An Unsustainable Position

ledgeA simple vacation with dad turns into a nightmare scenario of standing on a ledge nine stories up! Yet if we remember that we are all the characters in our dreams, we can view this imagery as a strained relationship between the masculine and feminine inside the dreamer. As the man finds himself alone, in a dire position, he pins his hope on a woman’s intuition. We each need to have balance in these aspects of ourselves for life to flow smoothly. (At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)

John: And so then I have this long dream. This is a really shocking dream. You’re going to have fun listening to this dream. 

You’re away, and I’ve taken a vacation with my dad. And we get a room together, and he has a bed on the far side of the room. While he’s out walking or doing something else, a woman that I know faintly from my long ago past, she’s not a very strong woman, she’s the type of woman that has all kinds of things going wrong in her life all the time, and she means well. 

She knocks on the door, and she has her young daughter with her. She’s obviously not married or anything, and her young daughter is probably six years old or something. She asks if she can come in and, the next thing I know, she has crawled into bed with me and is laying across my chest and fallen asleep.

And her daughter is still squirming about next to the edge of the wall of the bed, hasn’t fallen asleep yet. My dad’s returned, he’s in the other bed, and he’s looking over wondering: what the hell is going on? 

And obviously this is bugging him, and I’m trying to act nonchalant as if he’s supposed to, by osmosis, understand something, that there’s nothing going on between us. And I know that she’s probably homeless, and I’ve never confronted her with that or anything. I let her save face. 

And so, deep down I realize just what the appearances of this look like and what my dad must be thinking, and this whole thing is totally inappropriate, and he’s glancing over to see if she’s dressed or anything, but there’s no way of telling because she’s under the covers. 

And so, at some point, probably because he’s really peculiarized by this thing because this is totally uncharacteristic, he gets up and steps out. It’s like a little voice in me says that I need to do something different here. This is not going to fly. 

She needs to get in a place of her own somehow, because this just isn’t right. It’s setting off all kinds of strange reverberations. So I get up and I go to a hotel that is some distance away from where I’m staying, and this place is a little bit seedy. And the first room I look at isn’t even properly vacuumed up – it’s a little dirty.

And the woman who runs this place says she like to rent to hookers. She says she asks them no questions and they pay well. Well, I want to see another room. This is not acceptable. The next room she shows me is adequate, it’s clean, but I’m still stigmatized by the fact that this was a seedy hotel that I stepped into based upon the first room that I saw. I’m not sure that this is quite the atmosphere that’s going to work.

So she goes back to the desk as I’m in the room kind of pondering it, having felt that on appearances this room looks like it’s okay. And there’s kind of a doorknob that opens out to the outside, the big wall that’s there, I don’t even know why this opens. It’s not even a window that opens because you can’t see through it.

And the building is way high up, probably nine stories or more up in the air because it’s just a sheer drop straight down the wall. The outside of the building is just straight and even, you know, straight down. 

And so I turn this doorknob that opens to the outside and I step out on a ledge. In other words, from this door on the other side of the ledge is maybe an inch is all, and then everything is straight down. When I step out there I don’t know what comes over me, how this happened even, but the door closes.

There’s no doorknob on the other side. It’s all flush. When the door closes, my first thought is there has to be a way of getting my fingers in the crack there and make it hold, but I can’t even do that. This door has completely closed. It’s locked with no way of opening the door.

And I’m standing with my foot on not more than an inch, and I don’t even know how I’m doing this because I can’t really hold onto anything with my hand, and my foot’s bound to slip at any time for no apparent reason. I’m just barely suspended there.

And I start to holler and I realize, no one’s going to hear me down below, no one’s going to see me from anywhere, and even if the woman comes back into the room and I’m yelling outside, I don’t think she can hear through. She won’t be able to hear, either. 

It’s just a matter of time before my foot just moves a tiny bit, or even if I yelled it might be enough to destabilize things and I’d go tumbling off, straight down. So the only hope I have is that she might, somehow or another, intuitively guess. But why should she even intuitively guess that someone would be so crazy as to step outside and then the door close, let alone still be able to be there – because there’s no ledge or anything?

She’d probably conclude that I changed my mind and left. So my only hope is that she intuitively opens the door for some strange reason, and who knows why she would even do that. So as I’m standing there this whole thing gets so heebie-jeebie shocking that I wake up.

The meaning is, I’m charged with an intertwined responsibility, with other parts of myself, that I’m handling badly. Appearances are against me. I am selling myself short. I know that I am not properly taking into account what others think. I am out on a ledge on my own. The position is unsustainable. Trust is nearly gone. I have no one to blame but myself. 

Maybe this is the nature of the way energy is, if you look at the masculine and the feminine of energy. If you put the masculine in control, there’s nothing but fear. And if you put the feminine in control, then there’s something immature there, too.

And one or the other has to be kind of in control. I mean, you can’t seem to work together. I mean, the door doesn’t seem to open both ways. And, as a consequence, you have this foreboding quality. 

Well, maybe this is how it has to be for the masculine. Maybe the masculine has to make sure that they turn everything against themselves in order for something to work. In other words, it’s that kind of a life. 

If you put the matriarchal inside in charge, it doesn’t seem to be able to bring the sensibilities down from above. And if you put the masculine in charge, it misuses those sensibilities and connections that it has. 

And that’s what we have in our world today, a complete misuse of the sight so you have a power and control imbalance. How is it possible, how do you reconcile something like that? That’s the nature of what it’s like energetically – and can I be trusted? Can the masculine be trusted if it gets in a position where it’s easy for it to cop to personal mannerisms? 

No one can get outside of their personal mannerisms it appears. It’s only a matter of degree. 

To download this file, Right Click (for PCs) or Control Click (for Macs) and Save: An Unsustainable Position

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