Here we continue the discussion raised by yesterday’s dream (see An Endless Adventure). Let’s think of it this way: what we are is always trying to awaken us to our potential. Not in the sense of our career, but to our human purpose – just like a seed will always try to grow and bear its fruit. So those hauntings we feel – that there’s something more – are real. We can ignore it, that is our choice, but it will always be there for us if we decide to be there for it. (At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)
John: So you could say that as a meaning I’m carrying a pressure from within that I can’t shake.
In other words, one’s doing all of this effort to shake it, you could put it aside, you could suppress it, it’s part of who you basically are, you can’t annihilate this key essence component of yourself because it compels you to keep on trying to get where you will be in a point of wholeness with everything around you.
That’s where it’s taking you. But, in the running from it, you’re thinking that you want to be left alone, and that you’re trying to get to where it’s safe. Well, you never can do it that way. The dream images are the result of a mannerism that one carries, and holds, as an attention that is first and foremost – in terms of who they really are.
And so because I do not let go, or I’m not able to handle myself, in other words, I’m not following the thread of this very well in the lower-self way, so I’m continually thrown around by it. Acting like that, I’m just putting pressure upon myself, as if that pressure is going to make something in the outer occur – so that I’m okay again, or free from it.
And I’ll never be free from it because that’s not what frees me up. It is actually what I need to figure out how to embrace on a higher level and, until I do, I’m haunted and unable to let go so one can never be free as long as one maintains the intensity, as an ongoing indulgence or underlying dynamic.
In other words, you don’t hear it, you don’t recognize it for what it’s to be from what it is, and so it continuously comes at you, and at you, and at you to get it, so it always knows wherever you’re at, and you can’t get away from it.
So, in other words, because I am not shaking this internalized motif of who I really am, I create scene after scene in which I am seeking to live it out – as if, okay, I’m going to expend it, and be done with it, and move on to something else.
That’s the illusion that one has, in terms of how they contend with this, in terms of the outer reflective state, and when they see that in the outer reflective state they can say, okay, that’s going nowhere, that’s delusional. What you have to do is you have to stop and you have to realize that this pattern is there, this mannerism is always there. It’s always haunting you in a particular way. So there is an essence to it, there is an innerness to it, and that innerness then has these reflections, and this time these reflections go and dovetail all the way back to this innerness. And so there is an aliveness here, even though it may be bifurcated and delayed.
There is a related aliveness to this state inside of yourself that keeps nuancing and, most of the time, causing you to be thrown around because you don’t get to the state that goes way, way back in its subtleness to that being the essence of who you are.
So there is no reprieve, as long as one sees one’s self under this internal pressure and having to keep pushing the intensity around. And as long as I carry within those vibrations in an intense and reactive format, I create image after image from which to experience that which I feel internally.
In other words, I keep recreating external images in terms of aspects of that, as if I’m dealing with it more literally and denoting something in an oriented way – as if you’ll get to a point where enough is enough, but it’s not enough, it’s you. This is a power, this is a presence that you cannot realize who you are until you catch up with it. You need that, that is you.
So as I progress from scene to scene, thinking each time that it’s getting better, or that this time is different, or it will be different, at no time do I realize when I’m in this way of looking at things that this process that I am under is all there is, and all of this, its essence is what I am about, that is intertwined and linked.
And that there is something behind the heart, the intensity knot, and the pressure that sits there internalized. In other words, you’re not insane, it’s meaningful. So what goes on is this internalized energetic as I get closer and closer to it. Little by little I catch up with the essence of it from within which, initially, will just trigger those chase scenes as a reflective play as if I’m living out the affliction.
But because I can also feel there is something more to it, and something that has to be done in relationship to it, the pent up energy lives me. You know, initially, in my density what I am failing to realize that I am it in a sort of the whole, it will live me instead of me absorbing, or taking on, and in, the energetic whereby I could realize a completeness of myself.
So I have convinced myself that I am making progress when I’m reverbing like this going around and chasing. Actually, each one of those scenes, if you look at them, it was like I always had an option and I always had a way of getting just enough distance so that I could have my false hope of making a breakthrough of getting away or something. And the internalized pressure awakens the outer, touches the outer, and what is reflected is the fodder in which I project the energetic that is coming from within outwardly.
So the reason for the dream is the dream is depicting how the inner note I carry into the outer is designed; how it’s designed for me, how it works for me. It works for you differently in regards to the fact that your thought of who you are in relationship to an aspect of the Godhead is different.
So what we take as an inner flow is often caught up, so this is like not beating up on it in terms of how, in a lesser degree, what we take is an inner flow is often caught up in nuances that personally predominate and, when this exists, we shape our lower-self environment to correspond to those unfulfilled inner energetic dynamics.
In other words, we’re piecemeal yet; we’re not taking it in its wholeness. Only when I absolve or absorb those energetic qualities that scatter the essence within by personalizing the internal presence, am I able to take a step into a whole new paradigm in which I am able to get closer to this greater wholeness.
In the accessing of this internalized energetic, I am taking this kundalini that I need so that I can go to where I need to go as a true home. But, initially in the dream, I go to my pseudo homes, my concept of home, and that doesn’t take me in very well. The internal pressure when it’s like that just bolting about directs my focus. In that regard that’s where it has its archetypal effect, instead of my focus being something that keeps going to the depth of that from which it comes at its essence.
So, in the dream, I have not found peace with this condition so, as a result, I see myself going from one helter-skelter image to another seeking to channel the energetic, not knowing that this is a doingness that never ends. So this now gets into how the feminine trait goes around and around, the feminine aspect of it.
This dream is showing me that I am caught up in a doingness that is influencing my attention with one corresponding image after another, just reverbing, and each time I can lead myself to believe that something is occurring, or moving along, or getting away, or going to eventually get somewhere – but this is the illusion. You can’t run away from who you are.
But this is how it’s experienced when you’re not there or, in other words, when you haven’t reached the listening center within from which there is guidance at the core of this vibration, a guidance that for lack of a better way of saying it, it’s like a thought of God from within.
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