Jeane’s dream raises an issue that we all experience as we proceed: making choices in outer life that we think – at that moment – will take us where we need to be, but ultimately can’t. And the reason they can’t is because they are made weighing the options from an external perspective, and to progress on a spiritual path requires making choices that support the inner connections and guidance. To make that shift requires trusting in what we are connecting to, within. (At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)
Jeane: My dreams last night were rather wispy. In one dream it feels like I’m visiting some young women that I’m living with. I must be in my 20s, too, and it’s like we’ve been working and living together, but I’m going to be moving now.
When I first leave I go about three or four blocks away, and I’m staying at the house of a man, and actually sleeping with this man except we’re not really making love because he’s always preoccupied with something that he’s doing.
And he, at one point, he goes with me and picks up some of the women to drive them somewhere that they need to go. And it feels like when we’re in the car again he and I are always preoccupied with something, almost like a box that we have with some instruments in it, or we’re trying to unpack things and place them in the right spot as people get in and out of the car.
It feels like it’s that same way when we’re at his house, that there are things that we’re moving around in the bed and that he’s preoccupied with that he has to get done. That whole dream just has that sensation in it.
John: You’re portraying a quality of a depth of yourself as being subrogated. What that means is, that when you’re in a group or a wholeness with the other women that you’re with and that you’re working and whatnot, and then you move out of that place and into something as if that’s better, what you’re doing is a type of subrogation.
You’re making a choice as if that brings you into a better result. The image then proceeds to tell you that what you’re doing is avoiding something that was meant to open up if you would have stayed in the state that involved a sense of camaraderie and wholeness within.
By moving out you’re finding out that you can’t get, reach, or achieve that which you desire, or design, because you’ve already turned your back on something from where you left, and in turning your back on that from which you left – energy is neither created nor destroyed, it just moves around in different states – and so the subrogated state that you have is that, where you end up you can’t quite reach the connectivity that you feel you desire because of having rejected something, or repudiated something, else.
In other words, this is a type of making a choice in which the choice you have made kept something from opening up inside, as you then thought that it could be opened up in this other way. And it can’t work that way because everything that evolves, evolves from within.
And so what you end up with is a situation in which something is still deprived. In other words, there’s something about this guy that you move in with that is unable, even though for all intents and purposes the appearances are such that this is better, or that this should work, and that you’re going to be making this choice, because you have failed to open up or come to grips with something inside when you were in the previous scenario or setting.
When you then failed to do that there, and then choose to go and make an outer choice, as if it’s now possible somewhere else in this other way, you only find in the end that something is restless, or moving around, or unsettled, or whatever it is. It just doesn’t quite gel like it’s supposed to – from your way of looking at things.
This subject of subrogation is a very big, deep, peculiar subject because for some reason a human being is constantly doing that, constantly deviating from a depth deep within that can be reached by taking and making choices, or decisions, that have them probe out in some sort of outer context way.
And however it is that they probe out in an outer context way cannot work out for them because you don’t find anything of value that way. You only find it of value from what comes from within. But the problem is what comes from within has a certain danger to it too in that it can be overwhelming. And when it seems and comes across as overwhelming, the reason why you get the sensation that it’s overwhelming is because a part of you still seeks or believes in something that’s in the outer.
And so when you open an access to something on the inner that’s more profound than what you’re ready to handle, you step away from that, and you attempt to open it up under circumstances that are more under your idea of control and balance – and it never works out that way.
In other words, the inner thing hits you, the inner thing and essence that hits you, hits you in a way that was more than what you were capable of dealing with, but rather than settle in and let that come to a fullness of time, you step away from the overpowering quality. And you do it by way of a reaction that to you makes perfect sense, but the end result is that you’re now trying to take in what was there as a sense, yet trying to open up in a situation that was protected and stabilized, you’re now trying to open that up in a way that is out on its own.
And without the protection, without the security of the overall, of the lineage or whatever it is that the overall is, without that security of it opening up in a protected way, the deviation or the mannerism to which you probe out is not going to quite come together. It’s always going to seem peculiar to you in some fashion or another, and that’s because it’s not supposed to work that way.
And yet that is what everyone does over and over and over again. It’s called trying to subrogate the energy. A good example is, in case that’s hard to understand in terms of the word subrogation, a good example is where a woman takes and represses her femininity in order to live in a man’s world.
She takes on different streamline appearances with herself, she loses a certain graciousness. She can shine with a beauty as she takes on an attire that fits more with how the masculine world works, but she has a tendency in doing so of losing a connection to the ability that she has to effectuate, through her connection, an effect in the inner that is outside of the senses and outside of the mind.
When she moves away from that profound side of herself, she is subrogating her energy into what her perceptions tell her is a more acceptable norm, in terms of the outer, and thus she loses an aspect that is very, very important for her in terms of how it is that she is meant to be centered, in terms of who it is that she is.
She is trying to make herself into something that she is not. And we do that over and over again as if it can be found that way – and it’s called subrogation.
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