The Slayer of the Heart

heart-rays-of-sunlightWhat does it mean that we must come from the heart in a spiritual journey? On one level, it means that spirituality is not an intellectual pursuit. It can’t be reasoned out, or completely understood with facts and data. And perhaps this is because the brain doesn’t create the same vibrations into life as the heart, or our emotions can – when our emotions are not personally based. We’ve all experienced how we’ve made a decision – after all our numbers-crunching and rational consideration – by going with our instinct and feeling life. That’s the life we need to use for our spiritual journey. (At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)

John: So in my meditation dream I am seeing myself expend a lot of effort directing what it is that I want to happen. I guess I’m thinking it will happen, only to find out that it doesn’t take place.

In other words, I’m thinking that it has happened. In other words, because I’ve developed such a notionality about it, somehow or another, I convince myself that it has occurred – and so then I just proceed as if it has happened. I’m confused about this because it’s as if I gave some sort of order or directive inside, that I felt was to occur or is part of the design of what occurs, and then I proceeded to act as if that had occurred.

Only now I’m finding out that things didn’t occur because apparently I wasn’t as clear as I thought I was, or the orders I gave were ambiguous, or that whatever I did in the outer – how can that be a mind reader?

And so when I say something like “turn on the large TV,” for example, I know what that means to me, but to another that might be too vague and ambiguous. In other words, where, what, and what do you mean by TV even?

So I see myself observing what it takes to fix miscues – and it isn’t easy. I intercede to try and get this to happen, now that I realize what I have done to goof things up. In other words, now I’m trying to fix it, but it’s all after the fact.

It’s possible, but first I have to realize, accept, and take responsibility for failed gestures, and communications, and mannerisms. In the past I acted miffed and righteous as if the problem is someone else’s fault, in other words, when something doesn’t work out like you think, because you took the right steps, it should have, only to realize that it didn’t get understood, or you portrayed it improperly, or you drew a wrongful assumption.

So the problem is my fault, based upon an ignorant assumption about life that I carry. I have gone years blaming others and had these catastrophes, over and over again, in other words, where you stir something up as a consequence of not knowing how to reconcile – in terms of one’s self within – and then you get confused why it is that something isn’t happening as it should be happening according to one’s perceptions.

Many times I never knew that it hadn’t been done, in other words it wasn’t executed as I had assumed. And so I would go on thinking that things were okay, when they weren’t, and that what I needed to happen, had happened, I would be assuming, but it hadn’t. Only to find out later, when it is way too late to do anything about, that this piece of the unfoldment, or this portion of a way things occur in sequential flow, is askew.

I remember the embarrassment, the sinking feeling in the heart that I felt when I come to realize that what I thought had occurred long ago had never happened. It was this deep felt inflection and shock that caused me to wake up. Can you kind of see the symbolism and the parallel?

Anyway, the meaning is the dream is pointing out that I am often thinking that I have done something and that what I have done has taken place, only to find out later, often years later, that I had been mistaken. The reason for this is because I am now realizing that the message was not from the heart as I had imagined.

There is a saying, God hears the need when the heart hears it, thus the reason for humility. It is rare to be so humble. It is rare, but it is an important condition to get to, to get to a point where there’s a type of humbleness, which is I guess a way of trying to say that you hold, sustain, or maintain an energetic that’s like a constant state of prayer.

Ego is the slayer of the heart. Ego is the energetic that chokes off the connection.

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