A Precious Light

light-09The fundamental relationship between our earth-bound lower self, and our stars-bound higher self is the great struggle on a spiritual path. Yet what seems clear is that we don’t walk away from manifestation to embrace the light, instead we must bring the light of the higher self through us into manifestation. We do that by being in life, yet not of it, and it is a very high service indeed. (At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)

John: In my dream, I am like a college student, only I have graduated from college but I’m still continuing as if I’m a college student. And I’m working at the aluminum plant. This is like a reoccurring dream. In other words, I took a lot of focus and effort to spend all of my time going to school, and then when I had any free time to go out to the aluminum plant and make money so that I could afford the college because I paid my entire way going through college.

And so there’s always the question and the challenge of, are you going to make it, are you going to make it? Well, for some reason I have this inner trauma inside myself where the repeating part of the dream is, all of a sudden years and years later I find myself having graduated, but working at this aluminum plant. 

As if I went to college and then somehow or another whatever that amounted to just didn’t click or something because here I am working at the aluminum plant. And I don’t feel in place when I’m working at the aluminum plant. I feel like I should be moving on, but I can’t move on. It’s almost like I just don’t have the energetic to take the step or something.

So in this dream, it’s very similar, but it has a slightly different twist this time. I’ve graduated from college, not moving on into the world, holding this job way past the point in time when I should have quit, or realized I didn’t need it anymore because I’ve graduated from college.

So I’m not able to make something more of having this graduation. I’m hanging out, and I’m experiencing how awkward that feels because it’s like unable to take a step, and my boss doesn’t need me anymore. The job doesn’t need me anymore. Now that purpose has been served. I have served my useful purpose there, yet I remain.

And the boss is leaving it up to me to move on. In other words, he knows that I’m choosing to hang out a little longer, but he figures that I will eventually shift and take on and do what I need to do. In other words, it’s as if he should fire me, but doesn’t have it in him to fire me, so I just hang on and hang on at this job. And the longer I continue to work here, the more embarrassing it gets. 

Now, this boss is a friend of my father who has passed away, and out of respect for my father he keeps looking the other way, hoping I will move on, figure out that enough is enough. And I suppose if he dealt with himself more directly, or if you look at this more directly this is an energetic that’s strung out. 

So the energetics that exist that I am feeling are both east/west and north/south. Now, to take a step and move on is a north/south use of energy. The holding onto my condition, which is no longer viable, has all of the ear markings of a person who has taken a step backwards. I see myself stuck – and it is embarrassing. 

In other words, I know I need to take a step, but I can’t take a step. I am feeling sorry for myself too. Thus, I am not functioning viably. I have lost a vital inner connection that I need to live as I am meant to be. Instead, I am clinging to a habituation. That’s what it’s like when you lose the light in terms of the north/south, and the east/west conditions get a hold of you.

The meaning of this is instead of settling back and maintaining the inner connection that has opened up within to fill me up, instead I have taken a step backwards and am acting as if I still have a right to do what has always worked long ago. Or, in other words, I’m trying to go into life, but there’s a fine line between going into life and perhaps taking on something that is just going to pain you and veil you more. 

And I clearly remember that period because it was a time in which I was under the clutches of my mind senses that manipulated how it was that I sifted and sorted about things. Instead of holding onto the heartfelt energy within, which is the true power, instead what I am doing is I am subrogating that inner heartfulness into an outer reflection. This is the same thing as transmuting inner wealth into outer riches. By that I mean there’s a whole school of understanding that if you see people with money it means they also have a lot of spiritual depth inside. They just are shut off from it. There’s a whole school of thought like that.

So such a process loses the linkage to the higher self. This reflective outer approach is hard on the heart. To get weighed down in this keeps me from taking a step. That step would be a north/south awakening to when I truly am somewhere. Not knowing better is the east/west energy I feel in my heart. In other words, you identify with that and you feel that.

Well the reason I describe it as north, south, east, west is I could feel the directions of it. There actually is a direction like this. As things kind of pass, they typically pass from left to right through you, through the heart, so that’s when it’s affected by things in manifestation.

So this vibration occurs when a person allows themselves to fall under the clutches of the outer, and to be affected by the conditions around a person is a strain upon the inner heartfelt light. And, of course, to get out of that you need to take a conscious north step forward, back into the light.

The east/west is a type of relating in which the sparks of that light are getting stripped or blurred, aren’t going anywhere. When you go into the north part of yourself it just keeps going and going and going and going, gets brighter and brighter or more and more. Things click and click. Things just well up.

But in the east/west you’re sitting there coping, which means you’re not sealed, or maybe the better way of saying it is you’re not holding the space. You’re emoting the energy, which is probably important, but then again, at one point you can completely drain yourself and get completely lost – so you have to have good auric space.

Well if I were to sum up the predicament I am in just from this, it wouldn’t be a pretty picture. The images of a person becoming drained or affected and going into this maybe with one condition, and coming out dumbed-down.

But what if that is my path? To be in manifestation bearing the heat and burden of the day, having to contend with east/west energy, running the risk of losing the light I need to take a more conscious and responsible step forward. Maybe that’s how it works. You have to go to the depths of yourself in order to go to the heights, and this is part of it, having to contend with the east/west energy.

Is this the separation I am meant to retain while simultaneously holding onto an inner link that keeps me informed about the illusion’s tentacles? Is this how the divine comes to recognize more directly the subtle forces in manifestation which are in need of this inner sight? Is this how I feel my true inner need and offer it up to a creator that has everything else?

Perhaps that is what it is about, that I am a spy who gets right into the crime, and the crux, of things, recklessly challenging my heart to stay true as I risk putting my conscious light-hearted beingness on the line. The sound and fury around me threatens to usurp this light.

Well, it does. It doesn’t just threaten it, it does. Or to say it another way, I appear to be a person challenged to touch life right down to the ghetto of it all. To do so I feel a lot of east/west heebie jeebiness that is like a foreboding ominousness. I am in the midst of change as this is measured into manifestation. East/west measures it in.

Can I do this without going into a delirium, which loses the inner awareness needed? I remain conscious so that I am able to discern from the inner overallness the heartfulness that needs to come into manifestation.

While getting pounded by east/west energy, you tend to get bewildered because you get dumbed-down and you lose the connection to something that has a greater acuity from all of that, a greater speed. North/south energy, like the breath, it’s vibrant but it is kind of in a state that clings.

Well, you have an amnesia between the two, the east/west and the north/south that are like a deep echo by which they don’t properly hear each other. The east/west energy associated with the patterns and mannerisms in manifestation’s day-to-day macrocosmic effect are the pictures I am taking in.

Yet as I take them in, each flash of the inner camera upon my lightbody soul, it doesn’t come in in an east/west way. That sort of thing tends to come in in terms of how I perceive because I don’t relate well with the in-breath part. I tend to see it coming in the other way.

So when I only can see it coming the other way that comes at the expense of this most precious light. The question that arises is, what is it that is important to the divine that I do this? Or am I on a spiritual illusion going backwards. I don’t think so. I think it has to work this way.

To answer this question, I feel I am a soldier in this world of manifestation and get close to the east/west energy because that is how the light gets brought into life. The connection is north/south, but the implementation is east/west.

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