Continuing the theme from yesterday’s dream (see Staying Within), John has a dream that reinforces the message: When we think we can control events in outer life, we get disconnected from the natural flow. It’s the issue of seeing life as a personal experience or seeing oneself as part of a Wholeness. Ultimately it is our choice to include ourselves in creation, or to exclude ourselves by opting for a personal, separated experience. (At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)
John: And then there’s another image which portrays that I am not settling back and simply appreciating what there is. I seem to think I can defy the obvious.
For example, there’s an anthill that lies before me. I decide to step on the anthill, the idea being to see if I can step on it, and then remove my foot quick enough to keep the ants from getting on the shoe.
And so I do this, and what I observe takes me by surprise. Instead of ants, as I expected, I had picked up a lot of real small germ-sized objects that are alive. In other words, that’s what you do, you contaminate yourself in ways that create another kind of delirium. Of course that’s obvious.
The meaning is, when you know that there is a particular way that one is able to immerse themselves in life, but choose instead to do something different in defiance, generally it’s your own idea of an aloneness or piece of separation. The result is going to be a contamination.
And often times it’s unanticipated, and what I mean by unanticipated in this case is that in thinking that you know how something is going to unfold and then when it unfolds different you tend to now be in a state of bewilderment.
You’ve gone from a state where you knew better, to a state of thinking you can goof around, to all of a sudden a state of bewilderment when the oddities are different than expected, when the reactions are different than expected. Instead of getting ants on my shoe where I can stomp them off, I got just little bitty things that actually move, that are like an aliveness, and you don’t shake them off as easily as you would an ant. It’s heavier.
So the alternative to purposely struggling, is to accept the Wholeness and not defy, or seek to impose, one’s way over the intended order of things. This still seems to be too quiet for me. I prefer stirring things up.
My condition is simply not appreciating what is there in the overall. The mannerism I choose to invoke is also pointing to something deep within that is trying to get my attention. In other words, whenever you act up, there’s something else that’s causing it, there’s something else working inside of you that is sitting there as if you’re bored or frustrated or something.
In other words, you don’t just do antics for the sheer sake of doing antics, deep down there’s actually something behind all of that, and a person carries on instead of being at ease because the sense of inner Wholeness is trying to get their attention, some aspect of it anyway.
This acting up is a way of trying to, I guess, see it in a peculiar bizarre way. You create the commotion and somehow or another that points to a depth within where there is the credence to the waking-up process, because that’s moving around in some fashion in your psyche. But because you’re misaligned, and because you’re out of twang, and because that energy is not something that you properly carry, you tend to shoot it off in this direction or that direction.
So as a result of this dream, I now know that whenever I see someone acting up in a way that seemed out of the ordinary, it might be a good idea to just settle back to see if I can recognize what is really moving around within, seeking to become conscious in a particular way, in some way or another.
If I can see that, I will know where they really are on a higher-self level. More than that, if one can see that and denote that, you connect to that, because that’s how life is. It’s all intertwined and interconnected. In other words, it’s one thing to focus your attention upon yourself and the antics that are going on, and then wondering why you have those antics. It’s another thing to take one step back from yourself and look at the antics of everything else going on around you.
Ultimately, if you can do that, and get even further removed from the personal by just watching and doing that, the next thing you know is you can’t help but see that things are interconnected.
So it is kind of like backdooring the process of catching up by way of noodling with the agitational characteristics that we keep taking on, over and over again, to see over and over again how they just go nowhere. You can’t go anywhere because you can’t take the flow and put it together in some particular manner – as if it’s separate from the flow. It’s just that it does have its wave action that undulates, but it all is in the flow.
I could include all of that as part of a greater overall unfoldment, where I could work with the light in some capacity that is in keeping with a natural way that something has been linked. My problem is I don’t necessarily accept the linkage. I feel self-conscious about it, or un-entitled or something.
Well, the dilemma of course for me, as shown in the dream, it’s a problem with the way the focus works, where the focus fractures or shatters a bit, or cracks a bit, and thus I am on an edge of myself where I lose the composure, and the edge I go over inside creates an unconscious flow that takes me on a tangent.
In other words, I have to work that off in order to be in sync, and as long as I have some sort of imbalance like this that keeps coming up, or occurs, or stands in the way, that imbalance has its consequences that create something as a mannerism in the outer that has to be dealt with.
I don’t know how to just naturally flow and do it, and let things be okay as they are. But if I dwell and think and ponder all of that, and try to orchestrate that, or dwell upon it, carry that as a vibrational mode, then I’m veiled from using the template of the dream meditation image.
I’m veiled from being able to make an even greater linkage that’s on the other side of all of that. That’s the reason why all of this is happening, why one has to go through this, and is going through this in the outer, is to go beyond this.
And this is a type of state in which one is crackable, and therefore breaks a cadence that holds something of a fabric together. Or another way of saying it is, the purpose of both dreams is to show me how it is that my demeanor eats away at how I feel about myself and the environment – because I am the environment.
In each instance I am being compelled to do something against my will, in other words, because I’m not taking on it as I need to take it on with the proper acceptance and letting go, and whenever I do something that has either the heebie-jeebies, or is against my will, problems arise from those projections or perceptions.
Those perceptions alter the world around me, because they exist and because I allow them to be there, because they are there, because I have a reaction or a heebie-jeebie. I lose the naturalness, then, of what my nature is all about in terms of how something is able to connect or flow through me evenly. And so when I get outside of my natural nature, and the way I’m meant to be at ease and in the rhythmic free flow no matter what the conditions are in the outer environment, when I fall into that…
In other words, it’s okay to see it, but you don’t go dwelling or get caught in it, and get all twisted by it, because you can see what it does to how things fall apart.
So, from the dream, I am shown that I do not maintain a balance when thrown askew by things that set off an inner commotion or reaction that is against how I carry myself. And so my reaction breaks down the focus and I go into a world of unconscious reactions or mannerisms.
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