Archive for May, 2013

Inner Self8In these dream images, Jeane is struggling with spaces – where and when to meet a sailing group, and where to have her offices. Yet, ultimately, what this points out is the need to be able to hold a space – within oneself – as a part of the overallness. Once Jeane reaches that point, she is able to reconnect with the flow, and the space she is in adapts to that. (At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)

Jeane: The second half of my dream is so loud that I lost a lot of the first half. What I remember of the first half of the dream is it feels like I’m trying to get together with a group of people who are meeting. 

They’re meeting in the evening, maybe even in a bar or someplace, but what they’re really meeting for is that they’re forming a sailing class, but it’s a class that’s going to learn how to sail certain types of boats.

And some people have done this before and others haven’t, and so we’re going to meet and I guess part of the purpose of the meeting is to pair up and things. That’s about all I really remember of the first part of the dream. 

It’s trying to kind of coordinate to get together with these people, and trying to figure out who had sailed before and who hadn’t, and where the class was going to be and all of that. The other part of the dream got so loud.

John: Well, what you are doing is, you’re having to hold the space, you’re having to determine what the setting needs to be in, that you’re able to then take off and sail. And so that’s what you’re attuning yourself to, vibrationally, is the space that you have to hold, or maintain.

So you start off doing that in order to continue.

Jeane: Part of where the dream goes is, it feels like I’m in some kind of a medical setting where I work, and most of the people who do counseling have their offices in one part of the building, but I seem to be in another part. And this part isn’t terribly well arranged.  

But I do have two offices that adjoin each other, and maybe even though some people come and go in one, I can see people there, and there’s a little confusion about whether I’m supposed to meet with somebody or not.

So somebody does show up, and it feels like before I see someone, it’s almost like one or two of the other therapists come by and we’re actually looking at the space because they would kind of like me to be where their offices are, but the difficulty I have with that is the office I’m in now, even though it’s somewhat separate, it has windows and stuff and I don’t think theirs do.

So I’m a little reluctant to give up having windows, but after they’ve left, even though I don’t remember scheduling an appointment, it’s like I have somebody come and I’m having trouble now with a place to see them. 

And then somebody else comes at the same time, and before I know it, there are three of us and we’re sitting at more of a table, and I’m trying to first see this woman who brings in her little girl, about a 10-year-old, who’s a little nervous about seeing a therapist.

Whatever office I have, it just seems to be now I’m just in a space where I seem to have to see people just as they come, wherever I’m at, because where I’m at keeps changing at this part of the dream.  

This woman with the daughter that maybe doesn’t speak that much English and she’s brought her in and she needs to be seen, but I’m still sitting at a table now with one other person who has come to see me, but I have to do something first to reassure the little girl.  

Then it just feels like those people are gone, and there are some people that I’ve counseled that I’ve seen in a group before, but suddenly they’re showing up individually, and before I can see one, the other one pops up and the space keeps kind of expanding. And I’m trying to sort out how to fit some of them in.

And then I see another one I hadn’t even known was there sitting and waiting. Then I go over and I look for a piece of paper to write something on, and it has all already got writing on it by you, or by somebody else, and I have to keep turning it over until I find a piece that I can put something on. 

So I’m just trying to figure out now, I’m trying to write down the name of at least one of them so I can sort some stuff out here, and then I try to tell them that maybe I can sort it out where I give a certain number of minutes to one person, and then I see another person who I guess I’d started talking to, and now she wants some more time, too. 

I can’t remember her name. Then I glance out. It feels like we’ve shifted from an office to where we’re all sitting on a bus. 

John: First of all, in the first part of your dream, you establish as a base the fact that you have to work in an overall way. You have to find the flow that takes into account everything around you. And you’re finding what that feels like, and how that feels to you is how you’re meant to be in relationship to this overall.

But then as the dream progresses, you’re still trying to guide, or direct, or hold onto something – like whether you have an office with windows or something like that. And so you’re still trying to hold back something in terms of the whole flow, in other words, where you have certain things that would be nice to have, your creature comforts yet.

When you let go of that, and are able to be affected by things randomly, or just in the flow of life as life comes to you, as opposed to having to steer it, or guide it, in some capacity, you find that that this, then, takes you back into the flow.

So you’re now able to meet with the groups, with the overall again. You somehow or another created a distraction when you had to have, or felt you needed to have, a particular kind of space from which to work.

But now that you realize that you can work from whatever the dynamic is that you end up in, and can meet with the group and be okay, you’re realizing that the difference between the first part of the dream, and then this dream, is you’re coming back to what is essential, in terms of letting go, so that you can carry the greater overallness. 

You would have thought the dream would have ended there, because that’s plenty of dream right there, but it doesn’t. The dream then says that when you have developed the ability to meet with the overallness of others, and have let go of the need to protect some sort of space that you have to do this in, so that you can do this in whatever setting you’re in, then you can now have more of an effect, which is more masculine oriented, which is you can now, instead of providing the overall setting, you’re now able to take and work succinctly and directly with individuals as opposed to the group.

In other words, instead of being a quality that’s able to hold the overall space together for something that is important to the Whole, you’ve done that, and so that has been established. You don’t have attachments to sort out, so you’re holding the acuity of that together, and you’re holding it so much so together that you have that capacity inside of yourself to bring something through.

Usually you can’t bring something through if you’re fogged up with moods, or mannerisms, which still haven’t been made comfortable. And so when you’ve been able to accept the overallness, you can then go and make another shift inside yourself, which is a masculine shift, and bring something through specifically, which is oriented to being able to work one-on-one.

And now from this, you’re now progressing, because you were doing this all within a contained environment, and now your dream sounds like it’s about ready to progress into going out of yourself now or, in other words, into the bigger schematic of what’s considered an outer, as opposed to just the inner – because the inner and the outer have to be one and the same, too.

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inner-self5In this dream imagery, John has received an inheritance that includes a cat and a house that’s a mess. As a species, humans all have an inheritance that is part of our makeup, and as individuals we have our individual genetic and personal history. These have an effect on who we are, and are aspects that cannot be denied. Even so, our consciousness and connections to the whole of life determine what we will become. (At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)

John: I find myself in a place where I’ve inherited a scenario in which everything around me is a total mess. And those who come around in this scenario of myself, in this place that I am, wonder how it is that I put up with this. 

It’s like I’m in a trance, with no sense of balance around me. The setting in the place that I’m in is I seem to be hanging out in the room in a kitchen, a small kitchen. There’s more to this than just the kitchen, but I’m hanging out in the kitchen, and this is something that I’ve inherited.  

This whole place used to belong to a woman who is no longer around, and I am now in this place and have to contend and work with the conditions as I find them – as is handed to me. This is my lot in life. 

And the place needs cleaning up. The kitchen is cramped, small, there’s food and rubbish on the floor, filthy conditions everywhere you look. And I have a certain amnesic quality to that, in the eyes of other people who look at this. 

And, of course, I guess you could say this old woman must have been an eccentric or something. What she has everybody wants. She was very wealthy, but living like this was as if she was always overwhelmed or something. So it’s almost as if I don’t actually ever meet her, and when I inherit all of this, I also inherit a cat that she had.  

This is a cat that is okay, you know, it’s acceptable. It seems to be okay with those conditions. However, this cat reflects backwards to another cat that I can see in my mind’s eye, that was around when she was alive – at a deeper depth, in other words, now. 

And this cat really looks strange. It was stiffish, it had scales like a type of body armor, and even though I never actually could see the cat, I know that I can see it in my mind’s eye. It’s more than hearing about it, I actually have a visual of how this cat is, and she liked this cat. She appreciated this cat. She looked after this cat. This was part of how she saw herself. 

At the time she died, though, this other cat, that’s normal in appearance, that has been passed on as part of what she passed on as her wealth, to me, was kind of her more intimate and close possession in terms of an aliveness. It’s as if her life even revolved around this cat. This cat, of course, is not the scaly cat, or the armored cat, or the defense mechanism kind of cat, or the dense cat that I could see in my mind’s eye, which was around primarily as her companion when she predominated in this space.  

What has happened is I now see myself as having taken on this place and her condition, and everywhere you look the conditions are stifling. The only copable thing in this scene is the cat. The cat seems to get along just fine. A person who is there off to one side tries to advise me that I should place my attention upon cleaning up this mess, that the computer I inherited is probably also compromised, in other words needing cleaning up as well. 

To protect myself internally I should make sure that I put my attention at rescuing everything in a safe way. So I turn to the person whom I know, who expresses an interest in my condition, and is viewing what he’s seeing as important but from some perspective that I know comes from his way of seeing things, so and I say, “Even if my computer is compromised it will not matter, because I have imbedded a self-destruct button on it. No one can access who I really am. At any time I want, I can enact, on the computer, a program that deflects everything to the cat.” 

In other words, the cat gets it all. And this won’t be like the helpless gentle thing that I inherited. This will be a cat like she used to be with scaly conditions that are like body armor, which no one understands, which keeps things in a state of confusion. 

The dream is reflecting the fact that I appear to others, in terms of my normal mannerisms and persona that I project, as if I am out of touch with the conditions that exist around me. And on a sensation level, I go around as if I am pent up by obstacles. I inherited this condition. 

Long ago this was even harder to accept because what I doted upon back then has evolved. It’s become subtler. It hides things better. It doesn’t go to that deep density of myself at the epicenter of the microcosm.

The environment that I had surrendered my attention to was not a pleasant sight – that’s back then, at the density of one’s self that one has to access, one has to own, because there lies the cat that’s scaly, stiff looking, with an armor that makes it reprehensible. Cats usually are friendly, or they could be coaxed to be friendly, even though they are precocious – but not this cat. You wanted to not even look at it.

I tend to this cat until now what I have inherited as part of my lot in life has changed, but still, at the core of things, there are still dire conditions. This is much like how bloodlines work. In other words, you inherit family traits, which have been in the family for 100s of years or whatever, and they pass down through you, and where did it come from? 

How do you go back and address that? Also, a psychologist always knows that if they’re trying to help a person they have to get them to go back and identify with the root of their feelings, and from that then, the cycle can be broken in terms of the pattern that repeats and repeats.

And so we carry within our nature this mechanism or means where we have to go back to the epicenter of ourself in order to grow or make a transformation. If anyone tries to alter or change the way this works as if they have a right, and can figure out how, to bring in a state of balance that’s controllable, and they’re suggesting that that’s possible to me, someone who’s naïve, because they haven’t dealt with the depths of themselves, my response is I will blow those ideas up and leave everything to both a present and a past simultaneously that I have accepted.

I know this state even though I did not personally experience it in this lifetime. A lot has been transformed and no one knows this deep down better than me. In other words, I see what’s transformed, but also see whence one came. If there is an attempt to interfere with who I really am, and where I am meant to go, I will invoke… in other words, this is the Shiva quality: I will invoke a type of shattering all over again – because that’s important.

The purpose of the dream is, my freedom in creation is affected by imbedded energetic vibrations that rise up from within. Those conditions are old; they are repressed and have an influence upon everything around me. Those conditions not only confine me, but I am able to surprise everyone by falling back upon such a self which is disregarded and discounted by those who think they are familiar with my situation.

What they do not know, nor can they understand, is that I am committed to protecting this heritage because it is at the core of who I am. I must reject who they are, or this depth of things, or refuse to even look at it. Alternatively of course, see this sort of thing as a condition which defines who I am.

I would lose everything important if I resorted to what others look at, which is a state of mind that abandons this sort of thing. I may have changed the person, or I may have evolved with the person that others see. In other words, I’ve developed this particular persona and mannerism by which I project, but deep down there is something that remains beyond their reach. I have to reach it, however, and I have to accept it.

Why do I have to accept it? Because of how it is meant to flow. It’s meant to flow based upon having a loyalty within to that which is in need of my care. And whenever my attention is placed there a protection exists in spite of appearances. This is how my psyche is designed to effect the environment.

I do not place my attention upon what others deem meaningful. I consider that to be inhibiting. Conversely, others do not put there attention upon that which strikes to the core of who I am. They consider this to be unnatural, confined, and inhibiting.

So, what are the resulting consequences? I function best when I separate myself from the status quo and look at the grosser nuances in life as reflecting a subtle meaningfulness. For me such nuances are so imbedded that they effect who I am. 

Others would never look at this mannerism from its root. This would be too stifling for them. Others want what I appear to have, but do not accept the inner conditions that come with this state. In other words, the conditions of going into a depth of one’s self.

I cannot give them what they want until they accept and honor such conditions, without having or conditions or reservations. My sight in this regard is maintained by never letting go of this dense core quality nature I carry within.

This core quality nature is too much for others to accept, or work with, so I am on my own. To try and bring this from inner to outer is fraught with confusion because to do so I am exposing things, and myself even. So in exposing myself, I am seen as being in contrast to how they see themselves, so then you create friction so you have to know how to hold the state in a quietness.

Then something went along and all of a sudden I came up with this. A hidden mystery in creation is that it is how this dense core of our being, it is from this dense core of our being, that we derive our sight. In order for inner sight to come through, we access this repressed prima materia trait.

In other words, something that’s shrunken and dense and dark, and like a rock in our nature, and accept it as being our lot in life. If it transforms, it transforms, but that isn’t the objective because then you tend to start trying to reach outward into a greater outwardness of the macrocosm, instead of everything being there in the micro.

We can soften this trait, transform it into a gentler and subtler way of being, but at the core there is no getting away from it. This is an integral part of our psyche. Or to say this another way, we are able to see what is able to be by unveiling, at the depth of our being, that which exists in a repressed state.

We come to own, honor, and protect these roots, from our underlying nature, because they are essential to our current condition no matter how evolved our current condition seems to have become. This is why it is said that gain comes with pain. We never run away from who or what we are.

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digital-art-work-the-core-of-unionIt is a fundamental of current human life that we are always seeking answers outside ourselves. Yet the truth is, all the answers are found within. Here, Jeane’s dream triggers a discussion of this aspect, causing John to wonder: Who is willing to do that? (At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)

Jeane: It felt like last night I was struggling to measure, or regulate something, and in that struggle I’m kind of dialoging with somebody else and we’re not doing a very good job of whatever we’re trying to control, or regulate, or monitor, or whatever. 

And then I know about this machine I guess that’s out on the market that will measure and average part of what we’re trying to regulate, and in doing so that calms it down somewhat. 

So it feels like I go get this machine, and then by taking an average of what it’s measuring and whatever and paying attention to it, it feels like it calms it down somewhat, but it isn’t really doing as much maybe as what the other person thinks it’s doing. It just seems like a step that one can take, but it’s not really the solution.

And that’s the best I can describe the dreaming. I don’t remember much else.

John: Yeah, that’s because what happened is, is you resorted to this machine for a type of satisfaction, or solution purposes, instead of resorting and going to a depth inside yourself where the answers actually exist.

In other words, everything that is occurring we can reach or touch at some depth inside of ourself, but who can do that? Because very few people can go into that core of their being to such a degree to where they access the sort of stuff that’s embedded in their being.

All of history is imbedded in your being. Everything is imbedded there. The dilemma is that it’s dense; it’s a very dense trait that’s imbedded there. Why do they say it’s dense? Well, it’s repressed. Why do they say it’s repressed? Well, it’s something that’s extremely compacted. 

Why is it extremely compacted? Well, it is in this way that magnetism is created in terms of creation, and it is this magnetic state that we have a relationship with when we’re in a physical body.

Everyone goes through life and they try to find an easy way to make things work, and so they try to find machines that can do this for them, machines that can do that for them, especially when it comes to issues of health, or the issues of trying to understand what is going on in terms of the chemistry that they don’t understand.

They carry this very complex human condition body and whatnot and it has things about it that we can barely grasp. I mean, we understand certain things, but there are other things that we don’t have a handle on, and can’t grasp.

And, as a consequence, to pacify our psyche, we resort to answers or resolutions that come from outside sources. And what your dream is basically doing, is that there is something about accessing this outside source that isn’t giving you quite the satisfaction that it’s supposed to give you.

And the reason why it’s not giving you the satisfaction it is supposed to be giving you, is that some part deep, deep, deep inside of you, you know you already can access this generically, or it can come from an inner depth that you’re able to reach. There’s no shortcut to it.

In other words, this inner depth is not something that you noodle around the edges on, and try to figure out how to stay light and skim away from it. You have to experience it. You have to go into it. 

And those who can go into it can then see things about life that are not otherwise possible. Everyone kind of knows this maybe. I suppose if you’re on a certain spiritual path that you have to go into the depths of your being, but I think they give that lip service, primarily because as you explore a certain part, or aspect, of your makeup and you’re being, and you come to know some of the inner nuances of yourself that have been repressed or hidden or have been carried for a long, long time, you then look for an easy way out.

That condition still seems to continually predominate, and so you look around for shortcuts, easier answers, and of course to a certain degree those easier answers and such can become even a bit more accessible, or so it seems, because you have a greater consciousness that can take in a bigger schematic and picture in the overall. Overall meaning a better grasp of the macrocosm.

But if you’re in a human body, you grasp it through the microcosm. You grasp it through the depths of yourself. That’s why the sight that you have, where does this come from? Does it come from scaling some sort of heights in terms of a grasp of things in a bigger schematic scheme of things that you aspire to unravel?

Does that sight come from that? Actually, it bleeds out. It just goes out and out and out until it just filters out and becomes poof, it just ethers out on you. The sight comes from this deep, deep depth of your inner being, that was kind of painful actually, yet you carry it and you don’t want to feel that pain, so you look for the shortcuts to spiral out on.

What ends up happening is that actually becomes boring, those shortcuts become boring. Those shortcuts actually become something that doesn’t really fulfill. Those shortcuts become something that doesn’t actually give you the answer that you need to have.

So you have this huge dilemma. You need this much, much deeper answer, and you have to go about finding this deeper answer by accessing something imbedded at a deep, deep depth within. What kind of deep, deep depth within is this?

Well, what does it kind of look like? Well, it has your defense mechanisms in there, it has all of your darkness in there, it has all of those qualities, and within that is something you have evolved, and if you can go back into that, through the past, you see the future. Through the past you see what is, through the past you recognize what is important.

But if you only stay in the present, and you skim along, and you use the modern techniques and technologies of your consciousness as it’s evolved, you stay on the surface of things. And you may learn to have a little better life, that you can choose, but you’ve carefully extracted yourself away from those aspects of yourself that you consider toxic, a denseness that is toxic.

If you actually could take and you could go into that which is toxic, without becoming strange in the head, and strange in your reactions, in other words crack or flip out, if you could actually go into and look at this, you would be coming to the core of how it is, and why it is, that you are the way you are. 

In other words, the chemistry upon which you have been put together, you’ll come to the core of that. No one wants to do that. They like to be shown, and taught, and have things presented to them. And the kind of answers that have to do with going into the depths of yourself is like going backwards.

You always want to keep going forward, trying to find the lightness of things, but there is no going forward. There really is no going backwards, either. You have to hold the whole state of all of that, and therein lies the emptiness.

But if your propensity is to place your attention upon that which gives you a certain degree of comfort, or satisfaction, then you find yourself getting over the top and shallow. And if your attention is placed upon just pure suffering, just for suffering sake, you can find yourself so condensed, and so tied up in knots, that you’re kind of dumb in another way.

You heard this kind of echo where you didn’t want to accept the modern system of things, and so what are you left with? Going backwards into some sort of depth? You actually do solve things when you do that, but who can do that?

We always think we need to spin, but we are, at our core, a type of silence. And in that silence is this greater Whole capacity, which includes this whole aspect of something that is very, very dense as well. But if we’re spiraling out, and we’re using our certain energetic to spiral out, then we’re setting ourselves up for an equal and corresponding reaction in the other direction, which has to do with going into a type of pain and density.

So, who can take and hold a state of quietness and function from that? Because if you function with a level of excitement, in relationship to things as they’re coming together, then you can’t help but be going outside of your balance.

So how do you take and pull it together at an inner depth inside of yourself, without suffering, if you’re doing the other that reaches outward for its level of perceived balance? You can’t. You yo-yo.

So you have to find that core that’s still. What your dream was basically showing you is that in the doingness of things you have your ideas, and you go outside of yourself to try to resolve them.

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