Alienated and Separate

alienation-judith-redmanIn this dream there’s a journey and the main character has a pretty good sense of where he’s supposed to be – he’s even been given directions – yet he still gets sidetracked from the path. He ducks into a house and it seems as though he’s stealing something, or trying to get away with something. Isn’t that a good metaphor for an inner journey, when we get sidetracked by our own personal idiosyncrasies, and worse, think no one will notice. In the end, it’s not what is happening around us, but in us that matters.  (At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)

John: And in the meditation dream it starts off where I see myself coming up an alley. In other words, there’s a bunch of houses and whatnot to the left and to the right, and I’m kind of in an alley.

And to the left I can see someone kind of in their kitchen but they are not looking out, and I then slip into the back door of a place across from this house in which the owner, and I believe it’s a woman who lives there by herself, is not there because she’s working.

And I don’t know who she is; I just, for some reason, am there to do something. Whether I’m a thief or whatever, I’m not really sure. What is going on is, is I’m not sure, in terms of the way I’m fumbling about at this point, I’m not sure that I’m not catching up with how things need to be specifically, although earlier during the day I’d been given directions on how to get to where I need to go.

And what I had been shown is that I take and I go down this particular road that takes me out of the outskirts of kind of a rural subdivision area, which is where I’m in right now having gone into this house. This is not in a city.

And then I go up the road a little bit and then I take a left onto a dirt road and I go a couple of blocks. It doesn’t look like you’re going anywhere. By doing that, I end up on the edges of a town at a place where I’m meant to go.

So I kind of know where I’m going in a longer, bigger consequence of things, but in terms of the direct effect of the situation in front of me, that’s where I’m still yet confused. In other words, to get there I have to get beyond some limitation up front in order to reach a point to where the road is there and it all comes back to me. And I then can proceed and then get to where I’m meant to go.

So, in a roundabout way, what I need to be able to do is to be able to sit and settle back and be quiet and be able to wait. I mean that would be kind of nice I suppose because I do have it in me and I would be able to note that way. But in my amnesia, I guess I don’t know that.

And so I go inside through the back door and sitting by the front door is a dog. It doesn’t even pay any attention to me, and he’s waiting by the front door for his master to come home. And then I suddenly realize that there’s a time that I must leave to kind of figure out how to get back and aligned to getting to where I need to go.

And as I realize I need to leave, it is at that moment that I notice the dog is getting a bit excited so I know the owner is coming back and the dog is sensing it. And so I have to quickly pick up whatever it was that I had brought in with me and set down, which seems like it’s my dream book. So I seem to scramble around and find it.

And so then I go out the back door before I can be discovered and then I walk along the front of the house, figuring, okay, this person has now come in and I’m just missing them. In the front of the house is kind of a playground area for the locals, for kids and even adults are there.

As I walk through that, I’m clearly visible if the person senses something is wrong when they come inside, they look out the window, they see me, and they’ll realize, ah hah, I’m the person that doesn’t belong, that doesn’t make sense, and if they were to yell out of course then, these people could all jump me.

There is no way I can get away because in this dream I’m old man. I don’t move very fast. So beyond this area I pass through kind of a forested dense area and when I get there I know now that I am hidden. I should be safe because then if the person senses and looks around I can’t be seen and it’s too late for anybody to grab or nab me.

But, as circumstances would have it, because I carry this kind of vibration that was a quality of this wayward sense where it deviated, like I had deviated going in the back of a house and in other words doing things that kind of keep you in an amnesia because you’re distorting how it is that you’re picking up things. I took and carried it as kind of a trait.

It’s a vibration similar to what a person does to themselves when they shoplift and they walk outside and, first of all, there’s the rush of having gotten out of the store. And then there’s the excitement and the apprehension of having gotten away with something, but one still has this racing in their chest a bit and they have to get beyond, out of sight, around a corner.

Well then when you get away you can get the sense that you got away but you didn’t really get away. What you did was you screwed something up in terms of an energetic mannerism in your soul. You set in motion some other forces by taking and doing this kind of ripping and tearing – and that’s what causes this next scene to be what it is.

Suddenly there are two guys who are following me, and they’re following me not because of what I did or anything, they’re following me because they’ve identified me as someone that is back this hidden, dense wooded area now – where no one can notice – and they can rob me. They can easily catch me and take what I have because I can’t outrun them or get away.

In fact, it would be foolish to even try. And so that’s what they do. And then, because they think that they have gotten away with something because that was an easy pickings, one of them then goes a short distance and, to my surprise, here I am strolling along as a watcher – going really slow because I’m an old man – and to my shock and surprise it happens to them. In other words, someone comes up who is actually much wealthier than they are, doesn’t need what they have, and takes from them something.

Now, what was interesting is it required a certain kind of social dues to be paid, and so this person paid a tribute fee. And had the guy known that this guy he accosted had already accosted me and had more and could have given more, then that would have happened as well, all of that would have been taken from him.

So, what isn’t readily seen is that I had gotten more or less twisted around by going into this area because I was thinking that I needed something more before going home, and that’s what kept me in this out-of-touch residential area as I’m on the way to a road nearby, I have a clear vision of where that is going to take me so that I then can come back to a more conscious part of myself in terms of where I am meant to be proceeding. In other words, I will then find myself attuned to the flow and can then find the lodging that I seek.

So the issue of a dream like this is when you have these vagary qualities of your nature that blot out a clear perception of something inside, in terms of where you’re going, are you up to the challenge of going through all of that in order to be able to actually handle how the journey needs to unfold?

So the meaning of the dream is the effort and struggle I notice in my being is estranging me from the whole. A failure to be at ease is a formula for a disaster. If I go around carrying a self-limiting vibration, in other words, when I do this wayward thing just like when a thief shoplifts they have no idea the damage they do to their soul. You just go into being lost or out of it.

The difference however is I do carry inside of myself a sense that if I proceed a little bit I can intuit my way to a spot that I then will know how to carry on from there. So what I am is kind of alienated and separate and when one’s like that then you are violated by the delirium that you still identify with as opposed to staying within the core of the main vibration of your being, a being that is in sync with all of life.

And so the sensation then is that it’s like, when you break through this amnesia, it’s like being able to go beyond where you belong – but that’s not the case. The case is you’re just playing in a dumbed-down state, checked out, and not as close to an inner consciousness as you’re meant to be.

So even though I have an idea of where it is I need to be getting to, that is sitting there kind of echoing in some depth inside of myself, embodying that is not possible as long as there is a paranoia or uneasiness that seems to dictate over me. And it kind of checkmates or vetoes how I’m able to be, how it is that I’m able to recognize or open up or fully live what it is that is unconsciously triculating for me to know.

In other words, knowing when to go out for lodging that is available for me, knowing about that a bit, is not much help when I lack the energetic means to get there safely, which is kind of a dumb statement because it’s using the dynamics of the dream image, but it is kind of true, too, in that I have adopted something, much like a shoplifter adopts something when they walk out thinking that they have pulled off or gotten away with a certain mannerism, and that gets in the way of holding a deeper focus.

The deeper meaning is that I’m having this dream as confirmation for what I already know is coming. In other words, through my ignorance and stupidity I even sense that there’s more – whether I can get there or not.

So in the dream I try to stay invisible, in other words not affected by things, but I fail. To go where I need to go I have to let go of everything. In this way I come to recognize that other part triculating inside and, in this way, where I go then is kind of like something that is destined to be.

It’s the nature of how everything has this wholeness to it that is an unfolding destiny that takes into account and is knowable from a sense of a much bigger picture – providing I quit reverberating in some sort of acting-up way.

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