Shattered Expectations

expectationsIn this dream, John is attending an event, something where the schedule is completely laid out in advance. Yet nothing unfolds according to that plan, and the situation cannot be anticipated or prepared for. This causes him stress and confusion. This image can also be seen as a reflection of life in the outer world today, where everything unfolds in unexpected ways. It seems the only way to adapt to changing times is to be able to flow with them.

(At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)

John: The dream starts off where I’ve established a place, in other words it’s like I’ve gone to some event that’s like a program event. It’s put on in a big way, where there are lots and lots of seats and sections and stuff like that.

And there’s an area in which I’m able to sit, and that’s my seat at this program for a week. And it’s a seat that’s important because, even though there are other things going on there, that seat’s important because someone gives a talk at noon everyday.

This starts off this way where there’s something like that that’s just provided like that, in a basic way, and you can just kind of plug into that as a pattern. Because when I put my coat there on the seat, that then guarantees that that’s the spot then, and I don’t have to be all that concerned about where I’m meant to be. 

That’s going to be my spot for the program, the whole week or whatever that this is going to be going on. But then something changes. It’s as if a pressure is applied upon how things are to occur, and I can even see, as if in my sleep, I can even see this because I’m concerned about the pressure of the way things are, and I can see this grid map of a layout of what will transpire in the near term. 

Somehow I already have an anticipation of what it could be, and I sense how and where and what is breaking down or something, but until it’s factual or actual I just go along. But then the pressure of my perception, in terms of looking at this, because I see things as if they’re laid out even on a grid, as to where everything is, and that’s a little bit shocking to me. And so it causes me to be left just staring and staring, as if in disbelief, that what I perceived has actually happened. 

In other words, in staring and staring at it, I guess I’m drawing the measure of whether the perception and, to the degree to which it corresponds to the inner in my bones sensation of this sort of thing, to what degree they correspond. But in any event, the fact that it has become what it is, which is a complete shift from what had been a normal unfolding. 

In other words, I had the sense of something, and then it occurred, and it occurred almost like as a rude event in the midst of this program. And so it shocked my sense of self, and it disrupts the unfoldment, the program, which means that the next day on which the teacher was scheduled to talk at noon doesn’t happen. And so I find myself then waking up the following day in my room, and I’m just not in sync to know what to do, how to even dress. 

I’m impacted by the change, but what change? I don’t know what we’re talking about anymore. And so I have this question: Do I put on my regular jeans that are just common regular day-to-day jeans, or do I dress up with my dress pants, as if the noontime event is going to happen this day, even though I don’t know if it is or not. 

I’m confused and do not know what is meant to be, or what is scheduled, or how it’s going to unfold anymore. Like I mentioned at the beginning, I had placed a coat on a seat to reserve my spot, and that spot then would be something I could just not have to think about because it would be there for the entire week. 

But because of something that jolted this whole thing in the middle of the process of the week, now everything is jumbled up in that there wasn’t a program the other day, and I seem to have a memory of this whole section in which my seat is somewhere in this section. It even got roped off, as if it were made off limits. 

So I don’t know what to make out of what to expect, in terms of the changes. I ask a person, because to begin with I’m by myself in my room, but I ask a person who either comes to my room or is suddenly there, or maybe he’s an attendant or something, if my jacket is still on the chair. 

He has the impression that maybe either he or I both have this question in my mind, so my question is somewhat of a wonder who has the question, whether the coat has been picked up and put in the reception area, because this section has been roped off or something. And so if that is so, I wouldn’t know how to find my seat, in other words because I’m realizing that this is starting up, this is going to happen anytime today.

And it does seem that after all of this, that section there is now going to be available for sitting because you have to have it all available. And I don’t know how to find my seat because I’ve lost my memory of where it is in the section. It’s as if this disorientation affect over all that has occurred, has caused me to short out, and I have to find another kind of clarity because I’m so discombobulated from the unfoldment of events that I don’t think I can find the seat that is for me – in a particular section of the whole. 

In other words, I have this issue. Where I put my jacket of course, because this is roped off, there’s a good chance my jacket is not going to be there. And if it was, I would be able to find the seat, and if it’s not there I still have that seat, but can I find it? 

I can still go there, now that this has opened up again, but given the sequence of events, and what has shifted me, I don’t know if that’s going to be with or without a jacket, and if the jacket is removed I have no idea in how it is, like I said, I’m going to find it.

So I ask this attendant who is suddenly there like he is assigned to help me in my room or something, that if the noontime event is to happen, if my jacket is still on the seat, and how am I to pick it up if it was removed, and where do I stand? And he says as he leaves that he is going to have to ponder that.

So the meaning is: expectations have been shattered. The shock has affected my sense of self. I cannot rely on how things have been. Nothing is certain in the outer. In spite of all of that, I still have a seat, but haven’t the foggiest idea of how to find it.

I would like to think that everything will be in some sort of understandable order, but I’m told that how I traverse this no-man’s land is still being pondered. A deeper meaning is that I have a fear of losing the path. The fear is compounded by changes in the outer that cause me to short out when the expectations are taken away.

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