Staying Within

innerstrengthHow does a person stay within themselves? It’s a great challenge in a world that doesn’t support real individuality. In John’s dream he is confronted by this issue, and he betrays his own knowingness to be a part of the “game.” Of course, he realizes immediately that the process can have no useful outcome, and he should have listened to his inner voice. (At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)

John: I have this dream where I’m moving along and I see ahead of me and I come across what’s like a kind of pickup basketball game. 

In other words, it’s played outdoors and what I’m observing as I’m walking up to it is the two sides are imbalanced. One side is much better than the other side. The imbalanced players look at me as if I’m someone that is willing to play. 

And I look at the situation and feel that there is more work to be done. So my idea is to shoot the ball around and basically work on the basic skills. But that’s not where they’re coming from. They’re bored, that to them is work, they just want to play, and are willing to disregard the fact that they don’t even know what they’re doing. 

They’re not matched up properly, lack the skills to even begin to hold their own, plus it’s like as I show up there’s like a player or something must have dropped out or something happened because, if we were to play, we would be four on one side against five on the other side. And the other side has all the skilled players.

And I know that to act as if one can actually play the game with some sort of intention of making the game important, like trying to win or something, is just a total waste of time. However because they refused and don’t seem to have any interest and longing to work on the sport, in terms of developing the skills, or shooting around or something, so to keep from being a spoil sport I acquiesced, and say, “Well, okay, whatever you want to do.” 

In other words, I laid out what I thought one should do, but whatever they want to do, I’m okay too. I’ll just go along. The person that’s interested in me for playing is addicted to doing what is foolish, in other words, to go up against and play in something that is just going to be frustrating because there are even two players on the other side that are taller and the other side is more athletic and they’re even physically stronger.

And so we do this and the one I am teamed up with just grabs my hand, so I have one hand to play with, and he stares at me as he holds my hand so I can’t naturally move very good. What am I going to do, because this whole thing is a joke to begin with? 

But when I took and decided to play, even though it was ridiculous, I bought into the idea. Once I bought into it, now I’m trying to play and am frustrated, and now I, too, am lost in trying to make something work out, when nothing can possibly make sense. In other words, this isn’t even a way of being.

What tripped the dream I guess is the experiencing of the sensation that there are moments in time when that which doesn’t make sense is able to cope. The dream’s image portrays this mannerism as if it’s a basketball game. There’s nothing to learn and nothing to prove.

The scenario right from the start is just a goofy setup. It’s something you imagine and then try to pretend that it’s meaningful. Who am I to think that I can get away with that? I know better.

Even though it never does feel right, you always know that it is what it is, but I find myself defying the knowingness. I go along imagining that the scenario is more real, in some capacity, and try to make this work out.

Instead, I lose the sense of what it means to work with a completeness that is natural to my nature, and get lost in the moments when there is an idea, or conceptualization, of trying to do something instead of staying in a condition that is more deeply within, and that that deeply within is a connection that is intertwined, when everything flows.

But then when you jump out of that, then you find yourself in all kinds of peculiar setups. So, in the dream, to enjoy the process and not keep thrashing falsely about, as if I’m able to play the game – I need stop. I need to stay with what I knew, and was carrying and was holding before I bought into this, because deep down I know better.

To download this file, Right Click (for PCs) or Control Click (for Macs) and Save: Staying Within

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