Being on a spiritual journey is a human process. We are the only living thing that can undertake such a journey. We will make mistakes every day. We will lose our connections often. We have to become conscious about what we are doing as much as possible. That is the way of it: try, go astray, consciously choose again, go astray – until the time being off-track becomes less and less of our waking life. (At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)
Jeane: I had a fever and a bad headache last night, and so it felt like that just got incorporated into this one large dream, where it felt like if I just stayed still and breathed into the pain in the forehead, that I could reach this point where I could finally help the tax case that you’re involved in go from the county to the state level.
Until I did that, I couldn’t get up and get an aspirin or anything. I think that happened about 1:30 in the morning. I felt like I finally got to that point with my focus and attention and then I could go get something to help.
John: I’m glad you pointed that out because that’s how things started last night. It started off with trying to hold some sort of balance in relationship to the outer world, to the collective whole, or whatever it is that’s going on. It started off with trying to hold on to the balance.
That would be step one, you might say, of the process. And I had completely forgotten about that. I don’t even know that I wrote that up. Yeah, I guess I did. What I was doing last night was trying to hold on to a stability. This occupied my attention to such a degree that there was no corresponding meditation dream.
In other words, I was holding on to this and holding on to this, just like you were holding on to that whole thing¸ as if you were trying to accommodate it, so that in its presence, it could have a meaningful effect. The way this stuff works is not the way we necessarily think that it works.
And so what I was feeling, when I looked at this, when I was doing this holding on, was it’s like to try to put value, judgment, or opinion about it, it was like being on the precipice. I measured this by the way I kept track of gold and silver in the marketplace. It was as if I had a barometer at this time to work with.
So, I come out of the meditation and I have this strange condition. That’s all that was going on in that inside of myself I kept trying to hold onto this cadence, some cadence that held the line about something. I got up. I went and looked on the computer and, to my surprise, it had completely broken down. I had failed in holding onto the cadence. It had broken down.
And so I went to bed; I finally had a number of dreams.
And the first one was I’d been driving. Where? That part’s not clear as to where I was driving and what I was doing. I was on a trip of some sort, though, or excursion, away from wherever I’m normally at ease and at peace with.
And I had arrived in this town and stopped and went into a place that was unfamiliar to me and, like I say, this is not a very specific adventure. It’s just kind of something that I did. In other words, not knowing where I was going, just maybe on a kind of an excursion that is meaningless and then I come back to maybe where I belong – as long as I don’t get lost on this excursion.
Well, I don’t feel comfortable at this place. I have kind of a qualm about something, so that I leave. And then, as I leave, it’s like I finally have to remember where I put the car and then I spot it. And just as I spot it, I notice that there’s a couple of guys way behind me that came out of the place as if to size up my reaction, or whatever it is.
In other words, still taking a gauge of me. And what I’m driving is this black sports car and when I finally see it and get in, this car is different inside. Well it’s different in that it’s now like a sports car, the top is down and the seat is tilted way back, which is wrong because I never take the top down and I would never tilt the seat way back.
So, I know I just need to leave. I mean, we’ve got these guys hanging out, they’re like off to one side. You know, I’ve just got to get out of sight and out of mind. This is no time to be trying to figure anything out.
So, I can hardly drive this car, laid back like this, and I have to use a lot of focus to keep myself oriented from running into things on the side, you know, because you don’t really see the road very well when you’re tilted way back like that. But I have to act like I’m comfortable in this awkward position, and act kind of naïve and dumb, for the benefit of whoever is watching me, as if, “hey this is just the way things always are,” as I drive off.
When I get out of town a distance, I’m going to pull over, now that I’m finally alone, and where it’s now going to be safe and convenient. And at that time, I will figure out how to get the vehicle back into a condition that I’m familiar with. And then I’ll contend with getting myself reoriented. Because when I drove out of town, I just took any old road out of town, having no idea where it really went. In other words, for now I’m just driving, not knowing where I’m at, needing to reorient and get back onto the path I’m meant to be on.
So, that’s like the second step of the phase. There’s still something missing here and that’s why there’s this amnesia. You had the first deal where you’re holding on to something and you don’t have any idea what it is that you’re holding on to, but you are somehow, at some depth inside of yourself, reaching out and holding on to something, just like I was trying to hold onto something.
But one’s acuity and ability to hold onto things is not just unconscious, it has to be also conscious. The idea of holding onto things, in terms of my demeanor, just by way of trying to see that I’m carrying some sort of attention inside, in putting a force or a focus upon keeping that attention inside, even though it’s kind of an unconscious, floaty, wavery thing.
Well, that’s what kind of you were doing, as if to help or to facilitate something. That’s what I was doing in order to try to keep something from breaking down in the outer. And then this dream kind of points out where I’m actually at. I’m not really property oriented. I’m out of place and what is going on around me – I just have to take it as natural, but it’s not necessarily going anywhere.
What this dream means is it’s indicating that I have vibrationally gone askew. I may have started out well, intentionally, but have become disoriented. I have been applying my attention in a way that I know from within to be out of sync. I mean I know this when I come out and the car is disoriented, everything is disoriented, and I go out on a road that I have no idea where it goes. It’s all out of sync.
How it is that I am meant to be, I have yet to find again, or find out whether it’s an “again” or not – even that is presumptuous.
I know that because for some time I had been feeling that something is off, but I have not been able to get out of my head that I had been rationalizing that, in the course of time, this would become clear. Well, it doesn’t work that way. It does kind of help, you know, in terms of the issue being brought forward, but that doesn’t mean that you penetrate it, it just brings you into the ability to stare at it and stare at it and stare at it.
But to actually go beyond it, there’s other steps. The first step, of course, is to have the sense that something isn’t right and that can work as an echo to get one back upon the path in a way that is designed.
And so, of course, I know that a deeper way of saying it is that I’m able to sort this out by paying closer attention to my heart and let that direct me to what is right in terms of how I am to be.
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