It’s easy to think that once something is behind us, it’s gone for good. But that’s rarely the case, whether we speak of past temptations or energetic stigmas from earlier in life. Here John confronts this idea, finding that ancient issues can arise on different levels of our being – meaning that they have to (potentially) be cleared at each level. What that points to is a throughout need for letting go, not an issue-specific type of letting go. (At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)
John: So in the meditation dream what I’ve experienced is a pace of flow that has evolved. In other words, I’m at a point in which that which had caused a barrier to arise has been mostly resolved.
Now what we’re talking about is a kind of barrier that you go through, that you penetrate, that you break through, even though you’re not realizing that you’re breaking through it. You realize it only after you get up to a particular speed inside. So, as a result, the weight of the barrier that has held me back for a long time, when you get to the point where it is mostly lifted, is when it comes out from having been suppressed by the synapses – almost as a defense mechanism, or like a type of traumatic deviation.
So the way I see this is there’s a part of myself that is on the left that is suddenly able to speed up and catch up with another part of myself that is on the right. And this is possible because I have confronted a stigma that I was placed under long ago, in which how it was that I related or correlated to life I took on a mannerism, in which the part of myself on the left got slowed down or took on an imprint that basically held it back – or I guess you’d say karmically held it back.
This effect no longer exists, or has been lifted, or I have opened up in a way so that it no longer permeates its effect upon me and, as a result, that which is me on the left has caught up with the part of me on the right.
The specifics of what happened long ago are long forgotten, so the question that remains is, as I awaken on the left to evolve more consciously into the whole and have, as a consequence, speeded up, the question is: how am I going to relate to the part of myself that on the right that I have caught up with holds the inflection?
In other words, it’s going faster, but there’s still the subtle inflection in that. In other words, the left acquires an insight in a way that is different than the right, and so now how do I confront that? Because in catching up the energetic trauma imbedded from long ago comes to the surface energetically.
Because the specifics of the issue are no longer in a memory cortex, what I experience is a kind of resistant energetic, in other words, I experience it for no explainable reason. What I mean by that is that what is so confusing for people is that as they get more conscious, or more aware, or you might even say become better people with better mannerisms and adab, that there can still be a shift that happens for them. There still can be things that hit them that a person standing off to one side could say, why is that happening? That seems inappropriate, or that seems odd and peculiar given who they have become.
And the reason is because that which is on the right is now faced on another level. In other words, first you caught up with it, and you approached it, and you were able to drop it, or let go of it, or transcend, you might say, somehow or another, on the left that became more conscious and gained speed.
But that which is on the right still carries the synaptic blueprint of a quality of energy that hasn’t completely gone away. In other words, it was held out in some capacity, almost as if a type of prima materia substance, and it’s held out on the right in an unconscious way. So that on the left you become more conscious, right? Isn’t that how it works in terms of perception?
Jeane: Subconscious, yeah.
John: I am not sure how that works but, in any event, because I don’t really understand left and right very well but this is a left to right kind of awakening in which you can become aware and conscious and speeded up on the left, but still have karmic limitations that befall you on the right.
Which means there’s a speed up on the left then you get to a point where you’re about ready to pass that which is on the right and you hit that part and it sets off a kind of reverb and can cause then the whole pattern that may not have befallen you, up until that point, to start repeating again. And it’s based upon something from long, long ago in your being.
So it creates this synaptic flicker, which is like a reaction, which is a disturbance that energetically isn’t based upon current conditions anymore, because it’s from long ago – embedded in your psyche.
So the energetic test is, am I conscious enough to truly forgive and let go now that I have come face to face with an inner repressed stigma? In the dream I respond reactively and find myself feeding this part of myself with dry spaghetti noodles just to be prankish and/or mean. In other words, I am not letting go, still carrying on.
So the consequence of all of this is, this dream is indicating that upon catching up with an energetic that was suppressed, or repressed, ages ago, that I have reawakened myself to a stigma effect that has to be lived out in the outer – assuming that I can handle this graciously.
If I can’t then the outer just beats me up and I reverb back and forth and there is no forgiveness. There’s kind of a righteousness or something that gets in the way, or an attitude of entitlement, or however you’d say that.
So the point is, where do I stand when I reawaken the repressed pattern and energetic affliction in my synapses? Do I fall back under the spell of the stigma by reacting to the suppressed vibe that has come to the surface? In other words, that creative aspect is going to have its creative effect upon the reflections of the outer and do I take the bait? Which means that I haven’t really grown because, if so, then I’m not through the barrier, not really. I may have speeded up, but still have to carry the rhythm.
So in the dream, this barrier still gets in the way of the natural unfoldment and so I see myself falling back again, which means that I have not really forgiven and therefore I am not ready to be more conscious and gracious. So that’s the consequence.
And the reason for the dream is, the awakening of an energetically repressed pattern enables me to see if I have truly let go, in other words, because it’s affecting me in unconscious ways as it is. But now all of a sudden I’ve gotten to the point where I can definitely see that I’m creating a kind of chaos because this depth of part of my synaptic nature is still carrying on in some fashion and I can see it.
And then the issue is if I am still under a stigma spell then I will just be seeing myself reverb reactively or collaterally, and thus fall back under the ancient, pent-up pattern unable to take responsibility for the waywardness and a woundology being the challenge, and that’s the nature of the outer is that it causes you to face the worthy challenges of your inner being. That’s the challenge that is posed.
Only if I am able to absorb or own the wholeness – instead of the idiosyncrasies that flicker forth – can I go beyond the effect of the stigma. If I do not get beyond the stigma pattern, I remain caught up by a repressed, lower-self dynamic. When this lower-self dynamic and barrier controls, by way of reflection, what is happening is I am living in and effectuating a condition that plays itself out on the physical plane.
What gets recreated in physical existence is more like a dream-wide test, then, to see if I can let go. Only if I let go can I effectuate the whole. The question then is, can I quit the reverbing backwardation. Isn’t that interesting?
To download this file, Right Click (for PCs) or Control Click (for Macs) and Save: An Energetic Affliction