness and something that is imaged, as if you’re playing with fire in terms of being thrown out.

You can test your nerve in this way where it’s like if you go into a certain density or emptiness, if you go into a certain reflection, does that then throw you out? Can you do that without being thrown out?

You can even play kind of a really strange delirium if you go into the density of some reflection again, does that then throw you out of the space of the emptiness? Does that make you unqualified and unworthy? And it’s almost as if a part of you is saying, I’m going to do this to see. I’m going to do this because I’m not going to be bound, or I’m not going to be limited. I need to do this too.

If you think about that mannerism of doing it, that’s a strange, strange way or attitude, but yet at the same time, it kind of goes along with how we are in creation. We are in creation. So, can we make it this kind of… can we sustain and be in this way, as a kind of tomfoolery?

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