A Step Back

crooked-path-We all have our cycles, our good days and bad, our strong days and weak ones. Even as we progress in our spiritual development there will be times when we cannot face what must be confronted. All that can be done is try to keep a conscious awareness of it and get back on track as quickly as possible. It would all be so clear to us if we could see our life as being on a path – we’d see our detours. But, as it is, we have to stay alert to what we’re trying to accomplish. (At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to  your computer.)

Jeane: I think the earliest dream I remember I was just observing the last three finalists for American Idol, and I was just kind of watching each one and how they perform, or what style they were developing. That dream just seemed to be more like that. All I was doing was observing.

Then the other two dreams or three dreams I had, they all seemed to have to do with shifting from one place to another. In one I’ve gone from a city that’s like Spokane to some city that’s south of it, and I’ve gone there maybe just for the day or so, with someone else from an office.

It feels like I work in a social security office, and a supervisor or someone comes and visits us at the office, and then at the end of the day my coworker’s talking to me and we’ve gone to stay at a house, and my coworker’s acting like maybe she wants to move there or stay there, and I’m kind of discouraging that. I feel like we should go back up to where we were; it’s more in the north.

I’m kind of cautioning her a little that it’s almost like there’s some area we’re in is a bit smaller. It’s like I look at like how if I were to do certain things it would be more difficult to travel out to the coast, or it would be more difficult to travel in some way, so I’m kind of discouraging the idea of moving to that second office.

And then the same thing repeats in a way where I feel like I’m seeing a brief scene where maybe my mother and I and my sister have gone again somewhere, and it’s south of the city where I was living in, to visit relatives. And then my sister is telling me that my mother maybe wants to stay and live there, and I’m kind of saying that wasn’t what I got at all. We just kind of came with gifts for the holiday. But I’m thrown into a little confusion, so I think, well, if she does want to move there she hasn’t really said so, but if she did it seems to me that, I don’t know, maybe to me it feels like going backwards a little. But I’m trying to assess it to see if that’s what she wants.

And then it kind of shifts to another vignette where it’s like I’m back talking to my coworker and maybe she has had connection with an ex of mine, but I’m cautioning her a little bit that she doesn’t really want to move in with him. It’s one thing she’s visited with him or something, but if she moved in with him she really has to be aware that he’s pretty OCD, and that means something like if you get even like a scratch on the washing machine or something he won’t be able to not focus on it or make a big deal out of it – and it’s uncomfortable.

So that was kind of all of it. It’s like it was little vignettes that just bopped all over the place.

John: Yes, they seem to be vignettes of going backwards, didn’t they? They were all going south, they were all saying “no” to something, they were all not quite taking on something that was in front of you, not quite opening up something that was meant to be opened up. In other words, sitting in an epicenter and moving away from it.

The way I look at that is it’s not a good sign in terms of how you experience pain. See, some people when they go through strife they break through, or have to probe out into life and let go in some capacity. Other people when something isn’t quite right they panic, or blitz or do something different.

When you get hit by things it’s supposed to be something that enables you to come to kind of an epiphany clarity, or a waking up, a recognition. I’m trying to explain why it is that you are actually not advantaging yourself of what it is possible there, moving away. Every one of those dreams is a step back isn’t it?

Jeane: Yes, and I’m arguing with the part of myself that wants to make that step, back but I still have parts of myself that do.

John: Yes, each one is a step back. Well I woke up this morning looking around, thinking everybody’s doing that, and how easy it is to see things if you don’t do that. But when you do that, then everything is confusing. Every time you do that everything stays confused. Even the simplest things stay confused, when the simplest things are supposed to make sense. You can’t even make sense out of the simplest things.

And so every time you see the simplest things taking a step back it just, well, what it does is it just leaves me sad. Nothing can keep up. Even in my sleep I was looking at all of that, especially after my long dream this morning that took until 4:15 to write up. And then when I came to bed I could have written up many, many more dreams, but they were all short dreams, they were all container dreams, and expansive dreams, and dreams of things a little hither and thither about it all that continued to throw out all of that kind of stuff.

Because one is all of those little deviations when that’s all that there is around you, and when your world is affected by that. My inclination when a world is like that is to just stop doing everything, just continue to keep stopping and stopping and stopping. And when you stop you see things, so maybe that’s what is intended because everyone else gets to a point when they step back.

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