Behind the Expressions

David Billa

Jeane finds herself in an old castle in a foreign land, which is a good description of the world we experience when we are merely playing out our usual patterns and psychologies. Why? Because the world is new every moment, and if we want to have any inkling of what is really at play, we need to experience it just as freshly as it is happening. We may never be free of all our mannerisms, but we need to tear down the fortress. (At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)

Jeane: I had these long dreams and I only seemed to pull out a small part of them. I know in one dream I’m going through a really old structure like a castle in a foreign land. It’s like I go from room to room and observe the people there, and then I seem to be leaving the castle because it feels like the country’s at war and you have to evacuate.

And I go out onto the square and there are some trucks that you don’t know whether they’ll let you on them or not. They’re like the kind of trucks that have a back and open that soldiers are piled in, and you don’t know if there’s any room. You don’t even know whether they’re friendly soldiers or enemy soldiers – and they’re in a large square.

But I go up to one truck and the soldier on the running board seems like he recognizes me, that he knows my boyfriend or something, so he lets me in the truck. And then I discover there’s not really that many people inside the truck, once you get in; it’s an open back. So I go to the back of the truck and I start pulling up some women, but it’s like these women they’re more two dimensional, like they only seem to be about an inch or two thick or something, so they kind of slide over the back of the truck kind of like you see in a cartoon thing. Some of them I pull in and some I don’t because I’m kind of a little confused about how they look, too.

And then it feels like it just shifts to where in order for me to get out of somewhere I go up to a woman who’s wearing a long… it’s like the bottom of the dress is black and the top is white and she’s holding two things. It might be some type of sustenance or food, that she holds up near the top, that it feels like I need to get. The dreams are just kind of flitting… they’re long dreams but they just don’t stay with me.

John: What you’re trying to sift away from, or let go of, is something that you’re feeling as a tone, or mood, or mannerism, or demeanor, or energetic that you have, that you realize limits you.

You can’t help it, you still feel it, and you know that there’s something so much more if you didn’t feel that because by feeling it it defines you and causes you to have to be in a particular way. And that’s kind of like the awkwardness, or the struggle, you find yourself engaged in in the dream.

What the dream is doing is it is working at enabling you to recognize that there is so much more than just that characteristic that we take on. In other words, when we take something on, when we have a particular mood and are in a particular mannerism we are pretty much… or the tendency, I should say, is to be stuck there, to hold onto it, to not know how to shake it off, to not know how to let go of it, to maybe have a fear of letting go but thinking that we have to contend with it in some fashion.

And so what’s happening is it’s kind of like being tossed around by the fact that there is this characteristic that has its way with you, and you are sensing that you need to let go of it, and break free of it, and that you need to come into more of your true, natural, feminine, overall being by going inside. But what you see inside doesn’t seem to have any continuity to it. In other words, the women slide back and forth. In other words, they don’t quite own their space yet.

Well basically what’s going on there is a type of probing, in other words, you sense how it is. There’s a sense of something alive or awakening inside of you and so you are attempting to touch that, with the image that you’re having where you are migrating across and to a quality of being in which something like that is able to be accessed, realized, and lived.

The theme of the dreaming last night had to do with this quality of recognition that comes through of an inner awakening that stands behind everything that exists in our environment. In other words, when you are hip, so to speak, hip to this whole inner transmission flow from within, a way that you see yourself in the outer where it’s in a world of projection, and there are all of these various things that affect you in some fashion or another, it’s hard to take any of that too literally, or too seriously, because you come to recognize that behind every expression and mannerism of yourself is this inner essence that is moving around, or is coming into fruition.

And this is a type of fruition that exudes and extends out over everything around you, but it can’t, and doesn’t, do that when you find yourself trapped, or stuck, or holding out in a particular mood, mannerism, motif.

And the outer is the greater teacher because it will show you to be in some sort of projected state, or there will be things that will be projected that will touch and effect you. And that effect you have to see beyond, you have to live beyond, you have to peer beyond to where there is that awakening inner aliveness that is behind it all. Even if it’s veiled, even if you can’t see it but you can just sense it, the key is to keep sensing it and sensing it until it consumes you or becomes you.

The shift that you went into was something that you were shaping as an image in relationship to that space, so that what you were able to start to see, in terms of yourself in the outer, would be something more in conformity to this inner quality coming into its own.

The prior aspect of the dream had to do with you on the hunt, so to speak, of that, and not quite catching up with it as it is intended to be caught up with – so that it exudes over your entire being.

To download this file, Right Click (for PCs) or Control Click (for Macs) and Save: Behind the Expressions

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