The Work of Yourself

IMG_2749The only pathway to making a spiritual journey is through the varied terrain of oneself. Spirituality is closely associated with consciousness, and to become more conscious means to shine a surveillant light on our inner workings, our mannerisms, our biases, and our fears. Then we have to re-determine whether any of those aspects belong in the person we are trying to become. That is the work of becoming what we are meant to be in this life time. (At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)

Jeane: Well in the beginning part of the dream, I seem to be visiting a couple of people in the hospital and going between one room and the other. And that just took kind of a gentle, flowy feeling to it. I don’t remember the details of it much, other than I go into one room to see one person and then I’d have to leave and go to another room to see another person.

And then I’ve left the hospital and it feels like I’ve met a guy that I really like. It’s like I want to go make out in the car with him, but he also tends to hang out with two or three other buddies. And then I find out that it was all just kind of a prank or a joke to them.

And so my feelings are really hurt. You know, and I kind of go off because I thought he really liked me or I really liked him. Well, then it turns out one of his buddies lets me know he really does like me, but it was all kind of a prank that got out of control, that they were kind of making fun of me or whatever.

But my feelings are pretty hurt, so I’ve distanced. And then a little time goes by and I’ve gone—again I’m visiting a building and some of his buddies from that prank, come in the building and everybody assumes I’m over all of this, but I really am still kind of pining for this guy.

And so my interactions with him in the building, when they’re there visiting, whatever’s going on, it’s a shop of some kind, are kind of evasive, or they’re on the level of my acting like everything’s okay when I’m actually not feeling okay. And I’m sad about it all, and I’m kind of longing for him.

And so, then, I want to leave and go find him without being obvious about it, and yet on another level I feel like maybe he’s moved on; I’m not sure. So I’ve gone outside and I’m looking to see if he is still in a car like he was before. One of his friends is trying to catch up with me to find out what’s going on and that’s about all I remember of the dream.

John: And this was after the crash, right?

Jeane: It’s all after the crash.

John: The first part was the wispy part, where you’re in kind of a hospital scenario?

Jeane: No, visiting some people in the hospital.

John: You’re visiting some people in the hospital. This dream all incorporates the crash. It all incorporates what I just said earlier, even.

In other words, this part that you said was real wispy—you visiting people in the hospital and it’s all kind of la-la-la—that’s what’s really important. That’s where you’re helping something. That’s where you’re extending outside of your personal, that’s where you’re being real, that’s what it’s all about.

But then you get jarred out of that. In other words, instead of holding that space, which is important, you get all concerned about your self-image. In other words, the closeness and the depth of that gets somehow or another twisted for you. That is the whole thing where you’re helping and working in a way that’s fixing things because this is a hospital-type setting and whatnot.

And you’re doing it in the whole and it’s really wispy according to you, as an aspect of the dreaming, because it doesn’t have that tremendous dynamic that you get when you have got all kinds of commotion going on that’s real loud. And, apparently, a part of you kind of likes all of that commotion because the rest of your dream took that into account, and ran that up the flagpole as if that was important in terms of whether you’re appreciated, or respected, or liked.

And so you’re getting into this negative side of the prostitute-archetype quality of your nature that you have to go through, or figure out, in which you feel deprived in some fashion and, as a consequence, you keep rolling this window or door over and over and over again in terms of trying to sort your way through that.

And last night you did a very interesting job in that you spent 90% of your time feeling sorry for yourself, and pondering this, and being righteous, and feeling rejected, and still at the same time having these extended feelings that go out and whatnot, all to the exclusion of the part of yourself in the dream that was functioning in a way that was most real: that was helping people, that was working in the hospital dynamic, and the whole bit.

So you did an excellent job of incorporating the shock of the crash, and what that does, into the dream. And, you know, had you held the note properly, it would have been like I mentioned at the very beginning, you would have looked at what was important as the work, or the process, of yourself being something that is in the whole, in which you are everything, and you wouldn’t have let the personification get the better of you – aspect of waywardness – and you would have continued on with what you call wispy dreaming.

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