How surveillant are we about ourselves? Do we see how serious we have become? Yes, what is happening in the world is serious, but we still have the freedom within ourselves to be at peace, or to be happy. But that takes a certain perspective; a perspective that sees the bigger picture of life and the universe. When we get to close in and feel the weight of the world on us, personally, we distance ourselves from the joy of just being a part and a participant in the beauty of life. (At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)
John: So in this dream I’m sitting kind of in the middle of a couch, sitting maybe on the front edge of the couch, and this kid comes along and he takes a bunch of candy that’s in a bowl and he flings it out there so it flies all over the couch – behind me and everything. It disturbs the situation but I ignore it, and stay with however I am taking things in. In other words, I just blank that out and sit there.
Well, where I’m at is this is like a large family gathering. There are shirttail relatives and whatnot. I’m kind of an outsider there, but still it’s like a gathering in which I kind of know some of them better than others, but not enough to where I mingle. So I just kind of settle back and observe.
And the host of this party, this guy, has three boys. One’s like three or four, the other is maybe ten or something, and then there’s an older one. So the father is also hosting the party and, as a result, needs to know what has happened: all of this candy’s thrown out. So because I wasn’t letting anything affect me, and wasn’t paying too close of attention even though I was there when it happened, I just let go of it immediately. I’m not able to properly re-visualize what took place.
So as I try to come to grips with that because I remember something about the boys, I initially think it was the 10-year-old so I go with the father to find him and he’s in the shower. And the father asks him what happened to the candy? And this boy says, “Oh, it was put in a container.” So, from this answer we realized that it wasn’t him because he didn’t say about it being thrown around or anything – so my impression was wrong.
That wasn’t right so he goes off and I’m still left then to try to figure this out. Now, the 4-year-old is also in the shower, another shower, so I can’t stand it any longer, I go to where he’s at and ask him what happened. In that regard, I was correct, I did see him there, although it wasn’t him and he indicates that it was Jessie, which was a kid that was with him who’s a little older and is part of a family that has kind of an edge about things, that’s a little off, that carry issues that stand out – but the rest of the family kind of accepts them.
Okay, so now I figured it out, but in the time it takes for me to go back to the counter to clear up the confusion over this issue with the host and father, I suddenly can’t think of this boy’s name anymore. It was loud and clear and it was immediately a breath of fresh air when the little 4-year-old told me in his ambivalence; he didn’t get all uptight about anything, just play or something. I can’t remember this other boy’s name and I’m seeing myself trying to describe the parents, and I’m trying to denote how they’re a little imbalanced in terms of the trait and this, that, and the other, and I can’t quite even remember their names – I’m that out of it. And so the energy drops by me fumbling about like this.
And suddenly there’s another guest who needs to leave, and so the host turns his attention away from me and says he’ll call a cab. And this person is portraying kind of a frustration that is in the air, so I say to him, “He just needs to go down, the cabs come immediately. There’s no need for concern. You don’t need to call a cab, just go downstairs.” In other words, go down with your energy.
I then go to the dining room, or wander from this area back to the dining room, and notice while I was busy trying to sort out the issue of the candy being spilled by who and other details that kind of went right by me, and got caught up thinking I needed to grapple and figure this out and make a report or something, that I missed out on the meal because there is a big dining hall and everyone’s finishing up on the meal. It’s nearly over, there isn’t much food left to be gotten, and there are all kinds of kids that I hadn’t seen before, mostly young kids 3, 4 years old and whatnot, zipping and playing about in this area, which means that the seriousness of eating and whatnot is over with and it’s back to play again.
So the meaning is, this is another dream that is indicating that I am not staying attentive to what is happening, which is the same thing as saying that I am not holding onto the energy that is at my disposal – the container and everything. As a result, I’m not able to access the care-free nature that comes with letting go, like an innocent child does. I’m trying to be too grown up. I need to get more into life, and my mannerism is placing me upon an unnecessary tangent that is not in sync with what’s unfolding.
There are no mistakes. Everything’s happening for a reason. I would like to blank it out and, when I do, I am not bringing the energy down into life, and into the heart, as it is needed. I’m placing my attention in too transcendent a manner. As a result, I suffer more than I should, and I’m out of touch, and out of balance.
What I am trying to understand in this dream is how to be in touch with a natural flow, play, and happiness. I will find that happiness is reached when you take or have the energy in life carried in an innocent playfulness, ease, and naturalness – that is carefree from the weight of the world. To be able to find this state is also to be at peace. This is a younger side of myself, thus the kids involved, that got lost in the seriousness of it all, and got contaminated by pressures of an imbalance even that got imposed.
The result caused me to fumble about and, in fumbling about, I went on tangents and got too transcendent and thereby losing a natural, at ease ambivalence that is necessary to carry in the heart in order to relate and be more complete. Consequently, when one gets self-indulgent, that self-indulgence gets in the way and becomes a groping for a focus and attention that is too serious, or is adopting ideas, some of them being maybe even spiritual, that block out what’s important.
It’s an interesting thing that has behind it a type of sight by which one can pick this up and understand this, in terms of it coming through them, but to do that you just have to realize the importance of the holding the energy, like in meditations and such from before. What I was doing was I was holding a knowingness that can be heard in the sound that you can hear as things vibrate in your ears, but that has to be taken down into the heart again.
So, yesterday when I meditated that sound was really loud, but I paid attention to the heartfulness and, when I do that, I don’t have the knowingness, I don’t get those images in the meditation. I hold that heartfulness. Now, I suppose if I carried that heartfulness to a full enough degree, then you go into the combination of the two zones and you’re just checked out.
So there is a dilemma in overseeing, and if you oversee you get in the way of things, and if you are in a heartfulness then you’re not wily enough to understand things. It’s so peculiar, yet all of it can be just the way it needs to be if you catch up with the joy and peace inside of yourself.
So these qualities, these traits, these mannerisms is something that we play with and we play with and we play with to try to reach a type of perfection, or wholeness. And, of course, what we’re doing is we are coming into what we really are – as opposed to the bifurcations. We’re looking and searching for that.
It’s horrible when the energy goes off the top. That’s your nausea, you know, you see all of this stuff hitting you now; one can have a joyousness, too, but all of this stuff is kind of fleeting. Eventually you kind of come to see how it can be.
As the teacher was saying, when the tension gets to a certain particular point where, at that point of pressure, you can just let go. Well, why do you have to carry it to that degree? Why not just be able to be joyous about everything, and be at peace with everything, and have all of that there – as opposed to have to go through all of these strange contortions that are horrible? But, such is the nature of life… so far.
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