What Do You Carry?

energy_reiki_healing_spiritual_baggageA vampire dream may seem cool or worrisome, depending on your perspective. Yet in looking at the deeper meaning of dreams, the question to ask is: what does it represent to me, the dreamer? In the example of this dream scenario, the vampire quality points to what is draining Jeane, or to what is affecting her in a way that prevents a greater fluidity in her life and journey. What we hold onto from the past, or ideas we have about our own identity can act as vampires to what we are trying to do in the now and in the future. (At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)

Jeane: So in my next dream, I’m living in a house with a group of other women. There’s even one woman who’s a little bit like a matriarch of the house, I guess you could say. 

And they all look really normal and actually quite pleasant but, as it happens, all of them are vampires except me – and they’re hungry vampires. But they don’t want to attack a housemate, so it’s made them very uncomfortable. 

I’m walking around there with my blood flowing through my veins, and so they all leave the house for a while to go do whatever they need to do because they haven’t fed for a couple of days. And I’m left there just with the housemother, and so I go there. 

She’s not really a housemother. She’s like my age, too, but she’s kind of the matriarch of the house. I go in to see if she wants to do something with me, but then I kind of look at her and I realize, I’m kind of putting her in a painful position, too, so I decide I better go out of the house myself. 

So I go out and I guess there’s a group that has gone down to exercise. It looked like my boot camp group so, even though I haven’t exercised for a long time, I go down to join them. But I get down there around the track and I’m maybe even carrying my exercise ball, and I feel like I can probably barely make it around the track once.

And one of the really vibrant people from the group comes up. She’s already been around ten times. I’m feeling a little hopeless about this. Anyway, that’s the whole dream.

John: The dream is portraying an image of, what is it that’s actually handicapped, and what is it that’s not? And it’s portraying it from the perceptions of the two halves, and it repeats itself. 

In other words, your sister is aware that she’s kind of the matriarch of the family, and she’d have it no other way. And to the degree that she lords that over everything, that makes her a little bit vampirish. 

And she’s also aware, for example, that in the schematic of you and your sister, that your dad looks at your sister one way in terms of how she is vibrant in her way, and he looks at you in terms of you carrying some other depth that reminds him of an intelligence, or quality, of your mother. 

Now, your sister might be a little bit bothered by that, because she has to be aware that that exists, but she’s not really that bothered because she’d have it no other way. She’s the matriarch.

And so it’s almost like you have a role reversal where there’s the part of you that thinks that you have to look out for the well being of your sister because she was a little handicapped or something. But in real life that, somehow or another, because she took on the matriarch, she actually feels that she has to look out for you. Just like she is aware of everything with everyone in the family, she’s aware of your condition. 

Like I say, she would have it no other way. And so, in a sense, the vampire quality that you described, which everyone has in this setting except for you, is this quality of indulgence that is taken on that one would have no other way, or believes that to be so. 

You have an independence in that because you don’t have to take that sort of thing on. And so you’re the exception in the vampire household. But does that make you entirely free? Because you have your concept of yourself, and you find that out when you take and you go outside into life. 

In other words, you don’t have this at a certain level of interconnectedness between the vampire-quality trait family scenario and yourself. You don’t have that as an issue there, but when you go outside what happens is is that the perception that you hold, and are okay with, which is part of your distinct self-image, has its handicaps in that how do you take that and bring that forth into the outer? 

You find that you still, even though you’ve let go of one, and are free in one way in a certain degree in the outer, you haven’t quite brought things all the way down, either. Because you may see yourself okay, and separate, and not affected by the vampire thing, but the very fact that you see yourself that way you carry and hold that, you hunker down with that, you isolate that as a part of your own sense of who you see yourself to be.

And that is a carrying of something, and that which you carry then limits you from being able to be as fluid as you could be. If you didn’t have that you would be even more fluid in terms of your functionality in the outer. 

It’s a very interesting dichotomy; it kind of repeated. It was, so to speak, at a grosser degree of influence on a certain level of interconnectiveness, like in the house or something, that involved your sister and the family and all of that.

You had kind of a freedom there, and a sense there that was okay, but not really because they still were distinguishable traits. And then when you went into the outer that distinguishable part that could go out into the outer then was handicapped.

What you’re doing is you’re describing and portraying something that cannot be resolved – except through the alchemical process. You could see this quality, mystically speaking, but you have to resolve it in an alchemical way. 

That which exists as thought patterns and mannerisms of appearance and characteristics between you and your sister, if carried that way instead of another kind of merging that can happen, or letting go that can happen, then that which is you that’s distinct from your sister then is limited by that when it goes down into the outer.

And, in this particular case, what are you doing when you are going down into the outer? You’re trying to make something happen, you’re trying to run, which is kind of somewhat creative. And anything that you carry from any kind of past that you hold onto in some fashion, to whatever degree that you hold onto it, it limits your ability to cause something to totally shift. 

It is still biased according to some mannerism that you carry and, for a shift to happen, there can’t be any mannerisms that are carried. That’s the alchemical twist to it.

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