Just because we want to develop spiritually, and we want surrender, or we want to die before we die – all different ways of saying giving ourselves up for a greater purpose – it doesn’t mean there is no resistance within us. In fact, there is much in us that resists, because we have trained ourselves (or been trained) in certain ways and processes, and our system is designed to hold onto those for us – even if it is a bad habit. That’s why our urge to develop must be stronger, over time, than our urge to resist. (At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)
John: Last night, I did something different. I noticed that as I was meditating, I was able to hit the ringing in the ears and all of that sort of stuff, but I wasn’t just transporting off, which meant that it seemed like I might be, and I’ve noticed this happening once before, I might be needing to take and carry this process from the dream level instead, because when it’s carried from within the meditation level, it sets up its own kind of note upon which maybe the dreams then can be somewhat biased.
And yet if I did do this from the dream level and go really, really deep and far in the dream level without having a reverb note or something created from the meditation dream, I can actually get better information. The problem with trying to do it this way is that if you carry some sort of malingering density about you, it gets in the way. And the idea of meditation moves all of that out, so that you have a clear zone of access for something to come through.
It was almost as if I was already kind of primed so that one could just take and go to sleep and dream. So this dream is like a big dream. It has all kinds of symbolism in it. And there are three distinct parts to it.
In the dream, I’m feeling more and more helpless in the job that I am at, and this is a job where you assemble things that are needed in ordinary life. I have been working as a helper next to a seasoned journeyman. I am overpowered by this guy’s presence and, as a result, I’m not learning anything or picking up the trade. I’m his helper, but that doesn’t mean I could take and do what he does.
The day comes when the boss assigns me the job of assembling a newly acquired toilet, or newly designed toilet. In other words, the boss just realizes that I should be able to do this. I’ve been working on this sort of thing long enough, I must have picked up something. And so now I don’t have this journeyman to work under where under the vibration of that, something worked, but now I’m on my own. And the boss suggests that I do this in an area where the light is better. Most of the parts that come with the toilet are also in this area.
My biggest fear is if there is some—now, this is where now I’m starting to switch back to a deeper depth that I said no to—my biggest fear is that there is some part or cutting that is required when it comes to the end. This is always the case prior to a last step of hanging doors. You have to make sure it fits the space and it has to line up and be contoured in. One mistake in the precision measuring and cutting and all of the efforts to assemble and put the door together and whatnot goes for naught.
So this is slipping back to a way of being that predates the assembly and the thing that I’m assembling, in a secondary way, is a toilet; but it started with the door. And this idea of make or break because of the fine edge of cutting, that one miscue, and you have destroyed the door and you have to start all over again. I’m not prepared for something like that. So I was willing to go and deal with a newly designed toilet instead. So I was given that as a fallback option, as a lesser development.
So, I remember putting this and the component parts and tools on ice because I was taking my attention and looking at a lesser job, which is that of assembling and installing new toilets. Well, I shouldn’t say installing, I was just assembling them. I never did see having to install them.
There’s no manual for what it is that I am required to do. Well, the day arrives when there’s no longer a journeyman to layback on and I can no longer be just the apprentice. The day arrives when the boss is requiring me to continue the tradition of this place by myself. So, when the boss throws this at me, he then leaves and his instructions are that I should do this in the work area where the light is better. In other words, this is his final suggestion to me before he leaves me by myself.
Well, I am familiar with another area which is darker. It works at a slower pace. And this other area that’s brighter, I’m not used to; I’m not quite fully accustomed to that. I know that everything is faster if I could stay in this area, which incorporates more light and sight. But because I have my habituations and mannerisms that are in the outer that I haven’t let go of, it’s like I’m drawn to having to move the parts and tools to this darker area and assemble the toilet there, which requires a lot of going back and forth to get those from out of the light and bring them into the dark.
And the other dilemma I have is I don’t have all day in the world to do this. I’ve been told that I have one day to get this done. So, instead of adhering to the suggestion, of course, I choose to laboriously transport the parts and tools to this denser area, which is more familiar to me.
And what surprises me is in this whole thing, I think that I have to do this all on my own. But all of a sudden, I start to draw helpers. It is nice to know that even when I am out of twang, help is there. This is how grace works. It is nice to know that I always have my inner helpers and guide who carry my best overall interest—that is an intertwined interest—even when I am lost in the outer – because it’s a process. I mean you go step by step, by step, by step even though what I’m doing is I’m taking this in a breakdown capacity, going from being able to be at this point between, down to a lesser action and then doing it my way.
So, what is going on? Well, when the training is complete my work is at the doorway between the inner and the outer. The teacher is of the opinion that I’m able to do the work now. I do not feel I am ready. I know that the slightest error is catastrophic. So I continue with a lesser task that I try to do in my way. I try to take the inner clarity into the denser outer.
The teacher suggested that I stay in the light where there is more clarity and, from this place, I can do the same thing more quickly and efficiently. Even with this other task that is an option for me if I’m going to say no to the door, I insist upon taking the work into the outer where the sight is not very good and the pace is much slower. To my surprise, even with this backwardation, help is provided.
So as a meaning, the dream is portraying where I am going with my conscious development. I am not there yet, in my opinion. I’m not able to know because only the teacher can see my soul.
Because I have freedom of choice, I choose to work with the basic building blocks, which is expressed symbolically as the assemblage of a new toilet. Even there I can’t follow orders. I’m still trying to do this my way. It is a good thing there is grace and mercy, because this is how one gets inextricably lost. The grace and mercy is there because I’m provided with helpers, from within, to sort things out in this slow-paced way.
So, you may ask, what is the work like at the door? If you see the door, you’re meant to be at the door. Do I know anything about this? And so I figured, okay, what do I know about this? The door is the place where the inner and outer meet. It is at this point that I am able to integrate both directions simultaneously.
To be veiled from the inner and just be in the outer, doing things reflectively, is not going to get it done. To be just in the inner is too transcendent and removed from Creation. At the door, there is a split-second moment when both are possible and there is a coming together, even though it is just a split second.
In the alternative work I have chosen, chosen for myself, this is best done holding onto the presence of my light-body. Again I say no, and I am misusing the resources to do it my way in the outer. Fortunately, a grace and mercy are with me to help me see the transgression.
And so, then I had these other little strange things that show how veiled we are to the inner and the outer.
I am in the back area of the home where I hear a door open and a woman say, “Realtor!” My reply is, “Yes,” as I start walking over to where she came in. She yells again, “Realtor!” I say, “Yes,” again, as I’m getting closer. I’m now very close, but do not see her. Then I hear her say, “You need to unlock everything.” And that is when I realize that she cannot get through. And this is such a shock, I wake up.
I’m back to the door, which is between the inner and the outer, seeking to let go of my reactions and barriers, so that the two can come together into a greater consciousness. Because that’s all that there is. That’s where the consciousness is at. Otherwise, you’re out of it in the density of things and you can’t grasp the transcendent.
To download this file, Right Click (for PCs) or Control Click (for Macs) and Save: Out of the Density