Hiding From Oneself

camouflage-yourself-yoon-chung-hanWhen we consider that all the characters in our dreams are some aspect of us that we are trying to relate to, or connect with, or even grapple with, the meaning of Jeane’s dream image comes into greater focus. The scenario finds her hiding from John, which prevents her from making an inner connection that she needs to make. That separation then leads her to not be quite herself, i.e., she begins to try on clothes that aren’t hers.

(At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)

Jeane: My first dream last night, it’s like I’ve hidden out from you, and you may even think I’m dead or I’m gone, but I’ve hidden out in this room that has a bunch of bleachers. Since you’ve come into the room I’ve gone and hidden behind some of the bleachers, and I don’t think you’ll see me, but you happen to have two German Shepherd guard dogs with you.

So they come running over to me behind the bleachers, but they just lick me. It’s not like they’re behaving like mean guard dogs or anything. They just run over and lick me and I think that maybe you won’t come over because the dogs aren’t causing a fuss.

But you do see me. Now, you thought I was completely gone, but now you know that I’m back. Then we decide that we have to escape from whatever forces are that we had run from in the first place, or I’d run from in the first place. 

The next chore seems to be to just find some clothes. There are some bags with some clothes on them, and I can have blouses and things, but I’m trying to find some pants that fit. And then it’s like I’m trying to get you to move a little faster, too, that I feel like we have to get out of there or these other forces will come in and find us. 

That’s all I remember from the initial dream.

John: So the reason you’re hiding behind the bleachers is that you feel you need to remove yourself from everything around you, right, including me?

Jeane: Well, and you think I’m already gone, so I’m hiding so that you don’t know that I’m not gone – but that does not work.

John: That’s interesting. So what you’re doing is you’re using me in this whole thing as a person who holds a position of belief, and I’m in the open in a way that creates a separation in your eyes.

Because first of all you’re pulling yourself away from something else, and in doing so, it causes what you think is a belief by me that you have created a separation, which you choose to leave as is.

I’m wondering, what is this? It’s kind of like a resigned denial. In other words, you have a reason to hide from whatever the forces are that are bothering you, that are afflicting you, and this puts you in a position that is even separate from my perception, which is a perception that you see as being a particular way, that you feel is wrong, or presumptuous.

And because it’s like that, you even hide from that, thinking that I won’t have any ability to see you for where you’re actually at. And there’s a connection and a linkage that exists, or a loyalty, that is represented by these two dogs that bridge the gap to a closeness. But the dogs are quiet about how they are, even though they run up and know immediately where you’re at and how you are, and I never do figure that out do I?

Jeane: No, you come over because you’re going to go look and see what the dogs are doing.

John: So I do come over. So then when I come over then that puts us both into having to contend with the situation together.

The theme of the dreaming last night was things that we do, in other words pointing out a thing that I do, that cuts me off from being in a place where I’m in sync, where everything is in order, where there is an accepted natural flow.

If that’s the theme of the dreaming, then in your dream you’re seeing yourself react or do something in a way that nearly breaks a linkage, and it’s a kind of linkage that provides a type of support in terms of being able to deal with something together.

You carry this quality of holding something to yourself that is a trait that I carry, only I carry it more straightaway. I don’t even allow something into the equation. You allow something into the equation, but then, after allowing something into the equation, then you go into your own state in front of all of that.

In other words, you almost defeat the purpose of having allowed something into the equation, because then when you’re confronted directly in terms of the effect and impact that it has upon your being, you hide, or go away, from even that. And having opened and allowed something into the scenario, which functions as a friend, and as a loyalty, and a support… the question is, is the dream about whether you’re able to allow something like that in?

Are you resisting allowing something like that in? Are you doing something that still estranges yourself in some fashion? Because it suggests that there is something that you do that enables the issue to be addressed by both, by every part of yourself.

But I don’t know that the dream is convincing to you. I think you’re still left feeling that you’re out of place. Whatever’s going on is such that you’re trying to adopt a demeanor that’s more in keeping with me as in keeping with you.

When you’re in the bleachers you’re in a situation that can watch and observe something. And then when you go away and you go into a room and adopt a demeanor that’s more in keeping with a concern that surrounds your identity in terms of me. It sounds like that’s still a type of disorientation.

It sounds like you’re grappling for something to make sense. It seems like you’ve adopted the idea that you can be in the bleachers and observing or looking out over the bleachers, but you’re actually hiding in the bleachers, and you’re actually hiding out from things being able to reach you.

It’s not like everything is coming together in an order that pulls things together for you. It’s like you’re having to try on things that aren’t necessarily yours. It’s like a type of strange scrambling.

What I’d say needs to happen is that the dream to have a different kind of balance would involve you being able to be in the bleachers observing what is going on, and not having some mannerism that causes you to have to hide – and hide from parts of yourself.

In other words, when you are forced to have to confront a part of yourself that you shut off at the same time that you’re reacting, in terms of your hiding, when that part then is taken back into the equation, you start grappling with trying on something else that doesn’t belong to you, as if the wearing of those pants can satisfy the situation.

It’s an energetic dream that leaves one feeling with a kind of discombobulation, or being out of place and out of sync, with what is intended or meant to flow. And so the dream is stressing that, which means that the cancer and stuff like that is something like that then, too.

It’s an example of that in the body of being somehow out of place, and out of sync, with something that is meant to flow, or come through you, in terms of a certain kind of opening up or awareness.

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