The Barrier of Ego

ego-face-masksThis dream encapsulates one of the fundamental premises of a spiritual journey: we must let go of our ego identity to reconnect ourselves with God and creation. It describes a situation where, on the surface, one person is so caught up in themselves that they are unable to ask for the help they need, when a willing person is right there to help. We all have these experiences in life. It’s a perfect analogy to our relationship with God and the grace of the universe: we need to let go of our separateness and ask for the help that is waiting there for us. (At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)

John: It’s almost like there needs to be a type of process upon which something settles out in order for me to catch the dreams. At least I ponder that, because when I go and I meditate and I come back, it’s almost like if anything, I touch something in a way so subtly that there’s too big of a gap to turn all of that into a dream or something that I can hold onto.

And if I do, it can be deeper. But the danger exists of having nothing. But in this particular instance, where I thought that I was waking up with something that was bizarre, and then I laid back and I realized that I was looking at something, and there actually was something there, that I better play with that.

And usually when it’s like that, sometimes that can be extremely deep, especially if it’s something that correlates, or relates, backwards in time, to when one was going around doing things in the outer, and didn’t have an understanding, other than just doing what you do, stabbing yourself, doing all the things that you do, and one didn’t have the understanding to look at what one was doing and see what that implicated, in terms of the other side, which is what you were doing in your dream.

I guess, in a way, what this is requiring me to do, in terms of seeing what it is that is meant to be seen, in terms of the action from the other side, or other deeper part of yourself.

So in this dream, I’m in a county treasurer’s office looking at the tax rolls. It seems like there’s somebody else with me, who’s just hanging out or something, but actually is a little more social.

And everything that is there, has it all tumbled together. In other words, there are the paid taxes and the delinquent taxes. I’m in a state that doesn’t want to speak my need or something, so I’m only interested in the delinquent taxes. Deep down I know that this treasurer probably knows that, but it’s up to me to say that. 

Instead I just keep tumbling through this book which has it all jumbled together. It’s a needle in a haystack. Off to one side I can see the treasurer as if she’s there, a very nice lady, observing what I am doing, and she has this sympathetic look. 

She probably knows who I am as a person from long ago, as some sort of memory, and it’s a memory of me being a person who goes through delinquent taxes. Yet here I am, going through this whole great big roll instead of succinctly the delinquent taxes.

And I have the sense she is aware that I am not connecting as directly as I seek, and I just don’t have the inertia inside to ask for help. I try to find what I need. In other words, I just fumble about as if I’m going to find what I need on my own, as if it’s going to just magically appear. 

Consequently, in the dream, I am not looking at the list of delinquent taxes, nor am I sorting out from the delinquent taxes, because first of all, you have to get to the delinquent tax list and then from that is what you sort out as the taxes which I’m able to work with. 

In other words, some of them are delinquent, but there are those that you can then take on and work with and incorporate, as some aspect that can involve you. Instead I seem to be relying upon a latent instinctual memory that is ungrounded. 

In other words, it’s a memory that I have done this sort of thing in the past, and so I’m feeling a certain quality inside that I tend to hold onto these days, and it’s a certain freedom within the breath. It’s a certain lightness. 

It can exist as a spaciousness that’s separate from the way things are densely in the outer, and so, as a consequence of being like that, I don’t reach beyond this spiritual, illusionary, limitation and ask for help. 

It’s as if this is going against my dense ego nature, which likes the suspense because I’m invoking a curiosity – but who gives a shit about that? I’m there to go directly into something and figure it out. And so by not doing it, I suffer and beat myself up, expecting what I feel I am entitled to and that this will somehow come to my attention. 

So I probe around in the tax roll book, which is huge, almost endless, as if I will somehow intuitively be able to stumble upon what I need – a blind faith which clings to the separation instead of letting go.

And what it feels like in the breath is a floaty sensation in which the breath is high in the chest and, when it’s like that, it’s a type of ungroundedness that prevails. I know from deep within that there is an ancient memory which has, in the past, connected with life. 

I also have the sense the treasurer would like to help me, that she feels sad for me in some way. I need to ask for help. I can’t seem to bring myself to do that, so I hang out in this off-the-ground imaginative, not penetrating the barrier.

So the meaning of the dream is that the condition I am experiencing within, is separate energetically from my surrounding environment. I’ve chosen to make it that way, and I am not taking an inner vibratory quality directly into creation. 

I’m hanging out with the vibration in kind of an ungrounded way, which is a waste of time. Until I figure out how to touch creation, a barrier exists. My energetic, or whatever it is that I carry, or the space that I’m coming from, intrigues the treasurer, because I can see her off to one side kind of wondering what she can do. But she can’t do anything if I act like everything is copacetic.

I know that this is an energetic that I’m carrying, which requires a more direct connection for it to work. But, like I said, I just choose to maintain a mystique rather than make a proper contact with her.

The treasurer, in this instance symbolizing creation, is a service to those who can speak their need. I need to let go for this to happen, and I, to not do so is a situation in which a heart-to-heart relationship is lacking. To break through the barrier is a two-way process.  

She has a responsibility and I have a need. I mean, she has a responsibility to the county, to the bigger picture. She has a responsibility for the taxes to be paid. She has a responsibility to the services of the overall county.

And I have a need in that my little role plays a tiny, tiny part in that process. But nothing can happen if I am unable to let go of the mystique I carry aloofly. If I were to let go I would have access to a linkage which is currently lacking.

Instead I look around thinking I will find this connection in some sort of entitlement manner. I have gotten spoiled because I was allowed to have a taste of that sort of thing, as a gift. Such a windfall that was bestowed long ago is no longer provided in this way.

I am required to close the gap now. The gap exists because I have gotten used to preferring the barrier. At one point I could jump through the barrier. The sensation is that creation feels for me, yet I remain righteously separate.

I am able to receive from creation when I drop the aloof energetic sensation – by just letting go. This connection occurs when the heart is receptive to what creation has to offer. I am able to access the vibration that creation needs, but to help creation a heart-to-heart connection is required.

The purpose of this dream is to show me the stab to the heart, which separates me from an aspired connection. As long as the separation pain exists, I am not closing the gap. The barrier is ego. 

This is a demeanor that seeks exclusivity, so I suffer and am unable to receive. The danger of being like this is the losing of the gift of giving. This is a gift that exists in the space that is separate from the delusion of an ego self that sees itself as separate.

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A Force Upon Life

h-fractalIn this dream, Jeane witnesses an average person defeat a more powerful foe. Like in the story of David and Goliath, physically the match was lop-sided. Yet when anything happens in the physical realms, the question to ask is, “What caused this to happen – energetically?” When we begin to understand and experience life from the level of causes rather than results, we bring ourselves closer to the forces of the universe that affect all things. (At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)

Jeane: All I really remember of the dreaming last night was a scene I was looking at. It felt like it was in Mexico. And this peasant, who wears white, an older man, too, he had defeated and killed this really powerful, kind of evil, or bandit type, general. 

And I’m studying his energy to see if there’s an energetic about him that can be used to defeat that kind of energy, or if it was just a fluke, and if it can just be done energetically.

John: This is like jumping over the top of an appearance in order to realize that what occurs in the outer, or as something that has a description or a definition to it, as if that has to do with something else driving it from some other level of being.

In other words, you see a general and he gets stopped by somebody that should not be able to do anything, right?

Yeah, it’s more like a fluke because this guy is all powerful, and then this peasant is a nobody. And so when you see this, you are basically wondering inside yourself, what is that energetic that enables that to happen? Because that doesn’t occur very often.

And yet what occurred there was important, and it was meaningful, and it’s something that you would like to understand better. And so you’re trying to distill this into the vibrational energetic that can do something like this.

In other words, was it just a fluke, or was it actually an intended flow based upon an energetic that is meant to be? You’re trying to distill that so that you can link to it and connect to it, outside of outer conditions. In other words, you know if you were just looking at it from the standpoint of the outer, and the outer has so many variables in it, and seem so spread out, and seems to cover so many things, and they go this way and they go that way, if you’re looking at it in that sense it’s like a needle in a haystack.

But you somehow know that what occurred there, has to do with something that made that possible, and you somehow know that that’s a vibration or energetic, and you know that if you can find that, if it’s a thing that can be found, then it breaks the delusion of things happening in some sort of random, peculiar way.

In other words, it shows that you have a sense that inside you there is a connection to a consciousness that flows from within, and that deep down you know that the sense of what occurs in the outer is correlated to a consciousness that is meant to flow from within.

And so you’re following this so-called thread of the event back into yourself to try to distill that state, that vibratory state, that is actually part of you. That’s actually a station, if you can get there, because once you make that kind of linkage connection then that sort of thing is part of your being in a regular way.

In other words, it just will flow through you. There’s a lot more to the subject here. I mean, in order for that to work you have to lose yourself, because as long as you have an appearance that looks back at yourself and takes some sort of ego viewpoint, then that interrupts that process from unfolding like that. 

But your dream doesn’t force you to dwell upon that. The dream just points out that some part of you kind of gets it, that all kinds of things are possible that don’t ordinarily make sense because there is this sort of thing, from some depth somewhere else, that is a force upon all of life.

That’s the creative aspect, or the creator, or God or whatever we would like to call it, that we don’t have a connection to as long as we invoke ideas that hold us separate.

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Mission Impossible

Within-the-EmptinessIn this dream scenario, John finds himself in one of two rooms. He is in the empty room, while the other holds a vicious dog. These two rooms can be seen to represent the inner and outer worlds. Can the two worlds interact safely? The challenge of a spiritual journey is to maintain the inner emptiness, while having involvement with the chaos of the outer world. (At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)

John: In the next dream it starts off in which there are two rooms, and a door separates the two rooms from each other. And I am in a room that is empty except for my presence, and in the other room, in which the door is closed, is a vicious dog that is out of control.  

As long as I remain where I am at, there’s nothing that can affect me, because the door keeps these two places separate. I’m suddenly made aware of the dog in the next room, as if the door is cracked open or something, or I can see through the door. 

I can see that the dog is out of control in his eagerness to tear someone, or something, to pieces. The dog lacks focus and attention in terms of how to channel this energy. The dog is in such a pent up condition that, because there’s nothing directly in front of it to channel this pent up nature, it’s going catatonic attacking the floor, chewing on the floor.

The meaning is that a turbulence exists that I do not have to directly invoke. I’m able to see this from within and, because of this inner consciousness, I am able to see what lies ahead. In other words, in terms of the lower self of one’s nature, or the density of something in creation, you can actually start to see how something is intended to unfold.

And you see it from this empty room space I am in, in which there is this inner space that is able to note energetically what lies ahead. And because you’re noting it pre-manifestation, you’re noting it in a way that is before a manifestation in which you’re in front of something there that can tear you to pieces. 

When I shift to a state that is between the two worlds, I’m challenged to reconcile both conditions, both states, the state where there’s the emptiness, and then the state where there’s something that is totally out of control.

I see the empty space I have within or, in other words I can feel the empty space I have within, and now I am put in a position as to whether I can take that as an awareness into a world in which everything is being torn to pieces.

If I am consumed by the mad dog outer, then the inner state where there is a quiet aliveness and aloneness, and peaceful abeyance, is going to be lost. In other words, you have to hold that at the same time that you’re able to go into the upheaval. So can I handle both? 

That is the mission that is impossible, if I’m not able to work with both states simultaneously in order to create a shift in the flow. From this dream I’m meant to realize that the shift has to be from a depth within where nothing exists yet, in an outward capacity.

So I have to use this empty space to bring through a vibrational shift, which acts upon the focus, attention, and energetic mannerisms that currently predominate. In other words, instead of those continuing to live out, and they have a life and a manifestation that they will continue to keep unfolding and reflecting and spiraling, in order to deal with that, one has to get to a point where that is all absolved in terms of how something comes across or comes through.

In your particular case, that sort of thing that you’re confronted with would be absolved through the vacuum cleaner, which is able to come into the room and make sure that the space stays empty. Because it’s only if the state stays totally undefiled and empty, is it possible for you to be able to link to, and connect to, the energetic flow from within that needs to be brought forth into life.

But if you perceive something as being too much, or reject that, then whatever you go into in terms of a condition, or an outer state, of yourself, whatever you go into is going to be taking that out of control, or dog animal, energy of yourself, which can have a loyalty, but is still deluded and is still deluded by having to respond to the outer conditions – as if those outer conditions exist independently of you.

You can do it all from this empty space, but who can sit in this empty space?

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