As we continue, it becomes more and more apparent that the safest place to be is in the flow with the energy. Whenever we let our personal indulgences dictate our actions, we make ourselves vulnerable to self-created suffering. The only safe place is on the path. (For the earlier installments, see Part I, Part II, Part III , and Part IV.) (At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)
John: Right now my whole take on it is that there are all kinds of things that are a little bit askew. Just like as we were talking, some people are looking better, some people are looking worse, and it’s almost like those who are trying real hard, in maybe a spiritual capacity, a lot of them are apt to be drawing the conclusion that the motif in which they’ve been projecting, and aiming themselves, is causing them to suffer more.
They don’t realize that they’ve shifted; they’ve gone into it in a little bit of a spiritual illusion – they didn’t mean to – and they miss the door.
I mean I’m certainly seeing that. There was a woman that tried to commit suicide. What I saw about her is that somehow, prematurely, she was waking up to a proximity closeness between this side, and the other side, I guess is the way of saying it.
She’s very indulged in what has to happen in her outer, and she feels the pressure of all of that, yet at the same time what helps make that outer louder to her in a way, in a painful way that is, she has this inner quickening going on, too, but she’s not able to somehow or another pick up enough of the responsibility of an Adab to the inner, so that she doesn’t keep stabbing herself with her outer predicament.
And so as a consequence her outer predicament has gotten to the point where they overwhelmed her. In other words, our teacher has indicated that this is a path where you don’t come back, but there’s an exception. You commit suicide, you come straight back.
It’s no different than any other kind of energetic, where you take and you do something. Let’s say you’re in a bad marriage or something, and you take and you get all blameworthy, change the situation that you’re in, and then you just gloat for a while thinking you’ve found something so much better – you should have done this sooner – only to realize that over a course of time you come back to facing that same dilemma in that relationship too. It goes around and around like that.
You’re in life to live something out, and it becomes too overwhelming to you, and you’re not quite true to the course, you’re not quite staying the course, and then you take and you do something to stop the process or veil the process, and you get into a repetitious pattern, you get haunted by that repetitious pattern, and if you were to do something really outrageous as if like, I’ve had enough, and commit suicide, that doesn’t rewrite the Book of Life.
It just causes you to have to come back and contend with it again, and probably go through that perhaps even worse then, because you’re going to come up to the point where you’re going to feel like committing suicide again. It has to live itself out until you let go of it.
In other words, till you get into a proper vibrational relationship, that is you, in terms of how it can be in the Whole, and can do that without any image problems, which is ego getting in the way.
What would I have said to that person if they would have stuck around, or if I would have had a chance to talk to them? Would I have been like a lot of the people, where you would have hugged them, and hope you’re doing better, and glad to see you? That’s not my nature.
I would have been inclined to do what is kind of a type of tough love. Now does that mean that I have an attitude, that I really don’t like them, or something? No. It means that if I smooth them a little bit, that isn’t helping them at all. Their botched attempt is going to come up again.
They reach that crescendo in order to break through something, and just putting the lid and the cap down on things is not going to get that to work for them. They have that particular acuity because that’s their karma, or their nature, to have to come to that kind of acuity. And then they don’t go around and have everybody tell them that it’s A-okay again, and then telling themselves that it’s A-okay because deep down inside they cannot hear it that way anymore.
They are, so to speak, for better or worse, afflicted by the proximity of this inner and outer, and they have to come to grips with it. I’ll never forget this person who, years ago when I was first new on the path, must have told the teacher this dream and the teacher said, “Bring it up in the group.”
And the teacher turns to this person and had him tell the dream. And then they barely had told the dream, and in the dream basically what this person was saying was that they were afraid to go to sleep at night because they would be hit by this, and hit by that, and it was like being busted into a million pieces, and they didn’t know how to put it together.
The teacher then basically tailored his talk around that, starting with the rather blunt attitude – it sounds like an attitude, but it’s not, it’s really the epitome of conscious tenderness – by basically saying, “That’s going to happen to every one of you.” You know, “I don’t know why half of you are here, because you’re all going to have to go through this at some point in time or another.”
And then he said, “You know, you can leave, because if you stay, you’re going to have to go through this at some point in time.” What kind of thing was that? Was that compassionate? Yes, but that sounds almost brutal.
He didn’t go oh, I’m so sorry dear that it’s like that for you, oh that’s too bad. He didn’t do that at all. He just jumped right over the top of it, and says and this is going to happen to all of you. And technically you’ve [Ann] already had a bit of that happen to you, when let’s say for example during the daytime you’ve gone along and you just racked your brain at trying to figure something out that was bugging you.
And you went around and around and around and around and around, and so when you went to bed you were out of whack too because you still haven’t solved it. And then when you fall asleep, part of your process is still trying to work on it. You can have horrible, horrible sleep.
Do you remember those?
Ann: Yes, oh gosh yes.
John: We don’t have that much anymore because, we’re lucky but I remember having stuff like that.
Ann: Oh my gosh yes. Talk about brutal almost.
John: That is brutal torture. It’s like being haunted.
Ann: Yes because then you are like aaah – you get up and you’re exhausted.
John: Yes. You are exhausted. You didn’t get your full night’s rest, and it’s this sort of thing that some people get caught up in the swim of and it will break you down. You can have a breakdown as a consequence of this.
You never get a reprieve. Something doesn’t come together. The soul doesn’t catch up with something. Your body doesn’t get properly rested, and oh my gosh on an energetic level you go backwards. And what do you look like? You look like hell.
And I’m seeing more and more people that are looking like hell.
Ann: Boy that is so true, isn’t it. Wow.
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