A Mannerism of Doubt

2079435_deeper-stillIt is part of our life’s baggage that we tend to overreact to, resist, or defend ourselves from, the new and the unknown. Just as it can be true in outer life, it can happen on the inner life as well. When our journey and effort results in new aspects of our inner selves opening up, it can be a shock to the system; we don’t always know how to handle the new found energy. That’s where trusting the inner system comes into play, because otherwise our fear can build new veils for us to contend with. (At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)

Jeane: I didn’t dream the first part of the night that I remembered. But this last part of the night, in the dream, I seem to be going to this house off and on. In this house, I run group meetings in one of the rooms, like therapy groups. And sometimes a lot of people show up, almost to the point where I’m thinking I need to start a second group.

And other times, hardly anyone shows up. Out of the group that shows up, I can either have a mixed group—by that I mean people that are coming that have had a background from counseling and also alcoholism—or sometimes it might just be the group shows up that’s been having more trouble with drinking and I never know which. And there’s also some Native Americans that show up, like men and women and different ages, and I’m trying to have a dialogue at times with them.

At one time, just as I think I need to start a second group because there are so many coming, I come and no one showed up. So I go to an area of the house where people come and socialize and dance, and I think it’s there that I find out that someone had started a rumor that I was an alcoholic. And I am talking with some people, but we’re all in the dark while we’re talking and someone’s coming over and standing next to me and even joking, so I know they’re there. It’s almost like they’re pretending they’re there, or they’re not there, but they are there.

One part of what we discussed is how hard it is to confront a rumor like that, because even if you hardly drink, which I rarely do, if someone starts that kind of a rumor, people that have that problem believe it; they project it onto you. Then the more you defend against it, the more they believe it.

So I’m used to expressing my frustration about that and one of the guys, I think he’s a Native American, younger guy, I can tell he’s standing next to me in the dark, maybe even joking about it because he may understand it. I don’t know because you never know who starts the rumors. So in some ways, it’s just going around there, or sensing the people that are in the room and some of the qualities about them.

John: So the theme of the dreaming has to do with, it seems to be a feminine theme of dreaming, in that this is not a way that I look at things, typically. It’s the way the feminine looks at things.

The feminine, when its trying to awaken, has to contend with something that creates a stimulation, or creates something of a level of excitement or interest. What the feminine has to sort out is whether this excitement or interest is of any value or importance to how it is that she sees herself, or feels herself.

And these qualities or characteristics that take and cause something to churn away or to become open, or for one to have to relate to, is kind of like masculine, outer raw energy. Some raw energy is easily embraced – and yet it doesn’t take much to create a stigma towards it. You can develop a mood, or an attitude, and shut off that which is visible very easily.

And when that happens you can then stare at whatever it is that was generated as a problem and wonder: how is it that I get rid of what I just took on as a mood, or an attitude, or a mannerism that gets in the way? Because it can get in the way to such a degree that that which was quite present before, is no longer there. Or, if it’s there, it’s in some sort of invisible capacity again which means it’s veiled, and yet it had been really, really open. And there had been a way in which you could perceive the ebb and flow of it.

But then, all of a sudden, with this something else that’s been brought in, that’s created a tone or a mannerism of doubt, or of a stigma, then you find yourself unable to access that which was readily accessible and able to follow it ebb and flow. But now all of a sudden, it’s not even an ebb and a flow. It’s somehow veiled because of this part that came into the equation and created a barrier to that kind of relationship or sight.

So this is a problem that the feminine has, in that the feminine is kind of like a sponge and its container energy soaks things up, but can get violated, and/or perceive itself as on the fritz, or not able to cope or something. And then that creates a veil.

So what I’m trying to ponder is if I can see where that veil is being created. Often times it’s created or caused by a kind of identity that has to do with aiming to please or something, in which one goes outside of themselves, and goes over the top and exhausts themselves, instead of allowing it to come through and to them. If you exhaust yourself, so it doesn’t come through and to you, then what happens is you get overly tired. And when you get overly tired, you don’t get rested either. Your tiredness seems to be some sort of imbalance with the energy.

It’s interesting how all of that works and from the standpoint that it’s worth watching one’s self to realize how it is that one is attuned. Just like the masculine is in tune to the feminine side of itself in terms of being able to kind of appreciate a sense of the overall, the feminine is attuned to the masculine side of herself in order to be able to feel an excitement and aliveness in terms of what is going on around in the environment.

And what is meaningful keeps coming back. What is not meaningful falls away. And so, like the feminine side could be excited about something only to find that she’s deluded herself, that there isn’t anything in it, and that she was hearing the information coming through in a wrongful way or something. So, it’s interesting how you dreamt that.

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