Owning the Power

spirtual-energyAs our consciousness awakens, we begin to deal with higher and higher energies – energies that are too potent to come to us without our invitation – and that invitation is made when we choose to be in service to something higher than ourselves. It’s a natural process where we continually need to adjust and rebalance ourselves to be able to take on more and more. That is the real definition of development – being able to attract, hold, and use higher essences through our lives. (At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)

John: It causes me to want to ponder the traveling dream I had. 

And in it, I’d come with a couple of companions and, to begin with, it’s almost as if the area is somewhat familiar except I’m on maybe the neighbor’s property who has a pond that has been off limits to me. And the pond comes right up to the back deck of the neighbor’s house, or of this person’s house, and we come over uninvited and have gone up on the deck of the house.

And looking down on this pond to begin with it doesn’t seem like it’s a big pond, but it’s full of great big fish in it. You could see them swimming around at the bottom. And in the enamoring of watching these fish swimming around a railing gets knocked off of the deck into the water and one of the big fish comes up to check it out as it hits the water.

It’s at that moment that I realize that we made a commotion and that we’re apt to be seen, or heard, and that the owner will come out and we are trespassing. My two friends are indulged in the fish and in the pond and so they’re not paying attention, or realizing anything that could be awkward, and there’s nothing much I can do to get their attention because one has to move immediately. 

So, they’re to my left indulging in the pond, and I just slip into the water and start swimming to my right – swimming out of sight and out of the way of whatever might come out on the deck to see what’s going on. 

So I swim and I swim. I’m amazed that the water seems warm; I expected it maybe to be cooler. And I’m surprised how far the pond goes on and, at some point in the pond, where this horse is walking on the bottom is bugging me, it’s bothering me, it’s sticking its nose in my face. It’s making it hard for me to swim.

And I go right into a main street of town, get up, realize, okay, this is an incredible horse it’s so friendly and everything, I jump on its back bareback riding and I stick my fingers up near the horse’s head or face because it didn’t have a bridle, and I attempt to steer the horse along. It doesn’t work out very well, but that’s what I try to do is just try to get the horse to proceed like that. 

Well, in this part of the dream what is happening is the fish stand for a consciousness that is awakening, but there’s an indulgence in the fish. There is an indulgence in that, and that indulgence is keeping a certain flexibility spontaneity from being there. 

Just like in your dream, you had an indulgence and the way things were waking up, and waking up, and waking up, and then the question became enough is enough, or when do you stop? And just the finding of it seemed to be sufficient. It seemed that if you were to stop you would live it in some capacity, or do something different with it that would make it all make more sense. 

And in my dream the indulgence, the parts of me that are indulging in the fascination of the consciousness that’s waking up, I’m not fully paying attention to something, and that part is running into what could be a type of crisis, or collateral issue. 

But another part of me that gets it is finding the power that it needs, which is represented by the horse – but I don’t know how to ride the horse. I don’t know how to handle that. That’s not an issue of the power. The power is there, it’s friendly, it’s accessible to me, it’s that I don’t know how to work with it, or to deal with it, so that’s the limitation I have in that aspect of the dream. 

Then it’s like the dream shifts, and I seem to be traveling with a woman that is someone who you never quite know when it is that she’s liable to do something that’s in her own personal best interest. She’s friendly enough, she’s well meaning enough, but she just has that strange kind of trait.

And something about this atmosphere makes this whole thing awkward in terms of traveling. It seems so pained to travel like this. And even the food that I eat feels like junk food and there’s no way to know where to dispose – there’s no convenient place to dispose of the container. 

So I kind of carry it along and, at some point, I’m even kicking in front of me as we’re passing through kind of an area that’s like a part of a city or something. There are lines of people lined up and they’re going from place to place and getting junk food to eat – like soup lines, like poor people.

And here I am kicking this empty container that held junkiness along, and this woman that I’m with she even indulges in some of that food that’s there and oh, I just, you know, that’s bad. And then she even has the audacity to wipe her dirty hands on the back of my shirt as I’m walking along. It just is too much, this unconscious demeanor and indulgence.

In other words, the container thing isn’t coming together, which is the feminine aspect and whatnot. I just keep kicking things down the road when I’m not carrying it, but I can’t carry it all the time, and so it’s just not working. 

So I end up finding myself on my own again, traveling. I have no idea where I’m traveling. I have no idea what will happen, and what it is that I seek or anything like that. And I wake up carrying this peculiarity in my nature. 

That was like two dreams there, and both of those had in common a kind of indulgence, or limitation aspect, that was in the way of something unfolding. The first dream with the fish indicated that the consciousness was awakening, and that I was drawing the attention of the consciousness even, but something about that process was an indulgence that affected one part of myself. 

Another part of myself realized that I just needed to get into the water of it all and swim along and, in that regard, letting go of it, I accessed a natural power that came right up to me. It wasn’t like I even had to find it. It actually bothered me, nuzzling me as I’m trying to swim, as it seemed to like just naturally walk in the water. But I don’t know how to handle or to ride that, so that’s an initial imbalance. I don’t know how to live that, in other words. 

That’s an initial imbalance, and so the dream that unfolds from that adds information to the prior one, seems to suggest that there is something wrong with the quality of my feminine nature – that it is still indulging in personal aspects of things in life. 

And getting its hands dirty, and acting according to its own, where it should know better, and yet in terms of how this has opened up for me, and with me, and in terms of me in my presence, there is an uneasiness. 

It’s just not working, which basically means that aspect of the feminine is the quality or trait that isn’t quite coming together so that I can own the power, and live the power, and ride the power that is available to me to go along with a consciousness that is made available, which rises up to me as well, that can be shaken and awakened.

So without the feminine principle properly aligned there is an indulgence, and so that portrays the delirium that I sit in. 

To download this file, Right Click (for PCs) or Control Click (for Macs) and Save: Owning the Power

Enough is Enough

Ruby_SlippersJeane’s dream images call to mind the words from the Wizard of Oz when he tells Dorothy and her friends that what they have been searching for has been in them all along. And so it is with a spiritual path. Whatever we need is already in us. There’s nothing about life on a spinning planet in a spinning galaxy that signals that we are adrift and alone in the universe. What we are in is a wholeness that evolves together and, as such, we have our return journey coded in us, like our DNA. Yet for the human it is always a matter for us to choose the journey, or not, because we have not been created as slaves to the system. (At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)

Jeane: I keep losing my dreams from last night. I know I lost the very earliest one, but the second one kind of repeats. 

Anyway, the dreams seem to have to do with traveling somewhere to find something. The dream that’s the loudest I seem to have traveled into the jungles in Mexico, I think, and I’ve gone into a hut and I’m talking to a dark-haired girl who had traveled with us in Egypt. 

And she is someone who is also a good shopper, and she has these little items around her and she tells me there’s a place in the jungle where they’re made – that you have to go past a real obvious part, and you have to go into this little village at just the right time of day because they just lay out there the things that they make at a certain time, and then they take them all away at another time. 

Well, I go into the jungle, but I get there early to the little village and I go wandering around the little huts and I actually wander in and I see how and where they’re making them. But I can only peek in for a moment because I think the tourists are just supposed to come and go to the village area where they lay out the wares, where I’m actually peeking back into the huts to see who, and how they’re made. 

So then I go back out into the square at the right time when they’re laying things out. And I remember she told me maybe you can even travel to another village, or a special place, where they make the best things, the most unusual little items. 

But I seem to travel the whole length and even hit an hour when they’re starting to wrap everything up, and I see how that is very precise, but my interest doesn’t seem to be in buying anything. It seems like my interest is in just finding them, and looking at them. 

Seeing what they’re like and getting very close-up and examining – even if it’s a little purse or whatever it is, little objects someone had been painting a face on that I had seen them make. I’m just curious about where they are, and is there another place where they make things even more? 

That dream seems to repeat some, and then also it’s followed by a dream where I’m going and I’m again looking for something. I’m traveling. It almost might be like looking for the headwaters of the lake where I grew up, or something like that. 

But each time I go look for it I overshoot it in a sense, or I overshoot where I’m supposed to turn. And when I overshoot I go up a mountain and it’s a real green mountain and I get so far up it and I realize I’ve overshot where I’m supposed to turn, and I turn around. 

The second time I do it, I even note that this mountainside is really kind of lush and you could probably find morel mushrooms there. They grow in that kind of environment. But there’s no time; I feel a certain sense of urgency so I’m not concerned as much. 

Even though the mountainside looks slippery, I’m not concerned much about it because I’ve done this before, but I want to get turned around so I can get to where I’m really going. 

Those were the only two parts of the dream I really pulled out. I know there were more, but it was really slippery – it would keep ebbing away.

John: The thing that the dreamings of the evening had in common is both of them involved journeying, or traveling. And the difference is, is that I had no idea where I was going, and you seemed to be able to find things. But, at some point, at the end, it’s like you didn’t know when to stop. 

It’s like you could easily stop, but you wouldn’t stop, and you just kept going and going and going. And, at some point, you were getting stretched out and you needed to just stop. 

It’s interesting that the dreams had this pattern of traveling, that they twined together, with you seemingly just continuing to go and go and go, and seemingly satisfied by what you were discovering.

But, you know, that whole last part it was like, as I was laying in my fog delirium, I kept saying when are you going to stop? When are you going to stop? You need to stop. There was something in the dream that just kept saying that you were stretching something too much, that you needed to stop. 

You traveled and you traveled, and you were going somewhere and going somewhere, but it was almost like all you had to do was stop and behold the path or something.

You had an indulgence, and the way things were waking up and waking up and waking up, and then the question became: enough is enough, or when do you stop? Just the finding of it seemed to be sufficient. It seemed that if you were to stop you would live it in some capacity, or do something different with it that would make it all make more sense.

To download this file, Right Click (for PCs) or Control Click (for Macs) and Save: Enough is Enough

An Inner Debt

untitledThere are many types of grief and trauma in human life, both individually and as a species, but perhaps the greatest grief is that of being separated from our creator. That grief is compounded when we cut ourselves off from our purpose and design – which is a choice we each make as individuals. We all have an inner yearning to be rejoined, or “go home,” no matter how subtle it may be. Responding to that natural urge is the only way to reconcile our grief. (At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)

John: I have the need, as portrayed by the first dream, to break out of the malaise. So that’s the first aspect of an imbalance. 

So what triggers this other dream, it’s like I was listening to a tape and the second part of the tape has to do with the masculine carrying a type of heartfulness, a closeness that is out of reach – as if it’s a type of raw energy. 

The feminine carries a refinement in which it’s just hidden, but the masculine is trying to rattle themselves through it. And it’s almost like there’s a greater heartfulness behind the masculine’s raw energy, at least so it appears, because they can be affected by things that look kind of peculiar to a person who has the eyes to see. That they can see that that person is not necessarily how they appear. They can be doing crazy things, but behind all of that is a heart trying to be very, very open.

And the tape I listened to discussed variables after variables, and examples after examples, of how this is to prove the point that on this way of looking at it the masculine actually carries a greater connection to the heart than the feminine – who is sitting more in an amnesia of completeness and wholeness that it can’t quite access, but is whole and complete inside of herself.

While the masculine is pulling down something directly to try to effectuate that into life, and that action has a sense of a greater heartfulness. So what happens if you don’t catch up with that greater heartfulness? What if you’re traumatized, or sitting in a state of grief or despair or something? What does that look like when you’re distant from it? 

And so in the dream I’m shown how the grief/trauma I am repressing and keeping unconscious is affecting the way I relate to wonderful people in authority. I feel I need to challenge them in some way or another. Notice I said that they were actually wonderful people. In other words, they’re not people that are doing crazy things but, nevertheless, I’m trying to find edges or issues or aspects that I can toiter with, which means you tend to taunt them.

And I’m not making any sense to anyone, including myself, as to why I think I need to do it. Because they carry something inside themselves by their actions that is whole or in balance, and I am not catching up with that inside myself because of some sort of grief or trauma, I project that deviation outwardly as a type of taunting, or challenge, or whatever, because I’m not holding myself in the energetic that I see that is more copacetic. Or, in other words, free from this quality of repression and grief that I carry. I see there are people that are free of that. 

So in the scene I see myself going after a guy who is much bigger, stronger, and quicker than me. And he tries to scurry out of the way because he doesn’t want to engage me, because if he does, he’s going to hurt me. I probably even kind of know that, but that doesn’t stop me. 

I keep after him and, if I do catch him, I will be the one who gets hurt. He will have no choice but to protect himself. So this dream is just pointing out another area in which I am imbalanced because of an excessive sorrow wound I cover over, or carry in a repressed state, and am trying to break free of it. And so I actually react to things that are too touching when I’m not ready to be touched that deeply. I rebuff it. I shut down. So I’m a bit of a catatonic danger to myself. 

For someone who doesn’t know how to look at this, they could say that I have some sort of deep down inner rant. I haven’t absorbed the wound sorrow and am taking it out on myself and others without any rhyme or reason that is readily apparent. 

The reason for this dream and the prior one is to get me to see why it is I am compelled to push myself unnaturally, in other words like project myself unnaturally to try to effectuate something in the outer, as a sense of something that I can’t quite reach. Or to carry on righteously, which in this case is actually to my detriment, which would get me beat up.

And it’s all because I’m reacting in a taunting manner to something that I can’t just naturally comply with because I have this sorrow or wound inside of me that is still triculating and hasn’t resolved itself. In other words, I put this quality over it, or tone over it. That’s how we are when we’re veiled, or whenever we have denseness in our nature, or mannerisms in our nature. 

There are things that we can’t shake and we project those things, and this is showing a kind of projection that has to do with this covering over of an ability to reach a type of clarity or sight that is there for me to be able to have found, but the non-finding of it leads to kind of a trauma and a reactivity. 

So behind this is something hidden I have not let go of, absolved, or forgiven myself for. In other words, if you’re really hard on yourself you could say there’s no excuse for you not being conscious of this, that, or the other which you can see yourself as being a little awry about. 

And, in many instances, that’s not the right attitude, either, because whatever that is may be so far yet hidden as a grief and a trauma that unless you had that at your fingertips as an energetic that you could catch up with, which basically is caught up with by way of a clarity that comes all the way straight through it – and it just goes poof. 

If you don’t catch up with that, then you can’t be taking that out on yourself either, and that’s part of what I do when I set myself up to taunt, or challenge, and run the risk of getting hurt. I’ve forgotten how to pay this inner debt to life, that’s what it really amounts to, so I act out in strange ways. 

The part that is like my brother is plagued with having to act out as if he is in a state of denial, i.e., like the prior dream. This just further covers up the amnesia, sorrow, wound. The part that is righteous keeps looking for a fight, or a means to come more to grips with this plaguing condition. 

What is positive about all of this is that deep down I have a sense that I need to break through a barrier and, when I do, I will reach an intended freedom. And this is a type of freedom that has to do with me knowing something that one needs to naturally know from somewhere else.

And then in the next little image, or dream, it’s like I wake up because you’ve made the statement, “I hope you guys can rent me again,” which is your way of saying that whatever it is that we did, we’ve blown it. It’s not like you are purposely going away. 

It’s like the state that I’m in is such that you can’t be how you would normally be, and that’s how you would normally be, and so it’s like renting you again so that you can be who you can normally be. 

This is like a statement of the feminine, and this statement is made to me and your father who have somehow hurt your feelings because you’re doing what is needed and we do something to cut that natural flow off. 

Interesting, rapport with the feminine being missing. That’s what happens when you get pouty, or righteous, or in a state of sorrow, which is a type of mood, and sorrow is more associated with a veil of feminine mannerism because it sits in sound. It’s syrupier as opposed to light, which is crisp.

So the significance of this is that the image is portraying the trauma wound imbalance that’s having something to do with how manifestation has been mistreated by some uproarious and righteous personal part of myself, or anyway some part of myself that’s off base. 

So I am not yet relating to that in a conscious reconcilable way. I feel the magnetic impulses within trying to find their way, energetically, and I guess I will have to see how that lives itself out, or makes itself known. 

In other words, how do I access the feminine that’s just naturally there? The question will be, is this something that is able to be absorbed, or is it something that has to be lived out? If it’s something that’s absorbed, means it becomes something that is natural to you and you don’t have to go through anything, it’s just there. 

If it’s something that has to be lived out that means there are still inflections, and characteristics, and qualities that have to be understood and grasped in some sort of consciousness aspect of yourself. And so then you need to live it out, or utilize the outer world as the greater teacher for that to run its course.

To download this file, Right Click (for PCs) or Control Click (for Macs) and Save: An Inner Debt