Painting the Conundrum

balance-of-elementsAsleep or awakened? Inside or outside? Jeane has a dream that is wrestling with these aspects of herself, seen in the images of a sleeping man, a young boy and girl, and her inability to have anything unfold in the way she wants. When the characters in our dreams are understood as different energies within us, a dream scenario can show quite a bit about the current inner struggle. (At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)

Jeane: What I remember of my dream is, I went over to visit a house where my sister lived, and she’s not there right then, but her little girl is due home at any time. I like to play with her little girl. 

I go over there and there’s a guy I have always been rather fascinated with. He’s kind of very renaissance. I’ve always been attracted to him, and he’s over there and he’s lying down like on a sofa bed. So I go over to lie down next to him, but he’d been planning on going outside but he decides that we can lie down, but that’s all we can do.

But I think we kiss a few times and he has this long hair that kind of covers my face, and I’m kind of fascinated by that, but I realize he’s really in kind of a dull mood. He’s tired or something, and so I kind of turn around so my feet are more at his head and I’m laying down while I’m considering what I’m going to do because he’s napping. 

He has a little boy somewhere in the house, so then the little girl comes home and I play with her a little bit and I want her to go outside and play. I wanted him to go outside I think too and he wouldn’t… or he wanted to go outside. I wanted him to stay inside. The little girl I want to go outside and play with, but she has just come in from school or whatever, so she doesn’t want to go outside again. So I’m kind of reflecting on when we had played outside the time before.

Then I go upstairs and I see there’s this woman in the house I don’t know, a young woman, and by this time the guy that had been lying on the sofa is now up taking a shower, so I figure he has already has his hands full. He has another woman in the house. 

I go back downstairs. Both his little boy and the other girl are there but they’re kind of focused now on staying there, when I want to go outside. I try to tempt her because we had gone horseback riding before – doesn’t she want to go horseback riding again? 

But she doesn’t want to go out, and then I’m having a few doubts myself because in the past somebody else has saddled up the horses for us, and it’s been a long time since I’ve saddled a horse, so I’m not sure if I went into the barn I’d know exactly how to do it, or the horses would be cooperative, you know, it’s just been awhile. 

Then I think well maybe I’ll go over to the hospital. There are lots of little kids there that you can play with, or entertain, or whatever, since she doesn’t want to leave her house. She’s too close to dinner or something, and my sister has come home at that time too. That’s about all I remember of that dream.

John: You’re talking about two zones in yourself that are entirely different from each other, and yet somehow or another they have to be integrated.

In other words, you’re able to go back, into a state in which you’re able to relate to something as a freshness inside of you – in other words, the little girl – and you’re able to move about in the world with that, but you can’t seem to awaken this other part of yourself enough to be able to put it in motion.

You’re drawn to trying to awaken it. You even see yourself laying at cross angles to it when it sleeps. You even see yourself trying to do things to awaken it, but you can’t get it to come out. 

And so you have that going on, and then you have the little girl going on, and then you have a lot of confusion in between in terms of how to reconcile it. You draw conclusions in between that there are other parts that are affecting the situation.

All in all, when it’s like that, you remain in a type of apprehension, trying to cause something to change, or to shift, but it’s almost as if the two places, the two energetics, don’t match up.

Because there’s the inner and the outer consequences, and whatever is effectuated on the inside, needs to go and be lived in the outer. And that quality that you need to find, that you’re drawn to find, which is asleep, is lying crosswise, cross angles even when it sleeps to how the state is that you’re in, where there’s the little girl that actually is the stage of development that can move around, that senses something, that can go outside of the house.

This part can’t go outside of the house, can’t quite wake up. That’s a trait in which there is something, in the amnesia of it all, which can be a little exhausting and frustrating, and yet that’s what you have to contend with. That’s what you have to do something about, in order for something to come through, to change.  

If you think about the energetic, it’s probably a reoccurring vibration, as well, where it always kind of comes appearing to be like that. What your dream doesn’t do is tell you what would happen if that whole thing went away.

It doesn’t tell you what kind of snap breakthrough that would be like. It just paints the scenario of a type of mystery and struggle that you’re having to try to resolve. And your resolving of it is a little different from the way the masculine tends to resolve something. You just find yourself in the scenario of it, in which something stays on the inside that can’t go out to the outside.

And that which can go to the outside can be found on the inside, but can go to the outside, but somehow or another there’s this gap between the two halves. And yet there is a part of you, which you reject, that can be on the inside and can touch and affect that, but you don’t want to believe it. You give up. 

You have a tendency of giving up. You have a tendency of thinking that somehow there’s something else that is in the scenario. You have this contrast as a quality that pulls back or something, that gives up, that shatters or gives up.

So, what you’re doing is you’re just painting the conundrum. You’re not painting where the result is, of what would happen if everything changed. In other words, how you could get to a point where everything around you changes, or how it can be, that the way you could be can then have an effect that is such so that everything changes. You don’t get to that point.

Instead you are looking at the contrast, and it’s pointed out to you on an energetic level where it is that you’re letting go, or stepping back, or failing to hold and stay consistent, where you’re questioning or doubting a certain credibility.

The peculiarity of this is, it’s like you have this scene, this situation you find yourself in, it’s presented before you as part of the overall that you have to deal with. There’s the difference between a state that’s awakened and a state that’s not. 

And you’re drawn to awaken the state that’s not, but you have your qualms, your heebie-jeebies, your judgements, your doubts, your fears, the giving-up quality, whatever it is, that steps back and lets it go, doesn’t do what it can do, doesn’t see it through, and so you’re not able to see what this can become yet.

It takes a certain adamancy to breakthrough that crescendo and, when you do, then you’ll see what this becomes. But until then, you probably go around and around with this reoccurring dream in a kind of contrasting scenario.

To download this file, Right Click (for PCs) or Control Click (for Macs) and Save: Painting the Conundrum

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