Blasted By the Light

blindbylightThis dream heads in the opposite direction of Jeane’s (see Into the Essence). Whereas she began with separate pieces that she was trying to bring together, John begins in a state of peace and radiance, yet as he moves toward outer life in the imagery, it all begins to fall apart. This issue is integral to any spiritual path, as we wrestle with letting go of our personal self to embrace our higher self. Balance must be regained each step of the way, as we introduce higher aspects into our daily living.

(At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)

John: In my particular case, my approach to doing something like this would be to start with the out-breath. 

I started out with a state of experiencing a type of peacefulness that just was expansive, in other words, starting like at some place high in the out-breath, before the out-breath has come down. And in this peacefulness it was like there was a sense, different than usual, I’m kind of covered by whatever it is that’s a type of imbalance that may happen, that has in the past happened to me, that would have me discombobulated. 

In this particular case, whatever would come my direction would actually sort itself out, almost as if I had reached a kind of cadence to where the path, or the expanse, or the radiance that I’m standing on tends to widen, not narrow. 

In other words, it doesn’t affect or hurt. In other words, what I’m noting up there is all the little things don’t mean anything. I handle them so well that they’re like a type of prima materia at this very high part of the breath. So much so that the resulting effect is like being flooded with light.

It’s as if there’s a prevailing presence that is shaping and directing something for my benefit. This is so apparent that I believe that this inner guidance is taking over my being more and more. I see myself noticing something that is simple, ordinary, and desirable as a condition, simply a matter for a kind of birthing. Which means that if you experience this totally in the outer it would throw you around, it would have you discombobulated, it would have you chaotically distraught. 

Instead it was almost like the auric condition of this high in the in-breath state was at a higher-self octave able to handle all of that other, so that any slight attention upon any quality that was changing didn’t throw me into any machinations or anything and, instead, it almost was like a type of prima materia that enabled me to see myself as able to expand or enjoy the road in a wider way. 

It’s like having an auric nature where everything bounces off, you can have that kind of state where you carry a kind of groundedness or something, or a kind of fullness, and no matter what negativity comes at you it all bounces off. In that condition and in that state that’s what it was like.

So essentially the time has come for me to acknowledge that the flow is simply more and more constant in my nature, which means it expands. When little things happen I actually can turn it around and make it into something. What can be seen is like being able to take something from afar and turn it into something more. 

The auric effect up there is wonderful. In other words, when you might expect a path to narrow, you know, based upon conditions of things, when you’re high on the breath and you’re affected by little nuances of things, it doesn’t cause the path to narrow and instead widens, making it easier to be at peace and be in a certain place inside yourself with your focus and attention. 

It’s like your focus and attention has reached kind of a pent-up inner unfoldment. So you have it undulating and unfolding as you go into this. I’m starting from there. All I’m really saying is that things readily evolve for me because my attention and focus are embracing the potentiality. This is noticing that the process follows me where I go. 

So this all sounds really good, but I started that way. Now when I start that way and I experience that more than what I’m capable of being able to experience, it’s almost like that’s too much light. It created a huge problem. 

When I came to bed some little bitty thought, or some little manner of coming and being slammed back down into the out-breath coming all the way down, some little thing came up and I could not shake it. I was spinning, and I laid for hours not able to sleep, thrown around by this stuff and it was horrible. 

I couldn’t put myself together. I experienced all of the reactivity and neurosis in my nature that you could possibly have when you have no connection at all. In other words, the flip side of the coin from being in that wonderful space, to now having what it looks like to be on the flip side where you have to immediately be able to let go of everything in order to bring that kind of a space all the way through.

And I’d been blasted by the light. I couldn’t do it. And so I had goofy image after goofy image that if you were to try to understand it’s impossible. Like for example I saw myself putting some lotion, a type of hand cream, on my hands, but instead this hand cream was like grape jelly or something that you would put on toast. And somehow or another this gets all over my pants. 

In fact, it was there before I even started to put the jelly on, you know, it was that discombobulated. And my pants got totally stained and there was no way I could take this off. Well, I try to get it out, and I suddenly realize I’ve got another neurosis issue to contend with because my brother was wondering what the heck’s the matter with me. I can’t be doing and carrying on like this. 

I have to go and it’s now five minutes to 1:00pm and there’s no way I’m going to get this out by 1 o’clock let alone five minutes to get to the first day of college classes, classes that I’m taking that I don’t need to take because I’ve technically graduated – but I can’t seem to move on. 

In the meantime I’ve got to get these pants off or something and put on a new pair of pants and that’s all over the place. And so this is really broken down. 

The first stage of a breaking down was where I tried to laugh it off. And so an earlier dream was where I saw a girl whose head was kind of laying on kind of a table and she’s sitting there, and another one lift her head up as if by lifting the head up she was going to prove that the two of them are connected. 

And one is a young girl, and one is an older woman or something. And when she lifts the head up the older woman says, “Well she just wants to be me.” And I laugh and laugh because it’s such an absurd, humorous, peculiar image. 

Well that was in between. In other words, that’s coming on down and that’s still holding some semblance, and then I fall into this other where I have another goofy image and I have to go, but how am I able to go because I have this drawer full of money and I haven’t put it away? I have to hide it somewhere and I don’t know how to do that. 

In other words, it’s like I’m busted into a bunch of pieces from having experienced the light to such a degree, that it was wonderful in experiencing it, but I can’t bring it all the way through into a balance. 

Like you, experiencing a state like this, something has been awakened from inside of you, and what’s been alerted or awoken inside of you kind of may hold you back a little bit, but you’re in the in-breath motion going to the state where everything is undulated and coming together in a kind of interesting greater cadence, cosmically speaking imagery-wise. 

In my case, I start off from a place that brings down the essence and seed thoughts and stuff that are in harmony in that spatiality that are wonderful, and actually if anything I can sit there and I can play with them, and play with them, and they just make my yellow brick road even wider, not narrower, because I have such an auric space where it’s all copacetic.

And then as I start to come down with this, and start to see something that is starting to affect me a little bit, I’m able to laugh it off to begin with, but before it’s over with when I come all the way down because I haven’t reconciled the two halves, the flip side of myself, what it’s going to look like now by comparison in the outer where you really have to let go. 

And I tried just to drop it, if I could just drop it I could drop it, but I couldn’t just drop it. And I’ve had this sort of thing happen before, and usually I could settle back and drop it, but in this particular case I was spun out in a Kundalini in an even worse way.

So the dream images I had simply depicted a state of chaos and confusion. Eventually I was able to settle back and get a little sleep and, in doing so, was able to let go and therefore be kind of naturally rebooted to a sense of balance.

I’m able to recognize how those dream images reflected my plight. The dream images are showing how I got busted up to such a degree. In other words, I experienced a lot in that space and now coming back down I have the problem in reverse. The slightest little thing that’s imbalanced and I go off and off and off and off and I just can’t shake it, I’m just haywire. 

It’s that kind of busted up into a collage of neurosis and woundedness flashing about, having consumed me so to speak, because I’m not energetically able to let go as a type of groundedness. And the dream images show that I lack the centeredness from which an awakening to a higher self, the higher self on the flip side, comes together. 

What is important is that I recognize that when I have dream images like this, and I remember them from the past and when I have them again, that I come to know that they are correlated to not being able to reconcile the inner and outer into the natural semblance that one is able to hold in terms of the inner and the outer coming together as one.

And so I guess you could say that as I reflect back I guess I would have to say that I have blasted energetically a bit off my rocker, but fortunately I get a little sleep and groundedness is restored.

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