No Satisfaction

chaos2-francine-kiznerQuite often in our dreams, we find our selves in a state of delirium, where everything seems to go wrong no matter what we try. Here, Jeane has a similar experience, in that the consequences of her actions are different that what she had intended. And perhaps there is a larger point to this scenario, because we really don’t control how our life will unfold.

(At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)

Jeane: The first dream I only remember a tiny bit of it. It seemed like I’m having a dialogue with somebody, a guy, and we must have done something like taken pictures, but when you look at something on the screen you have to select I guess what size you want them to come out. The tendency is for people to pick a size that’s too large.

And then when you take it out of the electronic medium, you print it, it comes out bigger than what it’s supposed to be, so I’m kind of arguing for these like one-inch squares and explaining that when you print these out, actually they come out to the right size. If you print out some other size you get something that’s too big.

John: There’s something going on in which you’re acting in one way for some other effect. In other words, you’re not able to see, you’re not able to get comfortable. You’re trying to do something in one regard, and you have your questions and your ponderings about it. And the way you’re looking at it is probably not the right way to be looking at it, and therefore it doesn’t come together for you when you look at it like that.

So it’s a peculiar kind of cause and effect. In other words, whatever it is that you’re doing, you gauge as having to get or reach a particular point or effect. In other words, there’s a gap because you don’t have the certainty as to what that’s going to turn into. 

And all you know, or have a sense of, is however it is you gauge it you’re not going to know until later whether what that was about was too much, or too little, or too anything. It’s kind of like having the peculiarity of having to take your best shot, but not knowing what the consequences are going to necessarily turn out to be, knowing that whatever it is that you do, you’ll find out later if it was too much, or too little, or something.

Jeane: Then I have a dream in which I seem to be meeting some people, including the guy that I’m with, maybe they’ve been out hiking or something, so we meet, and then it feels like he and I want to go to the movies. And I guess the other couple, especially the woman, is kind of reluctant to do that, but agrees. 

Well, because maybe they’ve been out hiking and stuff, and then I meet you or whoever the guy is, and there’s a Jeep, when we get out of the Jeep I go back because I realize I haven’t locked the door, and that you haven’t locked your door of the Jeep either.

And then I realize someone has reached over and they’ve shattered your driver’s side windows, like someone maybe has put a fist through it or something, but in spite of that it’s like I’m going to go ahead and lock the door.

But then I find myself in the Jeep, but I’m going to take it somewhere to park it, and wherever I’m going to park it the Jeep starts rolling and goes forward, a whole other block or so than I intended, and I was able to steer it up a hill and put it on the side area. Then I have to hurry and walk down through some people and things to meet you guys.

And then it feels like we still have to walk from there to wherever the movie theater is.

John: The whole thing has to do with some sort of gap. In other words, you don’t have the comprehension over the whole thing.

Well, it’s about something, but you don’t have a comprehension over what it’s about, and yet whatever it is that you’re doing is part of it. You’re part of some unfolding process, but you don’t have a comprehension about what it’s about.

I mean, that has to be kind of frustrating because you usually have a comprehension over what something is about. Here you’re doing one thing but what the effect will actually turn out to be is a whole other thing. 

And in the other dream, you’re just there as things happen and other things just kind of unfold as you go through the motions of whatever it is that you do to try to facilitate something. And so much seems to happen in some variable way that seems unusual or odd, and if you were to sit down and look at it, that’s part of what life’s all about.

It’s almost as if everything that has taken place has reached the point where, for you, it doesn’t make sense. Maybe things made sense in the past, but now it’s to the point where you have to go through a type of overall focus and attention, which you have to maintain and do, but you can’t get it to make any sense. 

It doesn’t come to any kind of degree of satisfied completion in terms of whatever perspective it is that you may have been inclined to think you had to have. It’s kind of like a dream in which there’s a lot of delirium, but it’s delirium simply because you don’t have any inside information.

A person could have a dream like this, and then they’re shattered, and then they’re completely confused about everything around them. You could perhaps have a dream like that because it’s your nature to always at least be able to pretend that you know what you’re doing, and when you’re shattered under those circumstances, that’s not necessarily good because it can be self destructive to you.

But when you’re shattered under these circumstances, if that’s even the right word now, when everything has gotten into a type of different delirium or something, and you have to go through the motions because you know the consequences of what’s to take place is something that you will come to grips with, and maybe be let in on sometime in the future, but it’s not something that you can take and put your finger on now.

In other words, you’re used to being able to dwell, and noodle, and arrange, and orchestrate – put something into a cadence and whatnot – and even rationalize that to make it make sense. And that’s why you do it, you find the momentum then, from having made it make sense. You find the momentum to be able to keep going forward.

But in this particular case, things just seem to happen, and if you had tried to orchestrate it, you couldn’t have gauged the stuff that’s happening, then. You might have been caught just in what you orchestrated, because what you’re seeing is you’re in a scenario in which there’s a type of letting go, or release, which has occurred, so that the result of something is there to behold.

And only then will you know whether or not whatever it was that you did, what the consequences of that would be, and both dreams seem to be like that except for the first dream, you’re still able to tell yourself that there is a responsibility, an accountability kind of thing, because maybe it will be too big, or too small, or whatever the unfoldment will be.

But in the second dream even that is taken out of it, and things just seem to take place as you seem to be in this kind of overall nature of it all, and a certain doingness is taken out of it. You’re more inclined to be observing yourself what is happening, and it’s not what you would be inclined to think either, right?

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