In today’s dream, John finds himself as the odd man out, being in a group with three other women. The women see, and represent, the Wholeness of the situation. The masculine sees, and represents, the particulars, or the details of things. A balance of both views is required to maintain the safety of the overall. Finding this balance is a huge struggle within each developing person. (At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)
John: Well, my dream works with the particularity of something. In other words, you have the general motif, and I have the set responsibility.
And so the way it shows itself up is, I’m one of the four people who have the responsibility to ensure that the guidelines governing the workings of a body, which I am part of, have no conflicts of interest.
This body is composed, these inner workings, the inner responsibility is made up of three women and me. In other words, we’re like the higher order that makes sure that the will of the overall body is free and clear from any conflict in terms in terms of how it’s put together.
Because we have to be clear about this, and it’s very subtle at times, we tend to remain kind of in an inner sanctum within ourselves, so it’s considered an honor and a noble thing when we go out into the courtyard or something amongst the people. And the people are always excited to see us and will stand around waiting if we’re supposed to come out at some appointed time.
Our duty as the inner sanctum, the four of us, is to make sure that the fabric of the society is not only not affected by anyone with a presence that is not right, but also with an interest like in the Whole, an ownership interest or a place in the Whole that contaminates the overall freedom and flow and functionality.
The image is, I see us filing out to their welcome, and we’re going like in a lineup, and it’s kind of two women go first, and then there’s me, and then there is another woman. I’m the only guy, and I would have been perfectly happy, and would have preferred if it were possible to have stayed back and let the women come out, but that is not how it works. We are the leadership team.
So, we file out amongst the people and the crowd is ecstatic to see us, but I see myself cringing with embarrassment. I can hardly look anybody in the eye. I’m very, very self-conscious. These three women do not seem to be aware consciously of anything being askew, but I’m aware of it, and I do not feel worthy to be there and would prefer to hide.
I cannot look these people in the eye because, from my inner positioning of being able to see something from within, I see a problem in the way that the order of the body is put together, and it has to do with a type of ownership interest that conflicts with what we all deem responsible. In other words where there isn’t a contaminate that sits there at a deep inner level that prevents something from being as dynamic as it’s meant to be – and I’m aware of it.
But all the women don’t seem to be aware of it, because they don’t look at things that way. They’re looking at the overall energetic of how something needs to be in the Whole, but I’m aware of this undermining little component. And I see it as my responsibility, and my duty, to make sure that that’s not there – and it’s there. So I’m feeling so bad about this, it is all I can do to show my face.
I could see in the eyes of the people that they trust us explicitly, and are standing out there to greet us and honor us, which is how it’s meant to be. In other words, that’s how it’s set up to be. It works like that.
It’s an odd position to be in, because I know that the women are in the right space to be swept up in this coming together or communion with the people, but I’m not. I’m having an extremely hard time justifying just being there because of this guilt, or self-conscious, that I carry because what I know is sitting there.
It may not be a problem yet, but it has to be fixed or it will be, and it’s my role to have seen this, and I missed it, and there it is, affecting the overall system. So for as long as this remains an imbalance, I can’t do anything but see myself as holding back in this self-conscious embarrassment, restraint, and shame.
To come out before the people while this still exists to me is out of place, as if I’ve let everyone down, even though they don’t know it, don’t see it yet. That doesn’t matter; I see it and that is where it matters, in terms of my heart.
In writing what this is like, I write: the vibration is that I’m aware of an inner energetic imbalance that has to do with a detail regarding the order of things that has its aliveness, this detail, and that detail is such that it could destabilize the Whole.
But what’s awkward is, at this point in time, I seem to be alone in this. The three women comrades are amnesic to this. I mean, they don’t look at the detail and specifics of things. They look at how the overallness is and they tend to feel that they’re handling that.
I mean, this detail really, really bugs me. They’re okay, and the people are euphoric, and they have a right to be euphoric, and they’re carrying themselves as they need to carry themselves as they go out amongst the people. It’s just me that’s tenuous.
In other words, what I see is I can’t really look at them in the eyes, because I see the impending problem. In other words, I see that in between, and as long as it remains, I’m not able to be in a place that is able to merge, or to come through, in a way that connects like it’s meant to be.
In other words, if I’m able to put together a system and a process that flows, and this is very, very difficult and this is a problem that always exists when you have to function like this, is that you’re always rolling things around to see if you have it right.
And the problem with rolling things around to see if you have it right is, you can easily get caught up in the detail and screw up, because it’s important to also feel the overallness of what is right in the Whole, which is that feminine quality.
The masculine is that intangible fourth element that makes how something is to be felt and carried in the Whole. It’s what makes it complete. It’s what makes it secure. It’s what makes it safe. It’s what makes it balanced.
The feminine carries the overall vibration that everybody can abide in and be in, but the masculine is what safeguards it and makes it okay, makes it so that it’s sustainable. And what I’m seeing is not sustainable, and it may be okay now, but I know that it won’t be in the future.
I know that this is a latent problem, and I’m not sure what to do about it. I haven’t solved it, and of course I also know that the problem with solving it has to do with somehow or another being able to step back from it, too.
In other words, this is tricky because you have to make huge shifts too, so you can’t get too caught up in the way something is, as a sense of overall feel to it. You can’t get too caught up in that, because you have to be cognizant of how this little thing can distort, or disrupt, or change the overallness – even though it hasn’t done that yet.
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