Behind a Wall

-behind-the-wallIn these images, John finds himself in an arena, very close to the stage – yet sitting behind a wall. He can hear, but he can’t see anything. As we develop our inner life and connections, we must continually become conscious of the aspects of outer life that we hold onto, because they all create veils to our truly being able to see. (At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)

John: The first thing that happened was, during the meditation, what I noted inside was that I was kind of close in timing to things inside of myself. In other words, it’s like whatever was unfolding it was like there wasn’t much of a gap. It wasn’t dead on in terms of the timing, but it was close, whatever that energetic was like that unfolds on one level as if I’m on another level.

Instead of dwelling with that, or writing it up or something, I slipped off into another state inside and, after two and a half hours, what I now see and learn is that I’ve fallen way behind the timing of the two places. Somehow or another I don’t know quite what to make out of that, other than something is out of congruity in some fashion, based upon the way that I’m making an effort, or struggling in some fashion, holding onto something.

And that’s even reflecting and being seen in the dreaming, that there’s some tone there.

And this kind of carries forward in the first dream in that there’s a program being held. It’s kind of like maybe an outdoor program or something with a stage, or it’s a hall that’s set up that’s awkward in shape, and you have to get your seat automatically – almost like in a snap the seats get gobbled up. 

Well, I end up with a seat. Most seats are gone immediately. I end up with a seat that’s fairly close to the stage, but it’s behind a wall and so you can’t see. You’re close. You can hear things, but you’re behind a wall where you don’t actually see the speaker. Others that are there indicate that it was like that for them before, as if this is a regular occurrence.

And then I stand back and see how huge this area is, and how close I actually am, but behind a wall, and there are other seats that go way, way, way back, and I suspect that they must see, but it’d be just a distant speck, but at least they could see something. And I, right behind a wall, can’t see anything and would have to be in a space in which one heard, and took in, and it didn’t matter.

So I was sitting there pondering if I could hold on to the energetic only, because maybe that was all that it needed to be about, was that energetic – didn’t have to be something visible. 

And I guess that would be the same thing in the theme, or the note, that was set for the dreams: how do I hold onto an energetic in relationship to something that drifts? Like meditating for a certain period of time I hit a certain state, and then I drifted for another hour, and then what I noted when I came out of that was I was even further away for some reason than the continuity of things on a correspondence. 

And so it’s like the theme is, how do I catch up with, how do I denote that part that can have this little wayward drift to it? 

And then at this program was a guy who went around and, first of all, everybody got nacho chips. They’re sitting, waiting for something to happen, and so the nacho chips are passed out. And then he goes around with a bag of M&Ms, and not many people take M&Ms, but I go, oh what the heck, and I take a handful of M&Ms. And he kind of winks at me. 

Then somebody asks how things are going. And he says, “Oh, everything is okay except for all the lawsuits,” and so he indicates that the lawsuits top out in Wells County, New Jersey. He says there he has five lawsuits, one for each degree that he has.

And so then there’s the dream in which I’m affected by someone, as if I have to find them because they took something or something like that, and they’re wearing yellow, is what I know. In that dream I knew at one point in time what it was that I had as a grievance or concern, in terms of just needing to find that person, whether it’s actually a grievance or just needing to find that person, and so I suppose it can feel like a grievance, but in any event it was needing to find that.

So what all the dreams have in common is some sort of out-of-linkage. It was kind of like a hint or a precursor as a kind of resolution or answer to being able to shift in some fashion from a condition that I’m in. I know in the hall my condition was such that I was constantly on the lookout for even the ability to move the chair up a row even, but what did it matter? You just pinched up behind this wall.

So I had that awkwardness as a consequence of carrying a certain kind of thrust to my energy inside, a certain quality of which I felt myself, and those mannerisms keep me behind a wall. So I’m behind the wall and I’m plagued by everything being okay, except for everything about whatever quality it is that I carry that I consider as something that I can lean on that has a value or something that one can purport as useful or important as a crutch, is under a type of assault, which means that whatever station or state that you have, is challenged, is affected.

It’s almost like there’s a game against it, because one holds onto that degree of themselves and that has to change. And it can have this lighthearted nature, and that has something to do with a type of clutchiness, because the chips passed out are okay, but no one pays attention to the M&Ms that he’s passing out except for me. I’ll take the M&Ms, like “why not?” kind of thing.

You have to be careful what you partake of. What you have here is a vibe, a vibe of comfortability or something, or being able to find a quality, or go into a mannerism of satisfaction to settle back, as if something is suitable, like the M&Ms are a suitable thing, the nachos are a pacification thing. It’s still behind the wall. 

One is still, in terms of whatever it is that they think they’re holding onto, is still under assault, every quality that they think that they have is attacked. And what was interesting is, in terms of knowing how to properly experience, that is useful in terms of their well being because it’s in Wells County, New Jersey.

And New Jersey is a state in which everything, as far as I can tell, clamors to reach a particular stature. In other words, the judges and the top courts clamor to make it to the U.S. Supreme Court as an appointee – everything clamors for a stature. So it’s as if everything there is in a stage of progressing, but the progress that’s made is just a little off because there’s something missing on an orientation level.

That’s just not what it’s about. Everything that I do that propels myself a little bit is just not what it’s about. The sense of all of this was this is a carving down dream to try to create a type of humbleness, or letting go, in that how something is unfolding, and what is unfolding and whatnot – one can’t indulge in that either. 

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