Being alive raises so many questions, and one of the most mysterious is wondering what causes in us that great longing that so many of us feel in our lives. Perhaps it is the deep connection we have to our creator? But why would it be so subtle and mysterious? Because humans are neither slaves, nor robots to our creator. We have been given freedom of choice and we each must choose our service to the whole – it is not mandatory. But that doesn’t mean we aren’t given signals and whispers to show us the way. (At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)
John: Well you caught up with the theme, and so this is how I do the same thing, basically, but without the context of your dream.
In this dream I am looking to find a connection, an intertwined linkage, that I am able to tell is keeping things intact. I am carrying the notion that, rationally speaking, I should be falling apart and I am not. In other words, it’s like something isn’t getting worse and it should be getting worse – based upon this underlayment – as I used for your dream – that I somehow sense is there, but the outer isn’t corresponding in accordance with that, or so it seems.
But in this case there’s a reason for why it’s not, and that’s because I am connected to the other, I’m connected to this underlayment when in my dream I’m trying to act like, okay, if I can’t put my finger on it then it doesn’t necessarily mean that it exists. So under certain dictates, then, things should fall apart.
So something is there that keeps me connected. I can tell that this is so, but in the dream I can’t see how this is so. In other words, I can’t specifically give you the details. So I look and look inside. I do not seem to be able to even wake up because I’m on this expedition of having to try to see this, to find this, to touch this. I mean, I didn’t come out of this until 4 o’clock. I was really looking hard. I’m intent on figuring this out.
The way my body aches because I am in such a pitch, in other words, when I come out of this I flicker out of this at various times, maybe at 2 o’clock, 3 o’clock, 4 o’clock in the morning, and every time my neck will be just at a point where it’s like you could kink up or something. And when I move a little slightly bent and I know that, typically speaking, I should be doing harm. Your body isn’t designed to do that. And yet this is all factored into the process because of some underlayment or depth. It’s taking that into account where the body is letting go, too.
So I have the opinion that the normal way of looking at things is that what I’m experiencing physically, that I keep flickering back to and seeing the condition I’m in, it’s not like I’m dwelling upon it. I see it, but I don’t come any further out than just barely. But there is the sense that this should be unbearable, but it’s not, and I’m handling it. So that’s again evidence that there is this intangible feature at play behind all of this.
So I am reaching and reaching, in other words, I’m going to catch this inner quality, but I never do. I fail to find it. I know it exists, however, because where I have been and the condition of my body while I am there neither is possible to maintain, you can’t be cockeyed, you can’t hold a certain state beyond a particular degree naturally with the body; it requires a certain movement or something. So there must be this intangible bond at play.
The evidence for its existence is as far as I can tell circumstantial, because I’m not able to get to where I am able to see it categorically. But because of the circumstantial evidence being as astounding as it is, I have no choice but to conclude that it’s convincing enough that there is no way for me to doubt that this doesn’t exist.
What I went through has proven to me that there is an intertwined aliveness that looks after me and keeps me together even though I can’t reach it in what is for me a state of nonexistence. I’m doing my best to break this nonexistent sensation that presides somehow over how I am, put my fingertips upon it, so to speak, to prove it to be tangibly real – but I’m unable to do it.
So that’s the meditation thing, but you could see how it fits with what you’re doing because you had the underlayment.
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